Tag Archive | mindset

Adulting is Hard

Adulting is hard, but some days I like it.

Adulting is hard, and some days I don’t.

Today is one of those days.

It’s one of those days I don’t.

People want opinions, ideas, answers.

I have nothing but opinions, and they really don’t want those.

Not the real ones anyway.

No matter how I say them they will sound snarky.

I am not an arguer, a debater, or a pot stirrer.

I do not like to poke the bear, or to get that stick stuck back in my eye.

I want peace. I want quiet.

Ideally, this adulting thing should be done with conversation, give and take, and a whole bunch of truth in love.

Ideally.

Kids don’t know how to do it, they need adults to teach them, but the adults don’t know how either.

Who is responsible? And that’s another thing!

Oh what a hot button! Can we each just be responsible for our own stuff? Must we always place the blame on someone else?

Don’t get me started. Or maybe I should start. See what I mean?

Adulting is Hard.

The book of Proverbs in the Holy Bible is known as the book of wisdom.

Proverbs 2:6For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;

If we read one book a day, we are ahead of the curve. Wisdom grows.

Proverbs 4:7The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.

Adulting should be a combination of experience, common sense, knowledge and yes, wisdom. Wisdom is simply the best way to apply the knowledge that you’ve acquired.

Proverbs 2:10for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;

Take it easy Deb. Take a breath. Take two breaths.

Feeling a tad better now – Thanks for letting me vent just a little.

How do YOU adult?

Please share in the comments – We can all use YOUR knowledge.

See you next time.

Ain’t Nothin’ Like the Real Thing Baby

All of these stones are real. Except one.
Can you tell the difference?

Counterfeit is great until you need the real thing.

We live in a world that is bright and shiny.

There is always something to grab our attentions, and distract us from the things that are in fact, real.

We can always find a bauble for our most current need; until we can’t.

Where do we turn when we find out that what we have been following, and holding on to, is in fact only a cheap trinket, a counterfeit of the real?

This place is both disheartening and frightening at the same time. How could we have been so fooled, so tricked, so easily duped?

It could be disheartening because, well, if we fell for something this time, then we could easily fall for it a next time.

It could be frightening because, many times these counterfeits can bring danger to us; physically, mentally or financially.

Our emotions run, and run, and stopping them takes a lot of hard work and determination.

One quality decision after another.

These are times that the counterfeit goes away, and the real comes alive; Real pain; Real stress; Real bitterness; Real sorrow.

If we could only know the REAL in advance!

Well I believe we can.

My source is the Holy Bible. Words I believe that come from God Himself.

In the day in which we live, we hear all the time that we must live our own truth.

Personally, I tried that. I lived my own truth for most of my life.

Some parts were just me, other parts were me trying to mix in a little of Him to make it into something I could try and make Him happy with.

In the words of Dr. Phil; “How’s that workin’ for ya?”

Not so well I must admit.

My ideas always ended me up someplace where the bright and shiny had worn off, and turned into dingy and dark.

I want to tell you what has worked for me.

In seeking truth and light, a real deal, I came across some verses in the Bible that made me more than a little curious to seek the readily available truth of scripture.

The truth looked like this;

In Genesis 1:27 it says;

  • So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

And in Psalms 139:13-16 it says;

  • For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

And then finally;

John 8:12 says;

  • Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

I believe these statements to be the real deal, that being said, then I also believe that we are pretty dog-gone special!

If they are real, it means that;

  • I am (We) are made in HIS image!
  • I am (We) not a mistake, He knew me BEFORE conception!
  • I am (We) will not wander around in the dark if I (We) follow Him!

This is not to say there will not be dark times; there will; but we will not falter by holding on to a counterfeit comfort and light, or shiny useless baubles for our pleasure.

Isaiah 54:17 says that;

  • No weapon formed against you shall prosper. It does no say that it won’t be formed, it says it won’t prosper.

In plain language – regarding truth vs. counterfeit – If you follow what scripture says, you will always be able to discern the truth from a lie.

Thank you for joining me here – My hope is that you will find at least one thing that will be helpful and encouraging for you on your path.

See you next time!

ADD and Quietude

Can they survive together?

This topic is huge. So huge in fact, in order to understand it totally, one would have to research and study a good long time to begin to see all of the nuances.

Let me be clear; I am no expert. I am no professional.

What I am, is an adult female who was diagnosed in adulthood with adult onset ADD.

“I thought I Was Stupid” is a really good article on the struggle of women with ADD/ADHD.

And growing up, I DID think I was stupid, when the truth was quite the opposite. I would finish my work early, then wander around the room and disturb those who were still working.

