Tag Archive | Drama

5 for 5 Brain Dump x 3

I’ve been gone for a while.

Honestly – Getting back to writing was a bit difficult.

I thought the best way to begin again, would be by doing the 5 for 5 Brain Dump.

Quite simply, it works.

If you don’t know what a Brain Dump is – You can go Here to Find Out.

5 for 5 prompt; I will speak of what is rumbling beneath my skin;

Our small group is studying a book by Louie Giglio called “Goliath Must Fall”.

Today in our small group, we talked about the fact that the world is constantly looking for conflict. It always seems to want to stir things up.

When all our hearts desire, is to have a little piece of peaceful real estate to call our own. A place where we can rest.

What causes the  notion to keep things stirred up? I don’t know, but can it be fear? Fear of what? Maybe fear of what we will find there in that quiet space? Fear that what we find there will be too much? Too much grief? Too much sickness? Too much pain? Too much sorrow? Too much unforgiveness? Too much lack of hope? Any or all of these things we may find in the quiet.

When we find that “Whatever” there, we have to make a choice. We can either bury it back up again or, we can choose to face it. Toe to toe. Face to face. Head to head. That, my loves, is a fearful thing. But I can tell you that in my experience, the more difficult choice, is by far the better choice. This choice, to face the fear, leads to freedom.

If you remember back in the days of cameras with film, then you know that once the film is exposed, it is ruined for further use. It cannot be rewound and used again.

Facing the fear of what is holding on to your soul, and seeing it for what it is, is like that film. It can’t be used against you again. (Unless you let it!)

Fear is like a mouse with a megaphone. It shouts and shouts, but only has the power you give to it.

I know I’m mixing my metaphors here, but I want you to understand.

Re-using the film, is an illusion, and the mouse? Well he holds no power whatsoever. We only need see his real size, and ignore his rants.

I’m so grateful for the time I get to spend in quiet solitude, having a chance to expose the film, and recognize the the size of that mouse, for it has made me truly free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Books That Changed My Life #7

Ultimate Journey Phase 1 (231x223)The Ultimate Journey – Phase 1 (Link)

“The Ultimate Journey” is not a book as in , sitting down and reading a book. I was going to do that, but found in the very first chapter, that this would be a deep dig.

What I thought I would need a teaspoon for, needed a back hoe instead!

A little of the back story;

When I was growing up, some phrases were used with/to/about me consistently. The ones that go with THIS story, were as follows;

  • You should use your head for something besides a hat rack
  • You’ll learn more by listening
  • You’ll learn more by asking questions
  • Why do you ask so many stupid questions
  • To make people LIKE YOU as questions (Like me?)

See the conflict?

Well as a result, I just stopped asking questions. To my young brain, I got the same if I asked or if I didn’t. It was less painful not to ask.

Back story #2;

As an adult, I discovered my love for learning. The curiosity that was stifled as a child, began to come alive after I married and had children.

Questions arose, but no one slammed me for wanting to know.

Google did not exist, but the public library was a glorious place! All of my learning came for free, the only cost was the time it took to learn.

I had mentioned my learning, from reading the previously mentioned books to a friend, one who actually paid big bucks for her education, and she instantly recognized the next step I needed to take.

She loaned me a book from one of her classes. The book I was going to read and give back, turned out taking me three months and over 75 pages in my journal. Hours in my quiet chair with my thoughts. Digging. Digging. Excavating old wounds and hurts that until then, I had no vocabulary for.

Unpacking Self Deception.  The title on the first page will either make you run, or cause you to dig in your heals and get to work. Inventorying your beliefs, behaviors, your wounds. Things you needed growing up, and things you didn’t need. Why are you stuck? Why are you suffering?

I could go on, but I will just tell you that between all the questions, charts, assignments and other items in this work, the healing began to flow along with the understanding and the clarity.

Even with the help of the book, I had to decide over and over again that I indeed wanted to be healed.

It was long and arduous, but was well worth the steps I took. Alone. In my chair. With my God. Sorting, sorting, sorting questions I never knew to ask.

