Tag Archive | Relationship

I Thought I Would Write Today

I thought I would write today. Today at this moment. I thought I would write. I thought I would blog. I thought I would write. I thought I would blog. Not sure about what, but today, I did both.

I read a friends post today that was about wanting to write. But not sure what people would think.

Lately, I say I don’t really care what people think. The truth of the matter is that I do care. We all care. The trick is to go on ahead and do our thing anyway.

2017 brought me to many friends that I’ve never met in person. Since I’ve never met them in person, I can’t read their body language, so my brain tells me all sorts of stuff.

“They don’t really like you… They tolerate you… What else can they do?”

I’ve had these conversations with myself before about my “Real” friends. Those fears have been successfully conquered.

There is no real difference is there?

“Get over yourself…. Stop being a pest…Who do you think you are?”

The old soundtrack plays yet one more time.

Here is where I settled, for today at least.

I’ll speak my truth. People can deal with me, or not. It’s their choice.

My people, real or online, will love me just the same.

 

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About Bridges

Bridges come in many shapes and sizes.

Each built to withstand the elements surrounding it.

Simple beam bridges, may only cross a stream or a gully too difficult to traverse, and are seldom longer than 250 feet.

BeamBridge-diagram.svg

A truss bridge is a superstructure meant to carry heavy loads.

TrussBridge-diagram.svg

A cantilever bridge stretches over the obstacle, is only attached on the ends, and raises in the middle to allow for larger loads to go UNDER.

CantileverBridge-diagram.svg

An arch bridge carries the weight of traffic through the abutments on either side. These bridges are strong enough to carry trains.

ArchBridge-diagram.svg

Tied arch bridges, or bow string bridges are constructed a bit differently, and the weight is carried through tension in the bottom cord of the bridge.

TiedarchBridge-diagram.svg

Suspension bridges are suspended from cables. The earliest ones being ropes and vines. The cables hang from towers that are built deep into the ground below the bridge.

SuspensionBridge-diagram.svg

Cable-stayed bridges, like suspension bridges, are held up by cables, but have less cables, and taller towers.

CableStayedBridge-diagram.svg

But my very favorite bridge  of all is the Gospel bridge. It’s the one that God provided for us. It is built with eternity in mind. It bridges a gap that I can’t jump. I’m thankful to have a path to choose. One that is strong enough to carry a load that I could never bare.

Image result for gospel bridge

Who Are You Really?

On one of my self-excavating pilgrimages, I asked myself this question.Magnifying Glass

First I will tell you, that on these pilgrimages, of which there have been many, my travelling companions have been God the Father, His son Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

My strong belief is that through this trinity, the truth and life can be found.

The excavation can be lengthy, and often times raw, but well worth the treasure found in the end. Quitting came to mind many times, but I had to remember to keep my eyes on the prize; Freedom.

That being said, I began my journey with the old soundtrack running in my mind. You may even share the same soundtrack. It is the old song that tells you that you are ordinary, rejected, overlooked and insignificant.

In order for me to be able to show up, to tell my story, to use my voice, I needed to know exactly what God thought of me.

The first thing I did, was locate what my mentor and teacher Graham Cooke called “Inheritance scriptures”. If you are familiar with the Bible, then you should have no problem here. If you are not, let me just say that I believe it is the complete and totally true Word of God, a map and guide to how we should live our lives.

Just so you know, there is no judgement here if you believe it, or even if you don’t, but that is the direction I am coming from.

So. Inheritance verses. Life verses. Verses that come to life every time you read them. At times, even though you may know them, believe them, trust them, the old soundtrack still tries to take over. This is where it is important to keep your verses close at hand.

I enjoy the Psalms, many of my inheritance words were first uttered by the subject David. He was so real. Happy, sad, powerful, weak, joyful, angry, courageous, fearful. Full range of emotions. Many of his words fit me, and most likely you too, here are some, my inheritance words, I claim them for myself, you can claim them too;

Psalms 18:19 (Speaking of God) He brought me into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.

