Tag Archive | Relationship

Books That Changed My Life #5

QThis book did for me “The Asperkid’s Secret Book of Social Rules” did, only it took it up a notch.

Asperkid’s showed me that I was different, just like many others.

This Book “Q. The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”, began to show me how I could make peace with my differences.

In the commentaries before the book began, Adam S. McHugh, author of “Introverts” had this to say – “I think that many introverts will discover that, even though they don’t know it, they have been waiting for this book all their lives.” I found his statement to be empirically true.

I picked it up “By accident” while out of town, waiting for an event to begin. This “accident” went a long way towards the healing of my fragmented heart. Feelings of despair and disconnectedness were about to be faced head on with truth, and put to  rest.

Our entire lives, we are told to be bold, and gregarious and outgoing. This is the gold standard. As a child, I tried and tried to be that. What made other children popular, only manged to get me in trouble. Then whenever I was caught “Daydreaming” or “Doodling”, I was quickly encouraged to “Join in the group” or “Get with the program”. Which, as I mentioned before, got me into trouble. I was reprimanded for seemingly doing as I was told.

What I really had, all those years, without knowing it, was the ability to access some deeper parts of my being than when I was running around TRYING to be an extrovert. The deepness of my heart also caused me to feel the pain of that disconnection to a deeper level. So learning that I was indeed normal; born that way; wired differently, was a great joy to me.

Perhaps the biggest thing I learned from this book was this; Trying to be someone that I wasn’t, for years, had made not only sad and disconnected, but also tired and cranky. Always being what someone else wanted me to be was exhausting to me. Susan Cain gave me vocabulary for that. It wasn’t that I was shy, or didn’t like people. Far from it. I only needed to “Recharge my batteries” after a time.

These days we call it “Self care” or “Time, life balance”. I didn’t know to care for myself, or much less, how to balance anything. Learning that keeping my social circle smaller as opposed to larger, was of great value to me.

Small talk is annoying to me. If that is all there is, I’d rather not speak. That may sound rude, it did to me too, until I realized that it falls under the “Self care” title. One on one, deep conversation actually has the opposite effect, and truly energizes me. Leaving me with far more energy for the people and things that mean the most to me. Saving that energy for them is important for myself and those I come in contact with.

I am a huge proponent of having a place in my day for quiet. Quiescence. Down time. And now I know why. I read this book in 2012. I have been using it’s content ever since.

I could go on and on about this book, but, as Lavar Burton said on Reading Rainbow – “You don’t have to take my word for it.” Read for yourself. There is so much richness here. For me anyway, it’s impact was life changing!

Psalm 139:13-18 (ESV)
13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
    I awake, and I am still with you.
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Books That Changed My Life #2

Part of Mary’s description on the back cover of her book says this; “Thin places are snatches of holy ground, tucked into a corner of our world, where we might just catch a glimpse of eternity. They are aha moments of beautiful realizations.”

Thin Places
For me, the book began stirring my heart on the very first page. I recognize this little one as a kindred spirit. A little girl in love with her Daddy. With his death at an early age, her life is changed forever. My heart is stirred.

The abuse begins early. She is threatened into silence. She is under the control of the choices of others. I understand, all too well. My heart is stirred. She learned to protect herself. Silence to the world, walls building on the inside, turning her pain into numbness. I know how to do that. My heart is stirred. 

The protection she gave herself, became a thin place for her, a place where she could “be somewhere else”. A place of knowing that people fail people, and that people take what they want at any cost. So she learned to hide. And I am stirred. But truly not gently stirred, but (violently) shaken.

In her book, Mary speaks of the longings we have as children. The ones that are very strong. The ones we cannot understand. The ones that make us doubt out worth. Longing for things that symbolize something we lack. Envying what others have, and thinking what they have will satisfy. I understand her very well. I don’t want to, but I do.

Throughout her memoir, Mary speaks of all the hidden emotions, locked inside. With searing accuracy she speaks of recognizing each one, as a Thin Place, and the healing that comes from that recognition.

I can only wonder, how many others like me there are out there. Like Mary. Those are the ones I long to be with, helping them to find and explore those Thin Places.

For me, This book was a Thin Place. Another place to see all that was hidden, and to make sense of it. A place to begin to heal.

Please feel free to comment, or message me.

 

 

Books That Changed My Life #1

What can I say about this book?

Captivating

 

I place it on a list I call my “Pre” list.

Pre – Awareness.

Pre – Connectedness

Pre – Not knowing who I am

Pre – Knowing who I am

 

 

I was lost and broken, and the worst part, I didn’t even know it!

Isn’t it just the way it is , to long for someone to think you are worth the fight?

Isn’t it just the way  it is, to keep looking for something, not knowing what is is?

Isn’t it just the way it is to retain the hard outer shell to keep from feeling the hurt and loneliness?

Are you normal for wanting anything else?

Before the “Pre” days before the knowing, before the longing, before connecting the dots, I came across a book called “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge. It was a book about men. Who they are. What they are. What they need and what they were created to be. For the first time I began to understand my husband, my brothers, and even the guy who changed my oil.  So imagine my surprise when John and his wife Stasi wrote a book, about me.

This book, one I believe every young lady, woman and grandma should read showed me so much.

Mostly it showed me that those longings were normal. That they weren’t meant to be hidden away, but fully explored. Fully felt. It was normal to want someone in my life who thought I was worth the fight.

God wanted me to know exactly how He made me. The longings and desires He has put in me, were to be fully discovered. He wanted them to bring joy and peace to my heart, and if I did it right, I would bring glory to my Father in Heaven as well.

