“The Ultimate Journey” is not a book as in , sitting down and reading a book. I was going to do that, but found in the very first chapter, that this would be a deep dig.
What I thought I would need a teaspoon for, needed a back hoe instead!
A little of the back story;
When I was growing up, some phrases were used with/to/about me consistently. The ones that go with THIS story, were as follows;
- You should use your head for something besides a hat rack
- You’ll learn more by listening
- You’ll learn more by asking questions
- Why do you ask so many stupid questions
- To make people LIKE YOU as questions (Like me?)
See the conflict?
Well as a result, I just stopped asking questions. To my young brain, I got the same if I asked or if I didn’t. It was less painful not to ask.
Back story #2;
As an adult, I discovered my love for learning. The curiosity that was stifled as a child, began to come alive after I married and had children.
Questions arose, but no one slammed me for wanting to know.
Google did not exist, but the public library was a glorious place! All of my learning came for free, the only cost was the time it took to learn.
I had mentioned my learning, from reading the previously mentioned books to a friend, one who actually paid big bucks for her education, and she instantly recognized the next step I needed to take.
She loaned me a book from one of her classes. The book I was going to read and give back, turned out taking me three months and over 75 pages in my journal. Hours in my quiet chair with my thoughts. Digging. Digging. Excavating old wounds and hurts that until then, I had no vocabulary for.
Unpacking Self Deception. The title on the first page will either make you run, or cause you to dig in your heals and get to work. Inventorying your beliefs, behaviors, your wounds. Things you needed growing up, and things you didn’t need. Why are you stuck? Why are you suffering?
I could go on, but I will just tell you that between all the questions, charts, assignments and other items in this work, the healing began to flow along with the understanding and the clarity.
Even with the help of the book, I had to decide over and over again that I indeed wanted to be healed.
It was long and arduous, but was well worth the steps I took. Alone. In my chair. With my God. Sorting, sorting, sorting questions I never knew to ask.
I did not go on to Phase 2 when I was finished with Phase 1. I had a sense of what was needed next, and have been progressing steadily ever since.
In closing, I will tell you the most important statement in this entire post;
For the first time ever in my life, I am…… Totally Free.
Worth it all?