I did not go on to Phase 2 when I was finished with Phase 1. I had a sense of what was needed next, and have been progressing steadily ever since.

In closing, I will tell you the most important statement in this entire post;

For the first time ever in my life, I am…… Totally Free.

Worth it all?

You bet.

 

Books That Changed My Life #6

For any of you who may be familiar with my blog, my Facebook page or my YouTube channel, you know that I place a high value on quiet time. Quiescence. Quietude I call it.Whitespace

There was so much trauma and drama in my previous life. So much feeling guilty and selfish about spending so much time on myself. So much wondering WHY I was the way I was.

In one book. In one space. By one author. Stepping out of her hiding place, and being real, Bonnie helped me to see not only that it was a healthy thing, my self examination, but also that I was really not alone. One voice, can help multitudes.

Bonnie talks about her trauma, and how trauma can be trapped in time, and how “A person, an event, stress, or a change – even a hope or a dream – can unravel that trauma.” This unraveling can take us to places we didn’t remember, places we need to re-visit, and places we never wanted to go again.

It is a tedious journey, but for our health, and to be able to become that voice for others, it is a journey that must be taken.

When we choose to take this journey with Jesus, then we truly do not travel alone.

I used my copy of Bonnie’s book like a manual, like a workbook. Notes all the way through. The questions she asked, for me at least, demanded to be answered. (In my next and final book post, I’ll talk to you more about questions.)

This book helped to make those quiet times in my over-stuffed chair by the window, much more productive. Making freedom from my past more real as the time went by.

 

 

Drama Queen



Have you ever thought of yourself as a “Drama Queen”?

Or has someone else called you that?

I don’t need a show of hands, so come on, tell yourself the truth.

Being a DQ is kind of cute.

When you’re five.


 

After that, it’s not too cute at all.


Have you ever just responded in tears to something, so totally over the top that you embarrassed yourself?


Worse yet, have you realized later that you didn’t even realize you were over the top?


How mortifying is that?


I’ve had seasons in my life where I could cry at stop signs.


During these times, there was great release for my heart.


A time where God did something in my heart, a touch of healing you might say.


I’ve also had seasons though, where tears would not come.


The wells seemed to be dried up.


Unfortunately, these times were more abundant in my life than the stop sign times.


The DQ was nowhere to be found.


The problem is that my heart was dried up too.


After long periods of dryness, I would erupt at the slightest provocation,


or no provocation at all.


The DQ would be back, but she took on a different form,


not so much with tears, as with anger and rage and bitterness.


This recalcitrant little girl stomps her feet and screams.


This little girl will not be denied her place on the stage.


There’s a problem though. This little girl isn’t five.


She is big enough now, that others better not get in her way.


Now, she should be mortified.


I had always seen my tears as a weakness.


God showed me recently that tears were actually a gift.


The hot, angry, mad tears, were actually a cleanser for my ravaged soul.


When those tears are allowed to flow, healing could begin.


No DQ required.


The ugly cry.


Just straight up, truthful, exhausting, healing, cleansing tears.


After that, I learned I was able to cry a quieter cry.


Tears of humility and repentance.


He is our God, and He is big enough to handle them.


In His hands they are truly a treasure.


Here’s the truth that God showed me on a particularly weepy day;


He will not waste our tears. He saves them in a bottle.


Why would He bother saving them, if they were useless?


Psalm 56:8 AMP ~ 8You number and record my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle–are they not in Your book?


Psalm 56:8 TLB ~ 8You have seen me tossing and turning through the night. You have collected all my tears and preserved them in your bottle! You have recorded every one in your book.


Psalm 56:8 GNT ~ 8You know how troubled I am; you have kept a record of my tears. Aren’t they listed in your book?


No matter how you say it. We all have those times, those times when we cannot stop the tears from flowing and those times when tears just won’t come.


Don’t be afraid to cry.


God has a purpose for those tears.


He will one day show us what they were all for.


He does not save worthless things.