Tag Archive | mindset

Let's Begin With a Cliché

I know its cliché , going into the year 2020 seeking “New Vision”.

But seriously, at least for me, that’s a pretty important thing.

Some things I’m pretty clear on, while other things are as clear as mud.

I have found that if I divide my life into sections, and deal with reach separately, I can get to a pretty clear conclusion.

Then, by adding all of the conclusions together, I can come up with a plan to make things happen.

Anyway, what are those sections?

1A Personal, which involves spiritual and physical self care.

1B Personal, which involves writing, photography

2A WorkCorporate, which involves working with local, state, and regional members in a group that I’ve been in for twenty years.

2B  WorkVolunteer – as a member for the non-profit that my husband operates.

2C Work – As in home

3. Relationships – both personal and corporate.

1. Personal care, has taken much time in scripture, as well as just being quiet; settling down the recalcitrant child inside.

It has also taken much time with dealing with past traumas and dramas; airing them out, painfully I might add, going through them one by one, and asking God about the truth in each one.

It’s odd how we can see things so differently than they actually were.   

The personal work, the “Inside job” has been a real treat for me.

It has suited my introverted parts really well.

Although admittedly, there were times I just wanted to cry.  

It has taken a long time to change the filters, but I can see much more clearly now.  

The second part of personal care, the physical part, has involved being in an exercise class for the past nine years.

There have been times I had to drag my sorry butt to that class kicking and screaming, but all the while knowing that if I didn’t, I would turn in to a pile of dust.

Writing all the time is a good thing, sitting around without moving, can be deadly.

2. For personal work on an actual work level, as in day to day work; I have spent very few dollars through the years on education after high school.

I’ve been self taught on pretty much everything.

On marriage, on parenting, on keeping a home, on running a business, on spiritual matters (dealing with the trauma and the drama).

Since about 2012 or so, I’m being self taught on writing and photography.

Slow and steady wins the race, and tenacity gets you there eventually.

Honestly, 2B  (Work – corporate) can really give me fits, and it has, for as long as I’ve held the position I have.

To be totally truthful, this section has eluded me for the last several years, but every year I face it again.

I found out just this morning that this year I’ll have some help, so moving through this section can begin in earnest.

I have told myself that when others are in the mix, things can’t always be the way you want them.

That is only partly true.

Yes others being involved is a thing, but I’ve come to know that timing is an important factor as well.

What if, perhaps, I thought I had it all together before?

And it wasn’t the right time, and things still didn’t work out, or they worked out poorly, and some of the nuances would get lost in the shuffle.

(Can’t be losing those nuances!)

To be sure, there would be things learned from the experience, but there is also much to be learned through tenacity, and holding on – being a necessary place holder.

2C (Working – volunteering with my husband’s non-profit) is always a work in progress; constantly growing and changing.

3. Relationships are interesting because we need to find out why we respond the way we do to others, and what makes them respond to us the way they do?

When we figure that out, we can find that those relationships may or may not work out, and that’s OK.

We can move on, or we can make different decisions on how we deal with them from that point.  

Making the time to get to know one another is essential.

Often I find if I have an adverse response to someone first off, when I take the time to engage with them, I find that we have something for each other.

There are times when this doesn’t happen.

Sometimes what they, or I, carry on the inside of us, just doesn’t mesh, no harm, no foul.

If we didn’t take that time, we would never know which way it might turn out. 

So to summarize what’s worked for me;

I begin with a visit each of my sections, thinking them through, analyzing each, and where they are at this time.

Each year begins at a spot further down the road than last year.

Then what it really boils down to scheduling, (then keeping the schedule).

I literally have an Excel sheet divvied up by half hours for each week.

This works for me!

I can give as little or as much as each one needs.  

This is not to say that just because it is on the sheet it is carved in stone, (stuff happens) but it is to say that I DO have a certain time allotted to do each thing.

There are days I throw the schedule to the wind, and do something else, but never more than one day in a row.

Doing nothing isn’t on the list, but it should be.

Sometimes taking a nap IS the best use of your time.

