Tag Archive | Value

A Bump in the Road

This week heavily on my mind, is the fact that I have made some decisions, or a least I thought I made some decisions.

Decisions that pertain to the things I want to share, here, and anywhere else I’d like to share it.

I find myself out here again, on a bumpy road. Trying to traverse the landscape with a minimum of bumpage. My husband is mortified when I make up words, but bumpage is a good one right? I’m positive you know what I mean.

You’re moving right along, everything lined up straight, and BAM! A cloud of confusion, or a bank of brain fog, too many ideas to count all descend on you at once, or none at all. It’s a moment when you realize that the decision(s) you made made not be as clear as you thought they were. Without a clear purpose, without a clear focus, moving forward is depressingly difficult.

I’m not sure what I can figure it all out here, but allow me to use this space to look back and see how I got here, so that I can figure out, again, which way to go to get around these bumps.

My husband and I discuss often, the fact that in the age we live in, we have taught our children WHAT to think, and not HOW to think. When I was raised, I have no clear recollection of either. I remember in school, finishing my work, and then wandering around the classroom, disturbing the other kids. Instead of training me to THINK of something else to do, I would get whatever the punishment of the day was, and a lot of cross words about how I would never amount to much.

So suffice to say, it is no big surprise that the “Soundtrack of my life” was full of confusion and fog and a cacophony of noises.  When you receive these messages day in and day out, you begin to believe them

I remember always thinking, “I’m going to do this.” I’m going to do that.” All the while doing nothing because I did not know how to sort those thoughts out, or how to put them all together to make sense.

Several years back, every time I heard “I’m going to do this.” in my head, then right after that, I would hear “just stop talking about it and do it.” I began to discern the difference between saying and doing. It sounds simple enough, but let’s face it, when you weren’t taught to think, it is a difficult task.

Sorting those things out fell into a few different categories;

  • What people had said to/about me
    • What I thought about me
  • What people had done to me
    • What I thought because people did what people do
  • Is it possible to change these things?
  • Finally, what did God think of me?
    • How was I created by Him to be?

As you might imagine, these things took some doing to over come. It took a great deal of introspection, and internal dialogue. Separating the negative dialogue from the positive. Changing that “Soundtrack” to something that I could really live with, and then, begin to help others to walk the same way.

It is something that needs to be revisited from time to time. I’m fairly certain that it’s that time again for me.

Bumps in the road are inevitable.

How we navigate them determines our success or failure.

If you have read this far, then I imagine that this is something that plagues your mind as well.

Might I suggest, that you take just a few moments for yourself. To be quiet. To begin to sort all that has been stored inside of you for so long? I know that my “Quietude” lately has been must less than what I require. So it is time to begin again.

Quieting the heart that beats inside of us, is the best place to start.

I’ve left a video here to get you started.

I would love to hear your comments, and any other ideas that have helped you to become clear and focused. We’ll have some here on this blog, and help each other out.

How about it? You in?

 

 

When You Were Seven Revisited

Well, as you can see, I’ve been exploring my past through blog posts from long ago.

Why? Because it occurred to me that over time, I had begun to forget some of the look and feel of some of the dark places I’ve been, and the steps I took to find my way home. My heart is to help others to reclaim their lives, and progress to the places that God their Creator created them for.  Breaking this idea down;

  • You were created for greatness
  • Dark circumstances have blocked your progress
  • Reclaim what was stolen
  • Advance to the purposes you were created for

Hopefully, prayerfully, these Friday looks into the past will help create questions in you, and a longing to find the answers you need, finally.

I’m here cheer you on!

When You Were Seven 

(Original post date June 12, 2012)

This past Sunday our Community Hour Class began its summer session; “Proverbs; Making the Wise Wiser”.

During the introduction, we were each asked to answer a couple of questions around our table.

These questions were meant as kind of an ice breaker, and a lead right in to the topic we are studying.

Well they were ice breakers to be sure, but to me one of these questions was so much more.  It sent me on another journey, into the background that makes me who I am.

All of the time I have spent on introspection, I would like to think that it is all finished.

As we have spoken of in a previous post, it will not be finished as long as we are here on this earth.

However, our Merciful Father in Heaven will allow no more than we can handle at any one time.

Each journey into our background and back out again, carries with it another piece of healing, filling in the puzzle that is us.

English: Puzzle Svenska: Pussel

Have you ever been putting a puzzle together and many pieces go together quickly?

Have you noted that in the very same puzzle, some can take a long time to place?

Each of these remaining pieces needs to be inspected.

They perhaps need to be held in your hand, and placed and replaced until the proper

place is found.

If you do not enjoy the process, you probably will never finish the puzzle.

The question we were asked, seemed very innocuous at the time it was asked, but the more I reflected on it, the more I could sense that this would not be over, just because the class was.

This piece would have to be investigated closely.

Here are the questions;

* How many lived in your home when you were seven?

* Who was the warmest person in your life at that time?

Harmless questions right?

Well as the others spoke their answers, I sought my own answer to the question “Who was the warmest person in your life at that time?”