I never learned to study, so what happened was that at that very early age, when the neuron pathways were still being connected, without proper focus, I was self teaching my mind to wander.

Those connections were being made, but not exactly correctly.

This is not to say that everyone begins the same way. There are so many different scenarios that could happen. I simply believe that this is how it began with me.

Back in the day, no one was talking about this. The research just wasn’t there. We didn’t give little Johnny, or little Debbie extra work to do.

We did not guide them in the direction of their gifting. We did not “Play to their strength.”

We told them to sit down, sit still, behave, be quiet or write 500 times on the chalk board “I will stay in my seat during class.” Stop being a brat.

Consequently, at least in my case, my brain went everywhere, like monkeys in a tree, or a fart in a skillet. Everywhere except where it was supposed to be.

I would doodle. I would hum. I would whistle. I would tap my feet.

What a stupid thing – to not be able to focus. There must be something terribly wrong with me.

This is turning into a lot of words, but I need you to understand what was going on, not for me, but for yourself!

Some boys my age were diagnosed with ADD, rarely, but girls? Almost never.

“At the end of the day, if you’re just dealing with ADD, that’s great,” Solden said. “But most women—because they weren’t diagnosed as children, because they didn’t have hyperactivity or were smart—grew up absorbing a lot of wounds and shame. These women are often twice exceptional. They have incredible strengths and are really smart and creative, but they have these struggles that nobody understands, including them.” Sari Solden

Read – They had to work twice as hard!

Please read HERE for more on ADD/ADHD.

So began my obsession with Quietude – Quiescence – Quiet.

Like I said, I was diagnosed as an adult.

Here is my back story, at least in part.

Finding the doctor that I found was simply a miracle. All others before her told me I was depressed. Told me I was anxious. Told me I was something. You’ll get over it. Well I’d spent my entire life this way, so I probably was not going to just get over it.

She wanted to do a different kind of test. One for adult onset ADD.

I took a very long test followed by some in depth counseling with her, and the findings were conclusive.

This indeed was my issue; Mild enough to not be dangerous, but strong enough to keep things from settling in my brain. I did correct her about the “adult onset” part. She agreed I was most likely right.

She prescribed a low dose, medication that worked by “improving the way parts of the brain communicate with each other.”

Enter Quiet Time!

Over some time, a year or so, I saw much improvement.

I was able to actually train myself to sit quietly in my chair by the window, and calm my thoughts, and actually follow through on finding what God had in store for my life.

My doctor and I decided that since the medication had showed me how it felt to string two thoughts together, what calm(er) felt like and what it felt like to focus, perhaps I could wean off of the medication.

I did so successfully.

I had made some Quiet time rituals. I follow them to this day;

  • Same time every day
  • “Do Not Disturb” settings on all devices
  • Bible or other devotional type book
  • Quiet music or silence
  • Journal/note pad for catching random thoughts
  • Strict determination to make it work
  • Some days it is just quiet. No music. No book. No paper. Just quiet.

To close, I would like to say that EVERY day may not be successful, but I can tell you that when I began the art of “Quietude” ANY day that there was a space for quiet was a success!

Nowadays, I do have to keep track of things closely.

I still forget sometimes that “Quiet” is what I need.

On those days, like I’ve said here on this blog before – two minutes – six minutes -ten – Whatever I can do to make it work.

Introvert, Extrovert – Does not matter. Every one can benefit from a few minutes of quietness in their day.

I must tell you, YOU can overcome the issues keeping you from a quiet space.

The effort that you pour into this endevour will pay you back a thousand times over.

Because of this prolonged practice, I believe that moments that SHOULD stress me out, don’t. I believe it’s because of accumulated Quiet time.

Thanks for reading.

See you next time!

Toxic Thoughts

Toxic Thinking Although I did not buy the product, I DID buy the idea, and so went on a journey of my own to detoxify my mind.

“75% to 95% of the illnesses that plague us today are a direct result of our thought life.”

Dr. Caroline Leaf

Toxic Thoughts

What are Toxic Thoughts, and how do I get rid of them?

“Consciously control your thought life and start to detox your brain!” Medical research increasingly points to the fact that thinking and consciously controlling your thought life is one of the best ways, if not the best way of detoxing your brain. It allows you to get rid of those toxic thoughts and emotions that can consume and control your mind.

On Dr. Leaf’s About page, she gives several examples of questions to consider when beginning to get rid of toxic thoughts. Feel free to stop now, and visit the link to see her questions.

Welcome back.

