Tag Archive | Dream

Books That Changed My Life #5

QThis book did for me “The Asperkid’s Secret Book of Social Rules” did, only it took it up a notch.

Asperkid’s showed me that I was different, just like many others.

This Book “Q. The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”, began to show me how I could make peace with my differences.

In the commentaries before the book began, Adam S. McHugh, author of “Introverts” had this to say – “I think that many introverts will discover that, even though they don’t know it, they have been waiting for this book all their lives.” I found his statement to be empirically true.

I picked it up “By accident” while out of town, waiting for an event to begin. This “accident” went a long way towards the healing of my fragmented heart. Feelings of despair and disconnectedness were about to be faced head on with truth, and put to  rest.

Our entire lives, we are told to be bold, and gregarious and outgoing. This is the gold standard. As a child, I tried and tried to be that. What made other children popular, only manged to get me in trouble. Then whenever I was caught “Daydreaming” or “Doodling”, I was quickly encouraged to “Join in the group” or “Get with the program”. Which, as I mentioned before, got me into trouble. I was reprimanded for seemingly doing as I was told.

What I really had, all those years, without knowing it, was the ability to access some deeper parts of my being than when I was running around TRYING to be an extrovert. The deepness of my heart also caused me to feel the pain of that disconnection to a deeper level. So learning that I was indeed normal; born that way; wired differently, was a great joy to me.

Perhaps the biggest thing I learned from this book was this; Trying to be someone that I wasn’t, for years, had made not only sad and disconnected, but also tired and cranky. Always being what someone else wanted me to be was exhausting to me. Susan Cain gave me vocabulary for that. It wasn’t that I was shy, or didn’t like people. Far from it. I only needed to “Recharge my batteries” after a time.

These days we call it “Self care” or “Time, life balance”. I didn’t know to care for myself, or much less, how to balance anything. Learning that keeping my social circle smaller as opposed to larger, was of great value to me.

Small talk is annoying to me. If that is all there is, I’d rather not speak. That may sound rude, it did to me too, until I realized that it falls under the “Self care” title. One on one, deep conversation actually has the opposite effect, and truly energizes me. Leaving me with far more energy for the people and things that mean the most to me. Saving that energy for them is important for myself and those I come in contact with.

I am a huge proponent of having a place in my day for quiet. Quiescence. Down time. And now I know why. I read this book in 2012. I have been using it’s content ever since.

I could go on and on about this book, but, as Lavar Burton said on Reading Rainbow – “You don’t have to take my word for it.” Read for yourself. There is so much richness here. For me anyway, it’s impact was life changing!

Psalm 139:13-18 (ESV)
13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
    I awake, and I am still with you.
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Books That Changed My Life #4

I stumbled upon this book while looking at research on Asperger Syndrome. The name caught my attention, as I was looking for ways to understand and connect with my grandchild, who has the syndrome. Asperkid

I did not want to do anything that would make their situation worse, so a full understanding of what their life was like was in order. Little did I know just how well suited I was to understand!

As I was reading, I began to see a little familiarity. Some of the things listed in this book, I understood all too well. As the author first states in the first pages of the book ; ” Where was this book when I, like, needed it?”

Growing up, I always felt like the square peg in the round hole. The one who was always a bit too loud, a bit too kinetic, a bit too spacey, a bit too dreamy. These were the nice things I was called. I was constantly breaking many social rules that I never knew existed.

Now, more than ever I needed to be able to understand my grand child, by doing so, would also understand myself as well. After all these years. Years of ruminating over the smallest inflections of disapproval from other people, the lights began to brighten.

I was not defective. I was wired differently. My curvy way of thinking didn’t mesh well with the linear, stand in a straight line kind of thinking of organized school, and now I knew why. Indeed I was a square peg, but it was OK.

Enter Psalm 139: 1-4, 13-16, 23-24 (ESV). It reads as follows;

Search Me, O God, and Know My Heart

139 Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts![c]
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting![d]

 

He knew me all along, and created me just the way I was supposed to be!

 

 

Books That Changed My Life #1

What can I say about this book?

Captivating

 

I place it on a list I call my “Pre” list.

Pre – Awareness.

Pre – Connectedness

Pre – Not knowing who I am

Pre – Knowing who I am

 

 

I was lost and broken, and the worst part, I didn’t even know it!

Isn’t it just the way it is , to long for someone to think you are worth the fight?

Isn’t it just the way  it is, to keep looking for something, not knowing what is is?

Isn’t it just the way it is to retain the hard outer shell to keep from feeling the hurt and loneliness?

Are you normal for wanting anything else?

Before the “Pre” days before the knowing, before the longing, before connecting the dots, I came across a book called “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge. It was a book about men. Who they are. What they are. What they need and what they were created to be. For the first time I began to understand my husband, my brothers, and even the guy who changed my oil.  So imagine my surprise when John and his wife Stasi wrote a book, about me.

This book, one I believe every young lady, woman and grandma should read showed me so much.