What I soon realized, was that I could not remember even one “warm” person in my life.

Were people supposed to be warm?

The only thing that came to my mind was that during my very young life, we used to travel every Sunday to my Grampas house in the country.

While there, I would climb the apple trees in his orchard and visit the hay mow in the barn.

Life was peaceful if only for a short time.

After dinner, I can recall clearly, sitting on my Grampas lap in his big comfy chair, eating popcorn out of an enamel roasting pan and watching Lawrence Welk.

I believe that was the safest, coziest, warmest spot I ever knew.

When the show was over, it was time to load up and go home.

My heart longed for our return the following week.

Those visits came to an abrupt end, when there was a misunderstanding between my Father and my Grandpa that got me a beating that today would have landed me in the hospital and my Father in jail.

Father never apologized and Grandpa would not let him return until he did.

I never got over the fact that it was my fault that we could not visit any more.

My warm person/spot was gone.

Grampa came to town to live with us several years later, after my Grandma died, and my Mother and Father divorced, but our relationship was never the same.

I knew it was my fault.

I didn’t find out until much later why it had changed so drastically, and that was that I had grown up, and he didn’t feel that hugging or snuggling with a girl my age was proper.

So NOT my fault.

But the damage was already done.

So.  After class, I was compelled to come and go through the family photos left here by my Mom.

There I found snapshots of brief moments of family life.  Brief shots.  Brief smiles.

I also, sadly, noticed that in nearly all of the photos of that time period, the smile never went to the eyes.

That sounds strange maybe, but it was there.  I saw it.

Here are two photos I found of myself.  In one of them, my favorite one, I was four.  See the light in the eyes?  They twinkled.

I think this may have been before I found out I was defective.

See the second photo?  Age seven.  Sad smile.  No twinkle.

I’m still processing what I see.

I’m still examining every piece.

With God’s help, and His alone, I will be able to fully place the truth, and go on to another piece.

Ladies and Gentlemen; here is the truth;

YOU ARE NOT DEFECTIVE!

AND NEITHER WAS I!

Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV1984)

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

 

Do not be afraid of the process.

Join me in placing the pieces where they rightly fit.

Let us hold God’s hands together,

And believe the truth.

John 8:32 (KJV)

32 And ye shall know the truth, and (He) the truth shall make you free.

*

About Bridges

Bridges come in many shapes and sizes.

Each built to withstand the elements surrounding it.

Simple beam bridges, may only cross a stream or a gully too difficult to traverse, and are seldom longer than 250 feet.

BeamBridge-diagram.svg

A truss bridge is a superstructure meant to carry heavy loads.

TrussBridge-diagram.svg

A cantilever bridge stretches over the obstacle, is only attached on the ends, and raises in the middle to allow for larger loads to go UNDER.

CantileverBridge-diagram.svg

An arch bridge carries the weight of traffic through the abutments on either side. These bridges are strong enough to carry trains.

ArchBridge-diagram.svg

Tied arch bridges, or bow string bridges are constructed a bit differently, and the weight is carried through tension in the bottom cord of the bridge.

TiedarchBridge-diagram.svg

Suspension bridges are suspended from cables. The earliest ones being ropes and vines. The cables hang from towers that are built deep into the ground below the bridge.

SuspensionBridge-diagram.svg

Cable-stayed bridges, like suspension bridges, are held up by cables, but have less cables, and taller towers.

CableStayedBridge-diagram.svg

But my very favorite bridge  of all is the Gospel bridge. It’s the one that God provided for us. It is built with eternity in mind. It bridges a gap that I can’t jump. I’m thankful to have a path to choose. One that is strong enough to carry a load that I could never bare.

Image result for gospel bridge

Who Are You Really?

On one of my self-excavating pilgrimages, I asked myself this question.Magnifying Glass

First I will tell you, that on these pilgrimages, of which there have been many, my travelling companions have been God the Father, His son Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

My strong belief is that through this trinity, the truth and life can be found.

The excavation can be lengthy, and often times raw, but well worth the treasure found in the end. Quitting came to mind many times, but I had to remember to keep my eyes on the prize; Freedom.

That being said, I began my journey with the old soundtrack running in my mind. You may even share the same soundtrack. It is the old song that tells you that you are ordinary, rejected, overlooked and insignificant.

In order for me to be able to show up, to tell my story, to use my voice, I needed to know exactly what God thought of me.

The first thing I did, was locate what my mentor and teacher Graham Cooke called “Inheritance scriptures”. If you are familiar with the Bible, then you should have no problem here. If you are not, let me just say that I believe it is the complete and totally true Word of God, a map and guide to how we should live our lives.

Just so you know, there is no judgement here if you believe it, or even if you don’t, but that is the direction I am coming from.

So. Inheritance verses. Life verses. Verses that come to life every time you read them. At times, even though you may know them, believe them, trust them, the old soundtrack still tries to take over. This is where it is important to keep your verses close at hand.