But for me, more than one day is how bad habits start.

It’s easier to get OFF the path than back on it again.

I hope that you have found this helpful.

Do you have anything to add?

Please do so in the comments.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Here’ to 2020 vision! …

One Thing I Missed

As many people do, at the beginning of the year, I’ve been considering the year just finished, and digging deep to find how the year I’m entering can be better; more productive, more quiet, more adventurous, more of whatever it is supposed to be.

Like a hastily taken photograph, there has been a lot of noise in this picture.

I have been able to narrow that noise down to three top priorities.

I posted about them here and here.

In short, they are; 1. Use my writing to help others to heal from their trauma. 2. Take my photography to a higher level to show God’s magnificence and 3. To help people in a more person to person sort of way.

All of these simply mean that I need to stop making excuses, and carve out more time to work on each of these things.

All this past month or so, a different kind of thought has been surfacing around me.

It manifests in different ways and places, but it means the same thing.

I simply MUST take more time to be quiet.

Remain still.

I don’t mean just idle, we all know how to do that.

What I mean is taking that time to quiet the noise inside, so that I can think more clearly.

If you know me, you know that I am a big proponent of “Quietude”, even to the point of making little YouTube spots to help in the process.

Truth time; For the past six months or so, I haven’t been making those spots, or even using them for what they are created for.

It happens.

Life takes a turn sometimes and gets crazy.

When the crazy comes to an end, it takes some time to get back to where we (read I) need to be so we can gain some strength back – mentally, physically or spiritually.  

Enter oversleeping, overeating, over social media-ing, binge watching TV.

This isn’t all bad; the trick is to know when that time is here to stop it, and then do something about it!

One of the ways that it is being made clear to me that it’s time is through a little daily devotion that I read.

Over the last little while, it keeps talking about time, and how it’s been difficult, busy, frustrating and somewhat stagnant.

It also has been encouraging in regards to priorities, entering a new phase of life, knowing I’m not the only one, and resisting the urge (or the habit) of staying hidden away.

These devotions have talked about the significant (I like that word!) changes that have taken place during this time; and now it is time to accomplish what these changes are bringing to pass.

Coming out of this place of retreat, can seem overwhelming.

The habits that help us to be calm, take time to bring to the surface again;

The New and Improved Model!

It seems slow, even one step ahead is always preferred.

But it all makes me want to run forward.

Then today two things came in front of me almost simultaneously;   

  • I heard a friend speak (on Facebook Live) that I hadn’t heard in a while. He was talking about “Zoning out”. His word for “Quietude”. And how he must do this every day, to quiet the noise, to turn off the world we live in, so he can think; the silence speaks volumes. The “Mind of Christ” becomes clearer to him at these times.
  • Today’s devotion was this; January 14, 2020:  Take a breath and settle down, says the Lord.  I know your sense of urgency and impatience to get a move on, but right now I need you to be tolerant and long-suffering.  Otherwise, you will remove yourself from the flow of divine destiny.  Keep yourself in My Spirit and take life as it comes with the grace I will provide.  Romans 16:24 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.

Oh my goodness.

Gently and kindly I’ve been being pushed in this direction – and then today……

It didn’t seem very gentle.

It seemed very firm and deliberate.

Listen up.

Take the time.

I used to teach people that even if you start with five minutes, it could help.

Then you can move the time out as your grow in strength.

But God can work with ANY time that we give Him.

How did this get left off of my priority list?

Well its back on there folks.

Beginning today!

“Quietude” first!

The results will be amazing!

I’ve experienced them before, those “Quietude” moments.

And look forward to enjoying them again!

Thanks for staying with me.

Until next time!

The Right Direction in 2020

Moving on.

Here are a few tips for resolving cognitive dissonance; this article suggests asking the following questions.

  • What are the two cognitions that aren’t fitting together?
  • What actions would I need to take to eliminate that dissonance?
  • Do I need to change any specific behaviors? Or do I need to change a mindset or belief?
  • How important is it for me to resolve the dissonance?