Mostly it showed me that those longings were normal. That they weren’t meant to be hidden away, but fully explored. Fully felt. It was normal to want someone in my life who thought I was worth the fight.

God wanted me to know exactly how He made me. The longings and desires He has put in me, were to be fully discovered. He wanted them to bring joy and peace to my heart, and if I did it right, I would bring glory to my Father in Heaven as well.

Isn’t wanting anything else being selfish? Isn’t it self serving? I learned that neither of those were true. But I digress.

In the book John and Stasi take the reader one step at a time into the intricate and intimate way that God created a woman.

A truth so hidden by the world we live in, that it can be impossible to find it without God’s help. This is the help I needed. Delivered in a delightful read.

I first found this book in 2005.

I read it, and stewed in it for a long time. Marinated in it if you will. Tenderizing my heart for what was to come.

Click here to find “Captivating” anywhere you buy books.

In reviewing the book for this post, I realized how much I have forgotten in those pages read so long ago. I do believe it’s time to read it again. Anyone want to join me? You can contact me on Twitter @DeborahSPC.

 

 

 

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Significant Encounters; Death of a Dream

In this post – http://wp.me/p1Deai-FE – Fingerprints, Heartbeats and Fresh Fruit – I said that “my past is not where I want to go, or stay” but I will need some examples from there to describe the journey to here.

I had a dream once, a big one. That dream was that my Mom and I would be in ministry together.

Her heart was to reach out to those who the world considered unlovely, to let them know that there was a Creator God who loved them so much, that He would wait for them to hear His still small voice, and come to Him for all their needs. He is infinitely patient, infinitely kind, and infinitely loving.

She told people that. She shared His love with them over and over until they got it. In essence, she was being just like Him.

Little did we know that her diagnosis in September, just six days after 9/11, would bring her to her eternal rest by Thanksgiving.

Her care fell to me, since we lived the closest to her. My new grandson, whom I was babysitting for, and I took the 40 mile trek every day to stay with her in her own home. In the evenings, the sweet ladies in her church stayed with her. Overnights became a nightmare for her, and it was decided that she would come and stay in our home until the inevitable happened.

Holy Spirit stayed with us too. He was a constant comfort as care became more and more difficult. The pastor from the local Hospice mentioned that the spirit in our home was different than most she encountered in homes with these circumstances. I was doing fine.

Mom’s funeral was the day before Thanksgiving. It was lovely. God’s love and an invitation to know Him were of course included at her request.

The following day, we emptied most of her home. An empty house in her neighborhood was just asking for trouble. I was doing fine.

The next little while was full of learning how to do things without having her along. I knew we were “Sidekicks”, but I never really knew how much.

Adjusting to her absence was not going to be easy, but, I was doing fine.

I had never experienced grief that closely before, so I really did not know what to be looking for. One by one, one thing at time, I began to have symptoms, strange symptoms. I ignored each one, until they could not be ignored any more. Lying on the floor, barely able to move from the pain, I knew it was time to get something done. I went with a list of 32 different symptoms to my doctor. I was not doing fine.

He said alone, all these symptoms seemed like nothing, but together, they became something, his tentative diagnosis was Fibromyalgia, for which he began to medicate me for. To no avail, I was still not fine.

After literally months with no relief in sight, and a recommendation from my gynecologist, I decided to leave the doctor I had known for all of my adult life, and go to one she knew personally, who would look further into what might be happening to me.

With a new doctor in tow, we began a long process of testing and testing and more testing, until finally the problem was found. The main problem was my thyroid. I was going to be fine.

That being found out, the medication began. It was about a year long process to find the right medicine with the right dosage level things out. When I asked him how a thyroid gets all wonky in the first place, he was quick to tell me that a number of things could cause it, but in most cases, it is due to some sort of trauma, a car accident, loss of a job, family trouble.  Had I experienced any trauma? When I gave him my laundry list of symptoms, he said “That would do it!”

All this to say, a death of any sort, whether it be a close friend or family member, or the death of a dream or a way of life, and in some cases even grieving the lost of a childhood, it must be grieved. If it is not grieved, it can turn on your insides, and eat you up, one symptom at a time.

That was 12 years ago, and now, I am doing fine. There have been a few traumas since, but Holy Spirit has taught me step by step, how to grieve them, and release them to Him so they cannot do the same damage as before.

My Significant Encounter came at a time when I had no other options. I did not know where to look. God gave me the proper people with the proper knowledge, at the proper time, a time when I could acknowledge my lack of ability to “Do fine”.

My Significant Encounter came in the form of these doctors who went above and beyond the call, so to speak, to find the answer to the riddle that was locked inside my body and actually causing it to attack itself.

Proverbs 17:22 (KJV) says this, A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

Keep your eyes, heart and spirit open for that Significant Encounter, the one that will change everything.

Perhaps the most Significant Encounter of all, will be the one where you encounter Jesus, and invite Him in to help make you “Do fine”.

Related reading;

http://wp.me/p1Deai-cE  – Significant Encounters Friday

http://wp.me/p1Deai-tW – Distracted Encounters

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Psalms 139:13-16  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.