Tag Archive | Emotions

Raw and Real #4 – Introvert

Many people, most in fact, have a misconception of what that is, as did I.

 I think that the definition of the word introvert has changed over the years, due to more study on the personality traits, types, and temperaments of people.

Introvert, Dear posted a really nice article → Introvert, Dear – This is for all the quiet ones.  if you care to read in depth on this misconception.

Here is the quick definition from that article;

“The definition of an introvert is someone who prefers calm, minimally stimulating environments. Introverts tend to feel drained after socializing and regain their energy by spending time alone. This is largely because introverts’ brains respond to dopamine differently than extroverts’ brains. In other words, if you’re an introvert, you were likely born that way.”

In this post, I spoke about spending a lot of time alone.

That was never really a problem until I started school, and was “required” to work and play well with others.

As I grew through the elementary school years, and on into the upper grades, this became a real problem.

My lack of social skills, and inappropriate responses to others, either drove them away, or caused them to bully me.

Unfortunately, the second thing, bullying, was the one most of them chose.

Here is a post from 9.5.2011 that describes my life at that time. →Sticks and Stones.

With this “Cycle” that followed through to my adulthood, I was the one deemed “Trouble”.

I was the one who would have to learn to deal with it, or watch it repeated in my children.

I spent many years as a new mom, attending church.

Church where I perceived all the “Perfect” little moms, and their “Perfect” little families, all seated in “Perfect” little rows.

While I sat “Perfectly” alone in the pew with my children. (I had no idea that those peoples little lives were just as “Perfect” as mine was!)

Contrary to what you might think, although I did feel lonely at times, and although there were difficult days, being wired as an introvert, it was not difficult for me to keep going.

This led me to my own private search for the truth about myself.

What I learned here over the course of several years, was that it all began with God;

The One who created me.

The One who loved me.

The One who was watching over me, even when I could not see Him.

That time was used to learn just what the Word of God said; about me, about God, about my past; and about my future!

God provided me with a little gem, a little jewel.

This treasure was a little book, that started me on a new path of thinking.

A beauty of a book called →Thin Places – a memoir by Mary E. DeMuth

She helped me to see and discover the ways that God was with me for my entire life.

He was aware of my “Trauma and drama”, and He wanted to use it for good.

He even wanted to use my “Trouble” to help others through the fogginess of their past.

Her words, mixed with His, flowed over me like warm honey, and soothed my soul.

This book was the first in a line of books that I “Discovered”, that changed the way I viewed myself. (A list follows)

These books caused me to understand how I am wired, and why it was vitally important that I stop longing to be like someone else.

Once I found out HOW I was wired, then I could determine what was really normal for me, and then I could begin to appreciate who I really was.

If you click on any of the links below, you will be taken to a post on my blog, posted especially for that book.

This list is long, and seems impending.

Understand that I began this excavation of my life a long time ago.

Everyone has their own speed, but if you are serious about figuring yourself out, and making the most of your life story – it’s a really good place to begin.

Next time I’ll be talking about the Little girl. 6 weeks – 6 months.

I hope you’ll be able to join me.

Until then …

Friday Favorites – Mr. Rogers

As a early Christmas present, my original Grandson took me to see A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.

What a delightful surprise!

I told him I would likely cry through the whole movie.

He told me that was OK, and every time I did, he reached out and held my hand.

As a young man in his first year of college, I am so proud that he isn’t afraid to let his love be shown in that way.

He tells me that he remembers watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood with me when he was very small.

I can only hope that some of those thoughts and ideas carried into his heart to this day. I believe they did.

He is all at once an excited, ambitious young man, but with a heart as tender as can be.

After seeing the movie, my love for the man, Mr. Fred Rogers, has been rekindled.

I have read more on him, watched more documentaries, and seen him on YouTube maybe more than I ever have.

I’ve had to ask myself the reason why, and the answer I think, has been cooking in my heart for quite some time.

This is turning into a post much different than when it began, but maybe while I continue to process, you can find something helpful for yourself as well.

Several years ago, I noted in myself a critical spirit.

Sometimes it was one that could be noted by anyone within earshot, but mostly, it was simply thinking and speaking the way the world thinks and speaks, perhaps not even perceived by them, since they did it as well.

Always having been the object of scorn growing up, I felt a serious need to fit in.

So any time I could comment – just comment – on someone else, I would do it, and I guess I thought it helped me to fit in.

What I know now, is that it was building up inside of me a critical spirit.

One that would not only harden my heart, take a whole lot of inner work to realize, and change.