It seems that cognitive dissonance is quite similar to holy dissatisfaction, which I addressed in this post.

It has two abilities; it can put you in a place where you are stuck in the dark, or it can shine on that darkness, and give you a means to get into the light.

We get to choose.

So here I’ll do some inner work right out in the open.

Feel free to stick with me while I ruminate.

In my previous post, I listed three separate areas that are always on my mind, but somehow, there seems to be some cognitive dissonance going on.

  1. Helping people isn’t clear enough.

*What are the two cognitions that aren’t fitting together? My desire to help people vs. my desire to stay at home with my own thoughts is clearly at odds with each other.

*What actions would I need to take to eliminate that dissonance? I need to MAKE time for others and observe people better for places where they can use help.

*Do I need to change any specific behaviors? Or do I need to change a belief or a mindset? Be more discerning.

Sometimes helping people is not only physical, as in helping them clean out a closet, paint a room , or move across town.

Sometimes it is simply sitting quietly with them while they take time to grieve or to try to figure things out.

Discernment and timing are most important here.

The belief I need to change is that in many cases, I feel like folks can work it out themselves, why would they need my help?

When likely, they are too afraid to or shy to ask for it.

How many times do we say “I don’t want to bother you but….?”

They probably do too.

*How important is it for me to resolve the dissonance? Resolving this dissonance is imperative.                                                                                                                                

  • Just writing isn’t enough.

*What are the two cognitions that aren’t fitting together? It is said by many, that to be a writer, you must write.

Writers write. That’s what they do.

Every day; I need to write every day.  

Also, great writers read, a lot.

I go in cycles, even though I know that writing often, makes writing easier, and reading many different sources, whether you agree with what has been written, or not, causes your brain to be more creative, and more critical in its thinking, allows thoughts to flow more freely.

*What actions would I need to take to eliminate that dissonance? I have journals and documents full of junk.

Inside those tomes of junk though, there are jewels.

Lessons learned.

Grievances grieved.

Abundance of joy portrayed, even atrocities forgiven.

I need to take more time to excavate them, and share the most helpful parts.

*Do I need to change any specific behaviors? Or do I need to change a mindset or belief? I believe my mindset to be sound, but my behaviors can get out of sync.

I am very good when I have a schedule; I have a schedule.

When cognitive dissonance shows up, my schedules go out the window. Laziness or fogginess then prevails.

One thing I have found, is that just because you have a schedule, doesn’t mean it is forever.

Recognizing when it becomes obsolete is a big thing.

When this happens, I need not delay – but change it!

Changing it up is most helpful. How about doing that instead of binge watching something on TV?

*How important is it for me to resolve the dissonance? One of my mentors, Sharon, tells a story of her driving passed a graveyard once, and having to pull over to the side of the road because she was weeping so hard. (She is not a crier!)

She prayed and asked why she was having this response, and the answer she heard was that she was weeping for all the gifts and talents that were buried there in that grave yard that had never been realized.

Well I’m not much of a crier either, but if I had the the sense of going to my grave without sharing all that my experiences have taught me, well, that would make me cry too.                                               

  • Enjoying taking photos isn’t enough.

*What are the two cognitions that aren’t fitting together? I enjoy taking photos of natural things.

I love clouds, skies, sunrises, sunsets, rivers, and mountains. All of these have found their way into the view finder; on my phone.

I have a regular camera. I don’t know how to use it.

I’ve always been a watcher, so to speak, but when I started taking photos on my phone, I began to realize that I was looking are so much more than just clouds.

They are an expression of God’s love for me, and these things show me just how much he wants me to enjoy all that He has created.

These things show His power and His majesty.

*What actions would I need to take to eliminate that dissonance? I’ve printed out all the camera instructions so that they are easy to see.

Just like reading, I need to take the time to study the manual, and then actually do the work.

*Do I need to change any specific behaviors? Or do I need to change a mindset or belief? The biggest behavior is what I listed before, Schedule, rework that schedule. I need to schedule time for writing, schedule time for reading, schedule time for learning. 

Then stick with it! (Practice what I preach!)