Now that you’ve seen the questions, you may be wondering just exactly how they will be helpful in your search for “Quietude”?

Here’s the thing; When ever these thoughts are present in our minds, our minds become like a playground. Those thoughts are like the littles all running and jumping around! They are raucous and noisy. Some are ill mannered and disrespectful.

At any rate, it is near impossible to contain all of their activity without a plan.

So with the help of one of Dr. Leaf’s questions, we can begin.

Here is a sample of beginning to control at least one of those thought patterns.

The question I chose for this example was #5;

How much is speculation taking out of your day?

Back in the beginning, before I began to transform/renew my mind, I really had no idea just how much time and energy I spent running ideas, thoughts, speculations through there.

Now I’m not dissing the thought part, what I am dissing, is all the time and energy I spent mulling over the things I either A. Didn’t have the answer for or B. That I had no control over.

When I learned to recognize those thoughts, and then refused to give them time, it actually freed up a lot of space in my head. (And energy in my body!)

It did not happen overnight, but over time, with practice, and I might add, the Word of God, my mind (at least in the area of worrying) became a little more quiet.

I did find that reading a Proverb from the Bible every single day, helped me to isolate some of those random thoughts and concerns. (Thirty one days in a month, thirty one Proverbs – neat how that works!)

Proverbs 19:21 (ESV) Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

Now choose another question.

Note; Working on too many of these questions at the same time may not be helpful, but one or two I found to be very doable.

After a bit, you will no doubt come up with questions of your own to consider. Everyone is different.

At first it may seem counterproductive to add more questions to your already noisy mind.

However, it has been my experience, that once the answers are reached, then the mind actually will begin to quiet itself down, because it is no longer trying to figure out a hundred things a minute!

Little by little, toxic thinking shrinks and shrinks, and thinking that produces and brings life takes its place.

Join me next time as we take a brief look at the effect that ADD/ADHD and the like have on building up our quiet time.

Quiet vs. Silence

Hello again “Quietude” seekers.

Welcome back!

In this post you will find;

  • Outtakes from and article in the HuffPost
  • Results of an interesting study
  • Some practical application – Do you think they are right?
  • Links/credits at the end

The article from HuffPost states that a World Health Organization report called noise pollution a “modern plague“. The article says that;

  • Silence relieves stress and tension.
  • Silence replenishes our mental resources
  • In silence, we can tap into our imagination
  • Getting quiet can regenerate brain cells

This, put another way, is the same thing as transforming, or renewing your mind, and stated in Romans 12:2 where it says; Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

“Unnecessary noise is the most cruel absence of care that can be inflicted on sick or well.”

Florence Nightingale – Founder of modern nursing.

“Silence first began to appear in scientific research as a control or baseline, against which scientists compare the effects of noise or music. Researchers have mainly studied it by accident, as physician Luciano Bernardi did in a 2006 study of the physiological effects of music. “We didn’t think about the effect of silence,” he says. “That was not meant to be studied specifically.” (See link below to continue reading the study.)

This research began by playing quiet music, then “Bernardi and his colleagues discovered that randomly inserted stretches of silence also had a drastic effect, but in the opposite direction. In fact, two-minute silent pauses proved far more relaxing than either “relaxing” music or a longer silence played before the experiment started.”

” The blank pauses that Bernardi considered irrelevant, in other words, became the most interesting object of study. Silence seemed to be heightened by contrasts, maybe because it gave test subjects a release from careful attention. “Perhaps the arousal is something that concentrates the mind in one direction, so that when there is nothing more arousing, then you have deeper relaxation,” he says. “

I found this fascinating – I hope you did too!

“All unhappiness of men, arises from one simple fact; they cannot sit quietly in their chamber.”

Blaise Pascal – French mathematician,physicist, inventor, write, theologian.

For the final part of this post, I’ve linked a six minute video without music, just nature sights and sounds.

Won’t you take some time, two minutes, four minutes, six?

See if it has an effect on you.

Can you share what you experienced?

Silent Time

Here are the links and credits for what I have used here;

Bible Gateway

HuffPost Article

Two Minute Research

Next time; Toxic Thoughts

Hope to see you then!

All That to Say…

The whole point of the last post, “My Genre”, was to begin to give an explanation to the reason why I think having regular times of “Quietude” is important.

Here’s the thing. (I just found out it was a thing…)

I’ve been on this trek for at close to twenty years (give or take) and my INSIDES know why I do it.

When I sat down to explain it to you, I found that I didn’t know how to explain it.

So I’ve spent a couple of days, reading what I Googled, and every other thing that popped into my head.