Anyway, in literally EVERY piece of media I consumed about Fred Rogers, he was calling our and speaking to the weakest among us.

He was calling out to the social injustice he saw.

But most of all, he was telling all the “Less thans”, that they were “More than” they ever believed.

They were not defective, or broken, or unimportant, but that somewhere in them was a special strength and purpose given to them by their creator.

He so reminds me of my very favorite Bible verses –

Psalms 139:13-16 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that you formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

God knew about my every day, He knew who I was, and who I was to be; and to me, it seemed like maybe Mr. Rogers did too.

How can I not aspire to be more like that; seeing others the way God sees them.

After all – that is why I’m here!

It’s an inside job, difficult, but worth the work.

A softer, less critical spirit is easier for others to live with, and for myself as well.

Until next time – consider your own insides – Do what it takes.

I’ll see you next time around.


   

Movie Poster

Quiet Spaces, or the Lack Thereof – Feeling Snarky

Yes you read it right. I’m feeling pretty snarky. No sense lying about it. So here it is. My snarky side, and by the end of this post, hopefully, some sort of a redress.

How many times do you find yourself in a spot that should be quiet, but the person who is in front of you feels the need to speak. Even when there is not one thing to say? You have no relationship. You do not desire a relationship. You cannot not maybe even remember their name. Uncomfortable. Awkward chit chat.

Being an introvert makes this even more uncomfortable. (More on that later) Trying to figure out answers to questions that are A. None of their business, or B. Answers when you don’t even know the answer yourself.

I have spoken with both my husband and my daughter about this. They are both the extroverts to my introvert. And guess what? They noticed it too!  It bothers them the same way! So it’s not really an introvert/extrovert thing. It must be  human being thing.

So after careful consideration, and much not small talk, here are some of my conclusions. Understand that these conclusions did not come over night, but are the results of many chosen conversations over years with people I wanted to talk to. I’ve even manged a couple of different conclusions while writing this post.

Firstly, As I’ve said previously, I believe people are afraid of what is in their head. (Even after so much work in this area, I’m still afraid sometimes too) Perhaps the soundtrack of their lives continuously tries to convince them of their unworthiness. Perhaps the sounds are so loud that they hear nothing else.

My own journey with quietude began with those voices. I heard them. Constantly. Then I read a scripture that said “My sheep hear my voice and they know me. The voice if another they will not follow”.

So who was that other voice? The one I would not follow? Scripture tells me it is the voice one who hates me, and will do anything to cause my demise.

I then found scripture that said that that one’s demise was certain. That he had already been defeated.

If that is the case, then why on earth am I still listening?

Habit. Just plain habit.

Plus the fact that it is so much easier to go with the flow, and not fight back against the noise.

I had to decide that a quiet thought life, a calmer spirit, and a mind that I could stand being alone with, were well worth the trouble. (While still not retreating to that quiet as a constant way out/excuse!)

I lunched with a friend recently, and admitted my snarky feelings about people, small talk, holidays, noise, all that. (Sometimes it just has to come out in a safe place!)

I’m slowly beginning to remember what I tell literally anyone who will listen; It’s all a choice! We get to choose how we feel, what we say, and how we fix our attitudes. Heck I just blogged about it Right here!

I am also beginning to wonder if I’ve been using my introversion as a convenient get away tactic. I may need to Review My Own Bubble; Yes I think it’s possible.

With a new year coming, no actually, a new decade (!) it could be a most perfect time to review and renew; you know, change things up!

As you can see from This post, this is not a new problem for me. It is ongoing; but I keep plugging away at it.

The idea is to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

My husband and I traveled across the country once, in an ice storm, with a heavy load, at 30 miles an hour. It was tedious, but we kept moving forward, one mile at a time, and eventually made it to our destination.

But I digress, kind of.

Many steps have been taken this year.

I’m using my introversion less, stepping out more, and learning much along the way.

Remembering that this year has been happy, sad, active, emotional, energetic and exhausting.

I need to give myself, and those around me a little more latitude, and a lot less snark.

If you can relate, or want to share a way that you are, or have begun to overcome an issue like this – Please feel free to comment – I will NOT consider it small talk!

Until later…

Well Adjusted?

I’ve been reading, watching and hearing a lot lately about people who LOOK OK, but in reality, they are really undone on the inside.

In the age we live in, if you have a sickness or condition that can be SEEN; say poison ivy, a broken arm, or even the need for glasses or a hearing aid, there is all the sympathy in the world.

If you have a sickness or condition that is hidden from the eyes of others; say depression, chronic fatigue, traumatic brain injury, or some other form of mental issue, people my judge you in a way in which to say “Suck it up!’, or “Just get over it!”.

