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A-Ha Moment.

I’m part of a live-streaming group called the PeriGirls. (Shameless plug) They are a tribe of  over 10,00 women live streamers. I have learned SO MUCH from these women! They have activities for absolutely anything and every thing you could be interested in.

If you don’t know them you can Go Here  to find out more.

OK. Back to the A-Ha moment.

The other day, the topic of discussion for the PeriGirls was to talk about an Epiphany or A-Ha moment you have had. It was so interesting to hear other women’s stories, told in their own words.

My Epiphany or A-Ha moment came a couple of days later, and that’s what I want to tell you about.

I was watching a movie with my husband. The scene took place in a news room. A pre- cell phone news room. There were phones ringing, and ringing, and ringing. Everywhere.

A thought crossed my mind about schools. The school system. The schools I went to back in the day.

School, the place itself, the place they MAKE children go to, are by their very nature, very loud, busy, crazy noisy and chaotic.

All that noise without stopping, did the same thing to me then that it does to me now. It gives me brain fog, and makes me want to hide. The difference is that back then, I had no recourse. There was no fix. I had no idea how to make it stop, nor did I even know that something needed fixed. It’s just the way it was.

Nowadays, there are some schools of thought that say we need to teach children in the way that they are wired. That we teach to their strengths. These children feel needed, nurtured, accepted and loved.

These children, are taught that they are amazing just the way they are. They are taught that different is not bad, it’s just different. The square peg does not have to fit in the round hole, nor should we make it try to.

Thirteen years of schooling, old school style, took up until my mid fifties to untangle.

I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. I no longer need to hide. I AM made in the very image of God. God does not make junk, nor does He make mistakes. He wired me how He wanted be to be wired. He knew my days before I had even one of them.

Guess what?

He knows you that way too – Ponder that for a while!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Brain Fog or Sinus Congestion?

Hello to all.

What I am experiencing this week is one of two things;

It’s either brain fog or severe sinus congestion.

Either way, things are running a tad slow upstairs.

So rather than just medicate, sit and wait it out, I thought I’d medicate, sit and read some old journals.

It’s always quite fun to see what you forgot you wrote.

I thought I’d share one or two of those writings with you this week.

It could turn into a foggy congested kind of thing or you could really enjoy it.

I’ll let you be the judge.

Here goes; from August 6, 2017.

When I Live With My Eyes Open I see …

When I live with my eyes open, I see trees. Green. Trees of every shade. I see trees with no leaves. Boney fingers reaching up into the sky, pointing out the clouds, and the birds, and the other trees. Those clouds I see can be anything I imagine them to be.

When I live with my eyes open I see people, where I was. People lost. Without a plan or a purpose, or someone to guide them. When my eyes are open I see their sadness, their emptiness, and their pain.

But with my eyes open, I can be that guide to gently show them how to be free.

It took me a while, but it was worth it, this living with my eyes open.

I am most grateful for sight, both physical and spiritual.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 for 5 Brain Dump – From December 5

If you don’t know what 5 for 5 Brain Dump is, Here to find out more.

The prompt on December 5th was;

When I trust the process I ….

5 minutes, here’s what happened.

When I trust the process …

… I no longer carry the weight of OMG – What if it doesn’t work?

… I watch as my ideas unfold and take shape.

… I am often surprised at the direction my thoughts take.

… I recognize the freedom that God has given me. To process by writing, speaking,    singing, asking questions. By being very quiet with no expectation needed.

… I am free to express my ANY thing that burns in my heart. (like my daughter Mary does)

Fearless. Expressive. Free. Unchained.

I am most grateful for this process.

It keeps me trusting, open, and free of the childhood mess that entrapped me for most of my years.

This is the end of my 5 minutes. Even here, believing every bit I’ve said, I was tempted to edit.

But that is not the process of the 5 for 5 Brain Dump.

And I choose to trust the process.

 

In All Honesty……

I’ve been told most of my Christ following life that I needed to memorize scripture.

All of my Christ following life I have tried.

In all honesty …… I’ve failed miserably.

Every trick, every hack, every equation I have accessed to do it has failed.

As a result, in all of my Christ following life,

In all honesty …… I have carried a tremendous amount of guilt for that failure.

I’ve grown in my Christ following life, to know how exactly I’ve been created,

and how different my peers and I thought that I should be.

In all honesty ….. I’m a feeler and a thinker, but lean more to the feeling side.

Pink Bible

I said all that to say this;

This morning I listened to the audio version of the Bible, Romans chapter 12, on line -cool British accent – Four times, not MEMORIZING much. I know what it says, I’ve been reading it for years, but to say it exactly – not so much.

Here for your perusal, is the “Deb Version” if you will, each verse, translated for ease of reading and understanding;

I think it came out well, and are really words I can live by.

v. 1 Present your body

v. 2 Renew your mind, transform it

v. 3 Think of yourself as God does

v.4 You do you. Your own calling.

v.5 Together we make a complete body, we need each other

v.6 Prophesy (In your own measure)

v.7 Serve. Teach.

v.8 Exhort. Contribute. Lead. Show mercy.

v.9 Love well. Hate evil.

v.10 Show honor (Out do each other in this)

v.11 Don’t be lazy. Serve enthusiastically.

v.12 Rejoice and pray, no matter what

v.13 Give and be kind

v.14 Bless the mean ones

v.15 YooHoo with those that YooHoo, and BooHoo with those that BooHoo

v.16 Live peacefully. Be nice to everyone.

v.17 Let God sort it out – You Be Nice!

v.18 Do what you can to be at peace

v.19 God’s got this.

v.20 Feed your enemy. Give him a drink. He’ll wonder what you’re up to.

v.21 Don’t let evil take over – Use the authority inside you to overcome

Simple enough? Yep.