Psalms 57:1b I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.

Psalms 119:65 Great peace have they that love your law. Nothing cause them to stumble.

Psalms 4:8 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Psalms 131;1-2 My heart is not proud, Lordmy eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with things great matters or things too difficult for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.

All of these verses give me rest. I call them to memory when times are hard. They buoy my spirit, and keep my heart strong.

But none does that for me like this last one though; I share it with you, to make you strong;

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

 

He knows us. He tells us what He thinks of us. He tells us who we are.

We are not ordinary, rejected, overlooked or insignificant.

Join me again here again as I share more of my “Excavation of my soul”.

 

 

 

This Weeks 5 for 5 Brain Dump Challenge #5

What It Means To Be Alive

On this final 5 for 5 Brain Dump about being alive, I want to get really specific.

Here are the things important to my life.

  • Being at peace with myself; past, present and future.
  • Staying tenacious; about not letting others tell me what to think and be.
  • Being a constant learner; “When you know better, you do better.” Maya Angelou
  • To care for and serve others; “Then the king will answer, ‘The truth is, anything you did for any of my people here, you also did for me.” ERV
  • To be forever grateful for what my Heavenly Father has provided for me; health, well being, strength to abide, and for salvation.

October 23rd #wordnerds, the word was uberty; meaning – abundant opportunities.

(#Wordnerds) What is #Wordnerds?

I want to always be able to see and respond to the uberty(s) that present themselves in my life.

Making a difference in the lives of others, leaving this legacy to my children and my children’s children, that to me, is life.

What would your list look like?

 

What is 5 for 5 Brain Dump? Check here!

 

 

Books That Changed My Life #5

QThis book did for me “The Asperkid’s Secret Book of Social Rules” did, only it took it up a notch.

Asperkid’s showed me that I was different, just like many others.

This Book “Q. The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”, began to show me how I could make peace with my differences.

In the commentaries before the book began, Adam S. McHugh, author of “Introverts” had this to say – “I think that many introverts will discover that, even though they don’t know it, they have been waiting for this book all their lives.” I found his statement to be empirically true.

I picked it up “By accident” while out of town, waiting for an event to begin. This “accident” went a long way towards the healing of my fragmented heart. Feelings of despair and disconnectedness were about to be faced head on with truth, and put to  rest.

Our entire lives, we are told to be bold, and gregarious and outgoing. This is the gold standard. As a child, I tried and tried to be that. What made other children popular, only manged to get me in trouble. Then whenever I was caught “Daydreaming” or “Doodling”, I was quickly encouraged to “Join in the group” or “Get with the program”. Which, as I mentioned before, got me into trouble. I was reprimanded for seemingly doing as I was told.

What I really had, all those years, without knowing it, was the ability to access some deeper parts of my being than when I was running around TRYING to be an extrovert. The deepness of my heart also caused me to feel the pain of that disconnection to a deeper level. So learning that I was indeed normal; born that way; wired differently, was a great joy to me.

Perhaps the biggest thing I learned from this book was this; Trying to be someone that I wasn’t, for years, had made not only sad and disconnected, but also tired and cranky. Always being what someone else wanted me to be was exhausting to me. Susan Cain gave me vocabulary for that. It wasn’t that I was shy, or didn’t like people. Far from it. I only needed to “Recharge my batteries” after a time.

These days we call it “Self care” or “Time, life balance”. I didn’t know to care for myself, or much less, how to balance anything. Learning that keeping my social circle smaller as opposed to larger, was of great value to me.

Small talk is annoying to me. If that is all there is, I’d rather not speak. That may sound rude, it did to me too, until I realized that it falls under the “Self care” title. One on one, deep conversation actually has the opposite effect, and truly energizes me. Leaving me with far more energy for the people and things that mean the most to me. Saving that energy for them is important for myself and those I come in contact with.

I am a huge proponent of having a place in my day for quiet. Quiescence. Down time. And now I know why. I read this book in 2012. I have been using it’s content ever since.