*How important is it for me to resolve the dissonance? It will be the difference between being successful, or being stagnant.

The first part of 2019, I did really well in my journal.

For the second half of the year, my blog posts have been very regular, even if the topics were super varied. (Maybe that is better?) 

This morning I was able to read the article from magazine that inspired A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. (Movie with Tom Hanks as Mr. Rogers)

(It seems like a rabbit trail, but stay with me) Growing up, Mr. Rogers was my hero, I dare say, even now.

He was perhaps my very first REAL friend.

I didn’t know it then, but perhaps Fred Rogers was a representation of Jesus to me then.

One who loved me no matter what. He “wanted to do things right, and whatever he did right, he wanted to repeat.”

Can You Say Hero? Tom Junod – Esquire Magazine – November 1998. In this article, it tells how Fred Rogers always had a schedule He kept it daily.

His ability to maintain that schedule; put him in a position to help multitudes of children, and adults; generations!  

Oh that I could represent my Jesus in such a way.

Thanks for hanging out with me while I processed just a little through the discrepancies that I see that hold me back.

Let 2020 be the year that we set ourselves free.

Free to help others and to do all that we are tasked to do before we’re done.

Mr. Rogers

Year End Ponderings

The last post of the year, and especially the new decade, should it seems, have at least a little weight to it.

Or maybe, a whole lot of levity.

I have neither.

Cognitive Dissonance keeps coming to my mind, perhaps because it is in this season that we recognize where we need change, and decide if we really want to do that or not.

(cog·ni·tive dis·so·nance nounPSYCHOLOGY-the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.)

Most times we begin out new day, week, month, year, decade with great gusto.

There are many things on our minds that seem like they can get us where we want to go; help us accomplish what we want to accomplish.

Problems arise I think, when we do not have a clear idea of the place we want to end up.

I am very guilty of such vaugery.

The vagueness of my thinking, has landed me in spaces of cognitive dissonance more than once.

Helping people, isn’t clear enough. 

Just writing isn’t enough.

Enjoying taking photos isn’t enough either.

 Do I do these things simply for enjoyment? If so, that’s OK.

But if I want to excel in any, or all of these areas; to minister to others or to make a bit of money, that’s OK too.

But then my actions must change to reflect that.

For many years I’ve found myself going in and out of the space of cognitive dissonance.

Making the decisions that go with helping people, writing words, or taking photos, are directly related to the amount of effort I am willing to put into them.

At decision time; I’m gung-ho.

Then after a bit, I fall into procrastination, in-attention, fatigue, or just plain laziness; this is where the cognitive dissonance comes in.

I become so disenchanted with my “work” that whatever ends I thought would come, seem to melt away.

Followed by guilt for not following through.

Cognitive dissonance – My actions fail to line up with my goals – enter guilt.

Such a cycle.

I know that it happens to you as well.

I have it on good authority it is a very human thing.

“Decisions are part of life. You have to make hundreds of decisions to get through each day. What you may not know is that decision making arouses dissonance as a general rule.” Understanding Cognitive Dissonance.

My general belief, is that the trauma that I lived through, whether intentionally, or unintentionally placed on me, has shown me how one can not only survive, but forgive, and thrive regardless of the past;

And so I write.

I write with the intention of helping others avoid some pit falls while on their way to healing.

I have always loved looking at the clouds, the trees, the rivers, and the sunsets.

The architecture of buildings, and the things that God has built for us to enjoy, have always been a way of escape;

and so I take photos.

What happens when these two things take place in my life?

I get to exchange the savagery of a past life, for the beauty of a creation that God has given me; a creation that enlightens my heart and overshadows any incoming grief.

It is a constant reminder that God is always there.

He shows Himself to me daily.

I need only look.

And share.

And that will be enough.

I want that to be enough; enough to help others out of the darkness that so tries to entangle them.

Since these are my core beliefs, I can tell when I’m veering away from them.

That cognitive dissonance begins to try and bring me down, and away from my purpose again and again.