In all honesty …… If you are at all like me, you won’t memorize this either, but you will remember some of the concepts better than the actual verses.

Now, if you are not at all like me, and need things straight up, linear, and the way they should/must/ought to be; I’ve placed the original script at the end of this post.

I hope this has been helpful.

Go with how you are created! Be happy just doing you – No body does you better!

 

Romans 12 King James Version (KJV)

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:

So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.

Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;

Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;

Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.

Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

11 Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;

12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.

14 Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

You Should Be Writing

David TennantThis picture sits in a frame on my desk.

My favorite Doctor.

You’re supposed to listen to your “Doctor”.

He IS a science fiction Doctor.

But I should still listen.

 

My problem is consistency. Procrastination. Consistency. Procrastination. Consistency. 

See the pattern? Consistent procrastination.

The words are in there, right next to the excuses and the reasons.

However when I hear these words;

“The world is waiting for your (my) words, let’s get them on the page.”  Julie Jordan Scott

I am encouraged to begin yet again. Little by little. 

5 minutes by 5 minutes. Prescribed by “Doctor” Julie.

This is my confessional today.

This is my 5 minutes.

What does your 5 minutes require of you?

 

 

 

5 for 5 Brain Dump x 3

I’ve been gone for a while.

Honestly – Getting back to writing was a bit difficult.

I thought the best way to begin again, would be by doing the 5 for 5 Brain Dump.

Quite simply, it works.

If you don’t know what a Brain Dump is – You can go Here to Find Out.

5 for 5 prompt; I will speak of what is rumbling beneath my skin;

Our small group is studying a book by Louie Giglio called “Goliath Must Fall”.

Today in our small group, we talked about the fact that the world is constantly looking for conflict. It always seems to want to stir things up.

When all our hearts desire, is to have a little piece of peaceful real estate to call our own. A place where we can rest.

What causes the  notion to keep things stirred up? I don’t know, but can it be fear? Fear of what? Maybe fear of what we will find there in that quiet space? Fear that what we find there will be too much? Too much grief? Too much sickness? Too much pain? Too much sorrow? Too much unforgiveness? Too much lack of hope? Any or all of these things we may find in the quiet.

When we find that “Whatever” there, we have to make a choice. We can either bury it back up again or, we can choose to face it. Toe to toe. Face to face. Head to head. That, my loves, is a fearful thing. But I can tell you that in my experience, the more difficult choice, is by far the better choice. This choice, to face the fear, leads to freedom.

If you remember back in the days of cameras with film, then you know that once the film is exposed, it is ruined for further use. It cannot be rewound and used again.

Facing the fear of what is holding on to your soul, and seeing it for what it is, is like that film. It can’t be used against you again. (Unless you let it!)

Fear is like a mouse with a megaphone. It shouts and shouts, but only has the power you give to it.

I know I’m mixing my metaphors here, but I want you to understand.

Re-using the film, is an illusion, and the mouse? Well he holds no power whatsoever. We only need see his real size, and ignore his rants.

I’m so grateful for the time I get to spend in quiet solitude, having a chance to expose the film, and recognize the the size of that mouse, for it has made me truly free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Books That Changed My Life #7

Ultimate Journey Phase 1 (231x223)The Ultimate Journey – Phase 1 (Link)

“The Ultimate Journey” is not a book as in , sitting down and reading a book. I was going to do that, but found in the very first chapter, that this would be a deep dig.

What I thought I would need a teaspoon for, needed a back hoe instead!

A little of the back story;

When I was growing up, some phrases were used with/to/about me consistently. The ones that go with THIS story, were as follows;

  • You should use your head for something besides a hat rack
  • You’ll learn more by listening
  • You’ll learn more by asking questions
  • Why do you ask so many stupid questions
  • To make people LIKE YOU as questions (Like me?)

See the conflict?

Well as a result, I just stopped asking questions. To my young brain, I got the same if I asked or if I didn’t. It was less painful not to ask.

Back story #2;

As an adult, I discovered my love for learning. The curiosity that was stifled as a child, began to come alive after I married and had children.

Questions arose, but no one slammed me for wanting to know.

Google did not exist, but the public library was a glorious place! All of my learning came for free, the only cost was the time it took to learn.

I had mentioned my learning, from reading the previously mentioned books to a friend, one who actually paid big bucks for her education, and she instantly recognized the next step I needed to take.

She loaned me a book from one of her classes. The book I was going to read and give back, turned out taking me three months and over 75 pages in my journal. Hours in my quiet chair with my thoughts. Digging. Digging. Excavating old wounds and hurts that until then, I had no vocabulary for.

Unpacking Self Deception.  The title on the first page will either make you run, or cause you to dig in your heals and get to work. Inventorying your beliefs, behaviors, your wounds. Things you needed growing up, and things you didn’t need. Why are you stuck? Why are you suffering?

I could go on, but I will just tell you that between all the questions, charts, assignments and other items in this work, the healing began to flow along with the understanding and the clarity.

Even with the help of the book, I had to decide over and over again that I indeed wanted to be healed.

It was long and arduous, but was well worth the steps I took. Alone. In my chair. With my God. Sorting, sorting, sorting questions I never knew to ask.

I did not go on to Phase 2 when I was finished with Phase 1. I had a sense of what was needed next, and have been progressing steadily ever since.

In closing, I will tell you the most important statement in this entire post;

For the first time ever in my life, I am…… Totally Free.

Worth it all?

You bet.