I could go on and on about this book, but, as Lavar Burton said on Reading Rainbow – “You don’t have to take my word for it.” Read for yourself. There is so much richness here. For me anyway, it’s impact was life changing!

Psalm 139:13-18 (ESV)
13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
    I awake, and I am still with you.

Books That Changed My Life #2

Part of Mary’s description on the back cover of her book says this; “Thin places are snatches of holy ground, tucked into a corner of our world, where we might just catch a glimpse of eternity. They are aha moments of beautiful realizations.”

Thin Places
For me, the book began stirring my heart on the very first page. I recognize this little one as a kindred spirit. A little girl in love with her Daddy. With his death at an early age, her life is changed forever. My heart is stirred.

The abuse begins early. She is threatened into silence. She is under the control of the choices of others. I understand, all too well. My heart is stirred. She learned to protect herself. Silence to the world, walls building on the inside, turning her pain into numbness. I know how to do that. My heart is stirred. 

The protection she gave herself, became a thin place for her, a place where she could “be somewhere else”. A place of knowing that people fail people, and that people take what they want at any cost. So she learned to hide. And I am stirred. But truly not gently stirred, but (violently) shaken.

In her book, Mary speaks of the longings we have as children. The ones that are very strong. The ones we cannot understand. The ones that make us doubt out worth. Longing for things that symbolize something we lack. Envying what others have, and thinking what they have will satisfy. I understand her very well. I don’t want to, but I do.

Throughout her memoir, Mary speaks of all the hidden emotions, locked inside. With searing accuracy she speaks of recognizing each one, as a Thin Place, and the healing that comes from that recognition.

I can only wonder, how many others like me there are out there. Like Mary. Those are the ones I long to be with, helping them to find and explore those Thin Places.

For me, This book was a Thin Place. Another place to see all that was hidden, and to make sense of it. A place to begin to heal.

Please feel free to comment, or message me.

 

 

Books That Changed My Life #1

What can I say about this book?

Captivating

 

I place it on a list I call my “Pre” list.

Pre – Awareness.

Pre – Connectedness

Pre – Not knowing who I am

Pre – Knowing who I am

 

 

I was lost and broken, and the worst part, I didn’t even know it!

Isn’t it just the way it is , to long for someone to think you are worth the fight?

Isn’t it just the way  it is, to keep looking for something, not knowing what is is?

Isn’t it just the way it is to retain the hard outer shell to keep from feeling the hurt and loneliness?

Are you normal for wanting anything else?

Before the “Pre” days before the knowing, before the longing, before connecting the dots, I came across a book called “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge. It was a book about men. Who they are. What they are. What they need and what they were created to be. For the first time I began to understand my husband, my brothers, and even the guy who changed my oil.  So imagine my surprise when John and his wife Stasi wrote a book, about me.

This book, one I believe every young lady, woman and grandma should read showed me so much.

Mostly it showed me that those longings were normal. That they weren’t meant to be hidden away, but fully explored. Fully felt. It was normal to want someone in my life who thought I was worth the fight.

God wanted me to know exactly how He made me. The longings and desires He has put in me, were to be fully discovered. He wanted them to bring joy and peace to my heart, and if I did it right, I would bring glory to my Father in Heaven as well.

Isn’t wanting anything else being selfish? Isn’t it self serving? I learned that neither of those were true. But I digress.

In the book John and Stasi take the reader one step at a time into the intricate and intimate way that God created a woman.

A truth so hidden by the world we live in, that it can be impossible to find it without God’s help. This is the help I needed. Delivered in a delightful read.

I first found this book in 2005.

I read it, and stewed in it for a long time. Marinated in it if you will. Tenderizing my heart for what was to come.

Click here to find “Captivating” anywhere you buy books.

In reviewing the book for this post, I realized how much I have forgotten in those pages read so long ago. I do believe it’s time to read it again. Anyone want to join me? You can contact me on Twitter @DeborahSPC.

 

 

 

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