If you are mostly quiet, there MUST be something wrong.

If you are loud and boisterous, you must be OK.

Neither is correct.

The hidden condition is the one I speak of today.

This post will be brief, and hopefully helpful.

Volumes can and have been written on the topic, but not by me.

This is what is on my heart today.

  • Many of us have become very accustomed to covering our inner turmoil up, by ignoring it or otherwise somehow making ourselves look all kinds of normal to the general public.

“In short bursts, one can create the illusion of virtually anything.”

Mike Rowe on being well adjusted


  • Some do choose to ignore it completely.

They seem to have bought the lie that those things will never be better for them, that healing is just a pipe dream and that it would be better to suffer alone and silently until their days are done.

  • Still others, myself included, seem to be able to keep plodding through the malaise, and eventually come up with an answer.

I call this my “Junk yard dog” philosophy.

Tenacious until I get what I need.

My personal decision was that what God told me in His word was either true, or it was a lie.

God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? Numbers 23:19 (ESV)

I chose to believe that He always tells the truth, and wants what is best for me.

His word never does say that I won’t be sick – the kind of sick people can see, or the kind of sick they cannot see.

No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper Isaiah 54:17a (ASV)

(He did not say that weapons would not be formed, He said they would not prosper.)

What He did say was that He would always be by my side.

… for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5c (ESV)

He never even said that everyone would understand!

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 (ESV)

A friend of mine used these words to describe his journey;

“I just kept playing Bible roulette. (Every day) Little bits and pieces. (Of the Word)     Enough to keep me going until I could breathe again.”

Terry Simester


The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life. Job 33:4 (ESV)

Can you resonate with these ideas?

Are you tired of holding on to the illusion you’ve created?

Have you become exhausted of it yet?

Do you just want to breathe again?

Will you let your “Junk yard dog” take over until you get what you need?

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 (ESV)

I hope you’ll avail yourself of the Bible verses mentioned in this post, and that you find them helpful to you in getting you along farther on your journey.

See you next time.

And remember always; You are

Fearfully and wonderfully made.

Two Fine Questions

For quite a while, from 2008 to about 2012, I studied and studied a manuscript from a conference I had gone to in Washington D.C.

This study was about our true identity. It was written and taught by Graham Cooke .

Graham maintains that our identity is made up of two things; Who we are on earth, and how we are know in heaven.

Our PERSONALITY – made up of who we are on earth;

and our PERSONA – made up of how we are known in heaven.

When you understand who God made you to be, or how you are known in heaven, it changes your perception of your circumstances.

When you understand who God made you to be; you can look at things a different way during awful conditions.

“Why is this happening to me?” and “Why this? Why now? Why me?” are questions we would ask from our personality.

They cause us to be victims.

“What does this mean?”

and

“What shall I do?”

These are questions we would ask from our persona.

They help us to be victorious!

Those have been the two most helpful questions to me in times of trouble.

These questions have changed me from a victim, to a victor!

I get to CHOOSE! I can ask myself these two questions and then take action. 

These questions may seem over simplified, but knowing what the words say, and actually putting them to work in your life are two different issues.

The level of difficulty is often disproportionately boosted.

I worked on installing those thoughts and ideas into my heart and mind for more than four years.

I still have to break out the lesson once in a while for a re-cap.

How in the world can you change the way you think?

I did it by reading scripture over and over about just who God says I am and what He thinks of me.

Here are some important things that God wants us to know. I hope you find them helpful.

  • The most important thing that God says about me (and He says it about you to by the way) is this;

Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV)

13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance:
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

  • We are not mistakes. We are not accidents. No matter what we’ve been told.

 Ephesians 2:10 (ESV)

10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

  •  He made us just how we are, and He gave us purpose.  All different, and gloriously unique!

2 Samuel 22:20 (ESV)

He brought me out into a broad place;
    he rescued me, because He delights in me.

  • He delights in us and wants to rescue us from the chaos of this world!

Deuteronomy 32:10 “He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of the wilderness; he encircled him, he cared for him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.

  • He loves us so much. He rescues us from our wasteland. We are the apple of His eye!

John 3:16-17 (ESV)

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life; For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

  • He loves us ALL the same.

If we are born again in Him, then we can always know and remember that He is there for us; even if we are not in Him, we can know that He wants us to be.

I know I’m going long here, but I’d like to share just one more thing with you today.

The words from this song by Morgan Harper Nichols, states my position on what He thinks of me (and you) very well.