Everything from renewing the mind to what causes it to need renewal.

What that has done, is bring back to mind many things I learned along the way, validated my thinking, and … Showed me some new advances in study about my “Genre”.

Today’s post will have two points;

  • Reasons we need Quiet
  • A new fact or two

As I state in many of my “Quiet” videos, “The world we live in, will not give us a quiet place to be. We have to find that place for ourselves.”

(You can find these videos on YouTube @Deborah SPC)

The world is constantly clamoring for our attention, wearing us so thin, that our thought processes, our emotions, and even our health, begin to pay a steep price for it.

We pay for it in sleeplessness. We pay for it in our relationships. We pay for it in addiction. We pay for it with our mental health. We pay for it in our bodies. We look for that place, and it does not exist in our sight.

Unless we create it.

Our days are busy, we (I) need time to prepare for whatever is coming my way. If I have prepared, things go much smoother.

According to scripture, even Jesus needed to prepare; to slip away and be quiet; (KJV) Mark 1:35 And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.

And from what I’ve been reading, scientists have found out that silence (instead of simple quiet) can even be better for you in some circumstances.

Silence gives our brains a chance to internalize and evaluate the information that we are receiving daily. In other words, your processors have room to work. They process.

“All profound things and emotions of things are preceded and attended by silence.”

Herman Melville

Silence also relieves stress and tension, and cognitive tasks are performed better after there has been silence.

Without all the sensory input of a noisy space, our minds can actually recover.

There is so much to say and some very interesting studies I’d like to share.

Some of it is “old” news and some of it newer.

Join me next time for a study I’ll share and even an opportunity to practice it and see how it works.

See you then!

My Genre

Today I did something I’ve never thought to do before.

I Googled my “Genre”.

I wasn’t really quite sure I “Had” a genre to tell the truth.

My passion is to lead people into seeing the value of what I call “Quietude”.

As an introvert, what this means to me is to be able to have a place to recharge my internal batteries after dealing with, as Susan Cain says; “A world that can’t stop talking”.

If you’ve been here a while, you’ve no doubt seen the little “Quiet” videos made out of the photos I take.

Little vignettes, if you will, designed to calm down the insides, help regain strength, and be ready to do it all again.

I found out so much more today! Here is what I’ll share with you for this post, and then I’ll continue with more later;

  • Where This Idea Began
  • New Information
  • Truth or Lies?
  • Slow Start
  • Onward Toward Healing

It really began way at the beginning of what I call the cave days. I was reading scripture that I had always read. Then, as it happens, some words jumped off the page, followed by a question –

ESV Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect

TLB Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from your own experience how his ways will really satisfy you.

How can I possibly do this? How could I possibly change the way I’ve thought all of m life?

Now I believe in the word of God pretty literally, so that means that if He is asking me to do something, then there must be a way to do it, right?

So I just “happened” to see an episode of something, 700 Club maybe? TBN? The episode I watched had Dr. Caroline Leaf on as a guest. Her teaching was all about re-wiring your brain, re-training it, Transforming it. This is my own simple way of putting it.

You can follow the link for the language that she uses. It involves things like neurons, synapses, and neurotransmitters. So if you’re into that, here’s your link; https://drleaf.com/about/

I had a strong feeling that by being stiller, or quieter, or silent, that I would be able to put some of this Bible idea into my real life.

I have to remind myself these days, that THOSE DAYS, were not at all easy. It was a real struggle for me to actually DO what she was saying.

But I believed Dr. Caroline’s research, and I most certainly believed that if it were not possible, that God would never require it of me.

Enter that tenacity – read hard headed-ness – that I was born with, and one more very important question; Does God tell the truth, or is He a liar?

Well I don’t believe He can lie, so I held on to that.

I started out small. Really small. Two minutes. Ten minutes. Thirty minutes was an extra successful time slot!

I sat with my journal and my Bible on my lap. Coffee by my side. And the goal of renewing my mind to the way that God had planned it from the beginning.

During that time, I believe God allowed me to work through some pretty tragic, destructive things that had been in my life ever since I could remember. Cycles that kept on returning, began to slow down, and melt away. Healing began to come to my mind, and forgiveness to my heart.

Nowadays, in the back ground, there will either be quiet ambient music or nothing at all, and healing is STILL happening.

So now you know where this journey I am on began.

Next time I’ll delve a little deeper into this process, and even some NEW things that I’m learning.

Please join me if you just want to detect a way out of your cave. This world (thinks it) has us trapped, but our minds can be renewed!

See you next time!