I hate to leave you hanging, here at the end of 2019, but I need some more time to consider this position.

Perhaps you do to.

I’ll return on the first day of 2020.

Join me here please!

So we can encourage each other on how to make our 2020 just as productive as we possibly can.

So we can face the distraction of cognitive dissonance.

Together.

Friday Favorites #4 – Blogs

Greetings!

It’s Friday, and a holiday week, but don’t let that stop you from visiting some amazing bloggers.

These bloggers are making a difference sharing what’s on their minds.

They are contributing to waking us up to thoughts we might not have thunk!

If you can’t read them now – Save then for later!

It will be well worth your time!

Stuart M. Perkins – Storyshucker

BE KITSCHIG

REASONS@STAY

THE ALCHEMIST’S STUDIO

Until next time …..

Review Your Bubble

Long ago (2016), I wrote a blog post all about living life in a bubble.

You can read it here;

https://significantencounters.com/2016/08/30/living-life-in-a-bubble/

Somewhere in there, was the thought about “Holy discontent”.

Has your discontent caused you to hide in that bubble?

Or has your discontent helped you to find a way out, and on to something new?

And about considering your bubble – Is it a comfy place? Or a prison?

Recognizing the difference is really important.

Here is where we need to be able to discern the difference between hiding,

and simply taking time away to understand where our contentment lies.

Don’t become stuck.

Don’t get too comfy.

Growth and discomfort – they seem to go hand in hand.

Learn from your discontent – it may push you further than you might think possible.

We tend to learn more when the storm is raging – if we don’t hide from it.

Let me encourage you, as I have had to encourage myself, to see your bubble for what it is.

Stay there for as long as is healthy, then,

Step out of it.

See what God has in store for you on the other side.

Screen Life

Late in the Summer, our church always has a huge service/picnic at a local park.

It’s a great opportunity to not only be outside, but to gather together and hang out with other church goers in a way that isn’t always done.

In a word, it’s refreshing.

Here is what I noticed;

Note that the pastors are standing in front of a large screen.

It’s there of course so that folks can see even if they are far away.

Here’s the thing;

Even though I was up close and personal, I still found myself looking at the screen instead of the pastors.

I must admit that I find myself looking at the screen even when we are gathered inside.

While inside in Israel, I found the same thing.

Note that the lovely Jane is also on a screen.

(In my defense I was in the back of the room, and the screen came in very handy)

I’ve since been looking around everywhere I go, and I see the same thing.

I know that you do too.

Screens are predominant.

They are every where, being held by every one.

Look what we are doing here even now, looking at a screen.

It can be said that we are creating relationship, and in a way we are; but there is a large drawback;

I’m speaking for myself when I say this;

It is far easier for me to talk to others, from the other side of a screen.

It’s easier for me to watch a movie or a video than to read a book.

My concentration level has been greatly decreased since the advent of screens everywhere in my life.

So what can we do?

Personally, I have had to say yes to more “Social” things than I have in the past.

Places where I have to leave my phone in my pocket, with the volume turned off.

Places where I am expected to actually speak instead of type.

Photo from Google

Our kids have more screen time than is healthy for them, many are provided with laptops instead of regular books.

Now I don’t mind telling you that sometimes I have the attention span of a gnat!

I do however have training that came from a time BEFORE screen time and 280 character rants.

For this, I am grateful; at least I know it is POSSIBLE to read and write.

This is the only world my grandchildren have ever known.

Looking a screens, speaking in memes and emojis.

Are we spoiling our children’s ability to read, and comprehend?

I have noted, and actually heard it said, that when trying to memorize Bible verses, one can do it much better in an actual Bible than on some kind of device.

Is it like turning off the device turns off your brain as well?

So reading and memorizing is tactile as well as mental?

I gave a postcard to one of my grand daughters after our trip to Israel.

She commented that she could barely read cursive; but just enough to know what I had written on the card.

Do you have any ideas that you would care to share about how you handle screen time in your life and realm?

Please do share with us in the comments any ideas you may have on this topic.

Perhaps we can make a difference here.

Until next time….