It reminds me of how He cared for me, even when I was unaware of Him.

The Storyteller

On a Sunday evening I’m
looking back over all the years
and where I’ve been
Looking at old photographs
I’m remembering
you were right there
and you have been ever since

With every page that turns
I see your faithfulness

Oh the mountain where I climbed
The valley where I fell
You were there all along
That’s the story I’ll tell
You brought the pieces together
Made me this storyteller
Now I know it is well, it is well
That’s the story I’ll tell

There were some nights that felt like
They would last forever
But you kept me breathing
You were with me right then
And all that you have done for me
I could never hold it in
So here’s to me telling this story
Over and over again

Oh the mountain where I climbed
The valley where I fell
You were there all along
That’s the…

Source: Musixmatch

Please join me again next time for part two.

Stoic or Otherwise?

Recently, I’ve heard several comments concerning stoicism.

I don’t know the entire teaching and belief system of stoicism, but I know that my grand pa was called a stoic by my mom. Her meaning was that he did not ever show his emotions about anything.

Now that is a definition of stoicism, but not the only one.

What are the tenets of stoicism?

According to Wikipedia, there are four.

Logic, Physics, Ethics, Emotions.

The Stoics classified these different forms of virtue under four broad headings, the four cardinal virtues: Wisdom or Prudence: Includes excellent deliberation, good judgment, perspective, good sense. Justice or Fairness: Includes good-heartedness, benevolence, public service, fair dealing. Training. Daily reflection. Philosophy for a Stoic is an active process of constant practice and self-reminder.

The only reference I was aware of when concerning grand pa, (that is the one I’ll discuss here) was that he had his emotions under wraps. (Kind of like a Vulcan – always in control of their emotions)

I’m looking at stoicism like this. A person needs to be in control of their emotions when other things are needed; like say, caring for a family or going to work.

This is not to say that there should be no emotions, but that they can be stored away until the time is appropriate to deal with them.  Stoics do not, NOT feel things. Quite the opposite. They feel them very fully.

A trouble that may arise is that storing them away for a better time, may delay them too long, or one may forget to deal with them. Like the elephant in the room, they end up taking up more and more space, leaving no room for the process of healing to take place.

So what does one do?

What if we actually SCHEDULED a certain time to face off with that elephant, then when the time is up, back to our regular life.

When someone dear to me was going through a divorce, she knew that during the day time hours, she was committed to her schooling, and after that, her kids needed her to be present for them.

She was definitely going through some severe trauma. This woman stored her emotions away daily, until everyone was in bed.

Then she laid in her bed and cried, and processed, sometimes alone, sometimes on the phone with a friend, but always after her daily duties were finished.

She did not deny her feelings, or their validity. She simply knew that left unchecked they would overtake her life, and she would not be able to heal.

Stoicism – control of her emotions. It served her well, and over time, she became whole again.

Since beginning to write this post on emotional stoicism, something happened that upset me, and took my feelings back to a time when my emotions controlled me.

Fortunately over time, with many opportunities to practice, I was able to recognize the issue before it was able to take hold. I was able to rant about it in my journal, and move on.

It became a perfect example of being able to release others, to be just how they are. They will do and say what they always do and say. Will I let their actions spoil my whole day even after they’ve walked away?

Now what happened did hurt. It was valid to have feelings about it.

The ability to not hang on to it and let it fester, is so peace giving.

No need hang on to it and let it cause a deeper wound, that is more difficult to heal.

I used a process talked about earlier with my dear one.

You can hurt. You can be mad.

But truth? You have more to do than wallow in it.

Set a timer. Write a post. Rant. Scream. Yell. Cry. Be done.

You have so much more to do than to mope. Take care of your emotions. Have them. Feel them. Do them. Walk away from them.

I’ve shared more than once on my blogs about David in the Bible. (1 Samuel 30) In his story, he got way more than is feelings hurt. His city was destroyed and his family taken.

In short form; here is the process he followed;

David wept. (He showed emotion)

David found strength in the Lord his God. (He took time to regain his energy)

David inquired of the Lord. (He asked God what to do next)

David pursued his enemy. (He faced the problem – made a choice to not be hampered by it any more)

God restored everything. (David’s life became whole again)

  • Set aside time to care for yourself
  • Find out what step to take next to get on with your life
  • Take care that the same thing won’t happen again
  • Be excited to see your new future

How do you handle your situations and setbacks?

Do you use stoic principals, or do you have a different way?

If you can add to my limited knowledge of the topic of stoicism, feel free to do so in the comments, or via message.

See you next time!