I enjoy the Psalms, many of my inheritance words were first uttered by the subject David. He was so real. Happy, sad, powerful, weak, joyful, angry, courageous, fearful. Full range of emotions. Many of his words fit me, and most likely you too, here are some, my inheritance words, I claim them for myself, you can claim them too;

Psalms 18:19 (Speaking of God) He brought me into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.

Psalms 57:1b I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.

Psalms 119:65 Great peace have they that love your law. Nothing cause them to stumble.

Psalms 4:8 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Psalms 131;1-2 My heart is not proud, Lordmy eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with things great matters or things too difficult for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.

All of these verses give me rest. I call them to memory when times are hard. They buoy my spirit, and keep my heart strong.

But none does that for me like this last one though; I share it with you, to make you strong;

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

 

He knows us. He tells us what He thinks of us. He tells us who we are.

We are not ordinary, rejected, overlooked or insignificant.

Join me again here again as I share more of my “Excavation of my soul”.

 

 

 

5 for 5 Brain Dump x 3

I’ve been gone for a while.

Honestly – Getting back to writing was a bit difficult.

I thought the best way to begin again, would be by doing the 5 for 5 Brain Dump.

Quite simply, it works.

If you don’t know what a Brain Dump is – You can go Here to Find Out.

5 for 5 prompt; I will speak of what is rumbling beneath my skin;

Our small group is studying a book by Louie Giglio called “Goliath Must Fall”.

Today in our small group, we talked about the fact that the world is constantly looking for conflict. It always seems to want to stir things up.

When all our hearts desire, is to have a little piece of peaceful real estate to call our own. A place where we can rest.

What causes the  notion to keep things stirred up? I don’t know, but can it be fear? Fear of what? Maybe fear of what we will find there in that quiet space? Fear that what we find there will be too much? Too much grief? Too much sickness? Too much pain? Too much sorrow? Too much unforgiveness? Too much lack of hope? Any or all of these things we may find in the quiet.

When we find that “Whatever” there, we have to make a choice. We can either bury it back up again or, we can choose to face it. Toe to toe. Face to face. Head to head. That, my loves, is a fearful thing. But I can tell you that in my experience, the more difficult choice, is by far the better choice. This choice, to face the fear, leads to freedom.

If you remember back in the days of cameras with film, then you know that once the film is exposed, it is ruined for further use. It cannot be rewound and used again.

Facing the fear of what is holding on to your soul, and seeing it for what it is, is like that film. It can’t be used against you again. (Unless you let it!)

Fear is like a mouse with a megaphone. It shouts and shouts, but only has the power you give to it.

I know I’m mixing my metaphors here, but I want you to understand.

Re-using the film, is an illusion, and the mouse? Well he holds no power whatsoever. We only need see his real size, and ignore his rants.

I’m so grateful for the time I get to spend in quiet solitude, having a chance to expose the film, and recognize the the size of that mouse, for it has made me truly free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Books That Changed My Life #7

Ultimate Journey Phase 1 (231x223)The Ultimate Journey – Phase 1 (Link)

“The Ultimate Journey” is not a book as in , sitting down and reading a book. I was going to do that, but found in the very first chapter, that this would be a deep dig.

What I thought I would need a teaspoon for, needed a back hoe instead!

A little of the back story;

When I was growing up, some phrases were used with/to/about me consistently. The ones that go with THIS story, were as follows;

  • You should use your head for something besides a hat rack
  • You’ll learn more by listening
  • You’ll learn more by asking questions
  • Why do you ask so many stupid questions
  • To make people LIKE YOU as questions (Like me?)

See the conflict?

Well as a result, I just stopped asking questions. To my young brain, I got the same if I asked or if I didn’t. It was less painful not to ask.

Back story #2;

As an adult, I discovered my love for learning. The curiosity that was stifled as a child, began to come alive after I married and had children.

Questions arose, but no one slammed me for wanting to know.

Google did not exist, but the public library was a glorious place! All of my learning came for free, the only cost was the time it took to learn.

I had mentioned my learning, from reading the previously mentioned books to a friend, one who actually paid big bucks for her education, and she instantly recognized the next step I needed to take.

She loaned me a book from one of her classes. The book I was going to read and give back, turned out taking me three months and over 75 pages in my journal. Hours in my quiet chair with my thoughts. Digging. Digging. Excavating old wounds and hurts that until then, I had no vocabulary for.

Unpacking Self Deception.  The title on the first page will either make you run, or cause you to dig in your heals and get to work. Inventorying your beliefs, behaviors, your wounds. Things you needed growing up, and things you didn’t need. Why are you stuck? Why are you suffering?

I could go on, but I will just tell you that between all the questions, charts, assignments and other items in this work, the healing began to flow along with the understanding and the clarity.

Even with the help of the book, I had to decide over and over again that I indeed wanted to be healed.

It was long and arduous, but was well worth the steps I took. Alone. In my chair. With my God. Sorting, sorting, sorting questions I never knew to ask.

I did not go on to Phase 2 when I was finished with Phase 1. I had a sense of what was needed next, and have been progressing steadily ever since.

In closing, I will tell you the most important statement in this entire post;

For the first time ever in my life, I am…… Totally Free.

Worth it all?

You bet.