Isn’t wanting anything else being selfish? Isn’t it self serving? I learned that neither of those were true. But I digress.

In the book John and Stasi take the reader one step at a time into the intricate and intimate way that God created a woman.

A truth so hidden by the world we live in, that it can be impossible to find it without God’s help. This is the help I needed. Delivered in a delightful read.

I first found this book in 2005.

I read it, and stewed in it for a long time. Marinated in it if you will. Tenderizing my heart for what was to come.

Click here to find “Captivating” anywhere you buy books.

In reviewing the book for this post, I realized how much I have forgotten in those pages read so long ago. I do believe it’s time to read it again. Anyone want to join me? You can contact me on Twitter @DeborahSPC.

 

 

 

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Friendship, Praise and Worship

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I’ve been going through some old writings.

Pre-blogger days.

Interesting thoughts.

Pretty sure that I am not alone in wondering how we can know these things for so long,

and yet still struggle with them.

Can any one relate?

The following is pretty much un-edited.

Comments?

 

 

Small group teaching.

Originally written in 1997.

 

Friendship, Praise and Worship

In order to be able to have true praise and worship, you must first have a relationship, a relationship of the highest calling. Does it seem impossible that the God of the universe wants us to have a relationship with Him? Webster’s dictionary says relationship means to be of the same family. The same family!!! The same family with God!!!

It also says relationship is a connection, s in a thought. Did you know that God wants our thoughts to be His thoughts? How is this possible? God is holy. God is perfect. God’s word says He wants us to renew our thoughts.  Ephesians 4:22-24 (NIV)22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

When we allow (when you allow something, it takes effort) i.e. our thoughts to be renewed, we are building a relationship with God. Think of some people in your life that you have relationship with. Are they good ones? Some are, some are not.

Let’s talk about the good ones first. How do you become friends with someone? You might go where they go or do an activity with them. You must speak right? If you were in a group of folks and never said anything how would you get to know them? How could they find out about you?

Everyone find a partner. (This partner should be someone you don’t know well, or aren’t friends with) ((Bloggers ~ please remember this was a small group setting.)) Move if you have to, it’s ok. Now I want you to look at your partner, and think of the most wonderful thing that has ever happened in your life, without saying a word! Do they know what your thought is? How could they? Now, one at a time, I want you to tell them your thought, out loud. Good for you. You just started a relationship. WOW! Was that easy or what? I don’t mean you have to chatter on and on like some folks that we know, just be open with your feelings.

There are two things we must do to build that relationship with God. 

#1 is to read His Word. Now God can and does speak to people, it’s just not the norm. So He sent is Word to tell us all about what He thinks. It’s all there guys. Anything you want to know. But how can we know if we don’t read it?

#2 Is to spend time with Him every day. The Word says to pray without ceasing. Psalm 55:17 (NIV) Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. (One gets the idea David was in a bad mood). This prayer builds the relationship. Webster’s says is to talk to God in worship or to ask for something. Why not ask God for wisdom? Wisdom on how to build this relationship! He would love to tell you. How do I know? I asked him!

Let’s read Hebrews 3:13 (NIV)But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

. If you are talking to your friend you might say, “Well Violet, you handled that problem with the children well. You sure should work with them more.” What did Violet do? She helped the kids. You just let her know that you noticed, and at the same time encouraged her to further use her gifts. The same prayer to God might go like this, “God thank you for letting Violet help those kids today. Bless her God. Help her to use her gifts for your glory. Please show me where my gifts are God, I want to be used by you.” Do you know what you just did? You praised God for Violet, you blessed Violet with your mouth and you asked for wisdom. Not too tough eh?

Let the relationship begin! Once this relationship has begun, you will begin to know the God you are friends with.

Now you can begin to praise Him. Psalm 150:6 (NIV)Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.Praise the Lord. Webster says that praise is to say good things about, or words that show approval. We can show approval of God by thanking Him for what we have.  Thank Him for friends, family, food, shelter, transportation; virtually everything we have is a gift from God. We also need to thank Him for sending His Son to die for our sins, sins too black to mention. But Jesus cleaned them up on the cross.

The trick is to b grateful for what He has given us and not crank about what we don’t have. This is where it gets tough, but by His power we can do it. Praise = Thanks.

Next is worship, showing great love admiration or reverence for God. I like to refer to it as a state of awe. Ah……………  I used to think that going to heaven and standing around all the time singing holy, holy, holy would be boring. (Boring means dull and uninteresting) But ah…….., was I ever wrong. It is peaceful here. Sitting on my Daddy’s lap and adoring Him. Letting His peace flow over me like a flood. Letting it get down to my insides. Being quiet and letting Him fill every corner of myself with His love. Being at peace is being free from war and fighting. We are safe sitting on Daddy’s lap. (This is the best!)

Growing up in my family, the daddy was pretty bad, and then he wasn’t even there anymore. He left us. I thought if God was like a daddy then I didn’t need anything from Him. I know many of you had the same experience. Believe me, if you think you don’t need Him, you couldn’t be further from the truth. God says He will never leave or forsake you. Even if your daddy was great, your Heavenly Father is better. Who do you think taught your daddy to be one? Your Heavenly Father knew you before time began.  Before time began folks. Imagine. He knows what you need. (What do you need? Do you have something in mind?) Think of yourself sitting on His lap, and Him giving you every good thing. He loves you and wants the best for you!

The Word in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. See? It tells us to pray without ceasing. I believe this prayer is a combination of praise, worship and prayer.

You can do this daily, grow in the wisdom of God, and build relationship with Him.

I double dog dare you to try this for a month.

If God has not shown Himself to you, feel free to stop.

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Fearfully and Wonderfully Made