Tag Archive | introvert

Raw and Real #5 – Little Girl

Little Girl – 6 months – 6 weeks

I often refer to this part of my life as an “Excavation”.

I had no idea that the endeavor I was beginning would take as long as it did; or dig as deep.

I had worked on my “issues” for a long time.

I’d remembered, and forgiven, and moved on.

I was unaware that there was a lot of residual ickyness left over.

(In the form of grief, and fear, sadness, and more)

Then, while chatting with a friend, who had taken some courses in psychology and such, recommended one of her study books to me;

The Ultimate Journey – Phase 1 (book and workbook) I did not need to buy them because I could borrow hers. 

 My intent was to borrow the book, read it, and have it back to her in a couple of weeks.

The excavation that I thought would be with a teaspoon, and take a month, ended up being undertaken with a massive “digger-thing”,

(My husband tells me it’s a back hoe)

and would stretch out over almost a six month period.

The work involved answering many, many questions on different things from each “era” of life;

Pre-born, pre-school, grade school, middle school, high school, early adult.

I cannot possibly tell you every step.

What I can tell you that once I began, I literally could not stop.

It was a long, arduous, painful journey; but in the end, it brought LIFE.

The two parts, I think, that brought me farthest out of darkness into the light were these;

*The first thing was to go through a prepared list of beliefs that you hold about yourself.

If you agreed with any of them, you would check them off.

This was followed by a prepared list of ways that those beliefs might cause you to behave,

again checking them off along the way if they applied to you.

Can I tell you that they were questions that I NEVER would have dreamed up on my own, and I think that’s why they were so helpful.

I saw things in my life that I didn’t realize were even there.

I recognized behaviors, I never knew I had, but once recognized, they all made sense.

It took a significant amount of time to work through

Each. One.

Significant quiet time, with many tears.

Often with the ugly cry thrown in for good measure.

*The second thing was perhaps the most difficult for me.

It felt strange to do it, but after I did, there was so much release in my spirit that I felt like a different person.

If I did not believe this scripture;

Ephesians 4:23 (ESV) And to be renewed in the spirit of your minds;

I would have gone no further.

Because I do not believe God tells us to do things that though Him are not possible.

Here is what was next;

The study guided me to go back.

Go back to the little girl that I used to be, beginning BEFORE birth.

I know, I know.

But if I had not done it myself, I might not have believed it either.

Stay with me here.

I just re-read my work, the sadness was overwhelming.

(I kept the questions and answers in a journal because I would have to return the books eventually)

I was instructed to write a letter from her, to me; then answer her back.

Each “era” had the same exercise.

Through these letters, I was able to “take her hand”, and walk with her out of the darkness of all the misunderstandings that kept her trapped for all those years.

Scripture tells me in John 8:36 (ESV) If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed, and in John 8:32 (ESV) you will know the truth, and the truth will set you that free.”

In my mind and in my heart, I told her the truth, and she is free.

Truly, the hurts that used to take six years to get over,

changed from that to six months, then to six days.

Now today, if I hold a hurt more than six hours it’s too long.

Depending on the hurt, I’ve been known to get over it in less than six minutes.

It is not always easy, but it is always intentional.

There is no way that I could cover this topic in full, but I wanted you to realize the possibilities of being truly free of the things holding you in your past.

For me it was two things that keep me moving forward,

my belief in God’s word,

and the tenacity and intentionality that is kept in this introverted heart of mine.

I hope you’ll join me here next time, while we look at

Identity. Until then …

Make a Moment

What state do you find yourself in these days?

I don’t mean like the state of Iowa or California, or Indiana.

I mean in your heart and your mind.

Truthfully, I find my self in a state of holy dissatisfaction.

I call it holy because I believe it is God ordained.

At times, the only way I can be convinced to move forward!

Commercials do it all the time!

They convince us how dissatisfied we are with a given product on a given day, so that we will move on out and purchase their products.

Holy dissatisfaction = displeasure, discontent, disappointment, unhappiness, frustration.  

My previous post I wrote about Cave Dwelling.

This post is more about what pushes us into and/or out of that cave.

Don’t get me wrong.

Contact is fine, that leaving the cave.

But in truth, it isn’t always energizing, and sometimes it’s simply exhausting.

People can be loud.

People can be out of order.

People and be stinky and ill mannered.

(And maybe they think I am all of those things!)

People, like myself, are just trying to get back to their caves.

When it comes down to it, the reality is that people are not noticing the people and things around them that have nothing to do with their day, unless they happen to get in their way.

We’re all just trying to return to our cave dwellings.

We live all together, yet alone.

In other words, you really can get too much of a good thing.

Too much time presiding contentedly in our caves can indeed become excessive (or obsessive) to the point of being “too much of a good thing”.

It can turn us into self centered persons, who are really unappealing.

This condition I’ve found in myself has caused in me something I will call “Holy dissatisfaction“, here is an example;

-I have a favorite shirt. I wear it all the time. It starts out pristine. It becomes comfortable. After time it begins to break down. It becomes threadbare. It no longer serves its purpose, “dissatisfaction”, has been achieved, and the shirt must be replaced. I get to choose at this point whether to replace it or not. If I don’t, it will further disintegrate, causing sadness and possible regret for me not being able to make the change. If I venture out for a new shirt, I may find that there are others out there that I can enjoy just as much.-

Seeking out others can be loud, and messy, and exhausting; but isn’t that what we’re here to do? Reach out to others?

  • What if I see out and about in town today, and I manage to “get in your way”?
  • What if I greet you pleasantly instead of growling?
  • What if I can help you reach that item high on the shelf?
  • What if I let you in on that line of traffic, or buy your coffee in the drive thru?
  • What if I could give you just one good thing to smile about today?

It really wouldn’t cost me much of anything extra.

That would create a wonderful moment for each of us.

But I had to leave my “Cave” in order to make that happen.

So let me encourage you – Make a moment. Make two.

Heck, let’s make it a habit!

Making moments until next time.

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them. Matthew 18:20 (ESV)

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21 (ESV)