Tag Archive | Quiet

Raw and Real #2 – Quiet (PJs)

My new series Raw and Real is just beginning.

My hope is that as you see some of my struggles, you will see yourself somewhere, and find help and strength in these words.

To begin at the beginning, you can click →here.

In #1, you read that I wore shame “like a coat”.

It is important to know the difference between guilt and shame.

Here is the definition given by →Psychology Today.

Guilt: a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

Shame: the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.”

Did you inflict the pain?

Or did someone else’s actions inflict the pain?

Even though I was very young, and naive, just a child, somewhere on the inside, I knew something was not as it should be.

Not having the knowledge or capacity to figure out what these feelings meant;

they were buried deep in the “That’s just the way it is” category.

Somehow, I didn’t even wonder if others had the same things going on in their lives.

It was assumed that they did.

That category grew larger and larger over the years of my life.

Finally after many years of repetition of the same types of “trauma and drama”, I did begin to realize that something was wrong;

not just wrong, but VERY wrong.

I began to realize that the events in my life seemed to follow a cycle.

It was of course, not the same people that were there at the beginning, but the victimization was the same;

the same in that it was victimization, but quite different in size and scope.

Advantages taken mentally and physically were more inclined to take away any ability I may have had to remove myself from the fray.

However another difference was that I was able to see the high likelihood, that not everyone I knew bore the same issues.

After countless relationships with varying amounts of “trauma and drama”, I miraculously was introduced to the man who would become my husband.

We had a small family that although not always completely high functioning, worked well, and we learned how to live together, and to power through our troubles, and lead a pretty normal and well balanced life. 

(Our “kind of crazy” has been alive and well for 43 years!)

In 2001, there was of course what we Americans refer to as 9/11.

There was so much trauma; so much to absorb, so much to process.

And then, as if that were not enough, on 9/17 that my mom was diagnosed with endometrial cancer.

Treatment and care began immediately.

Her time was short, but intense.

She passed away in my living room, with her family all present, just days before Thanksgiving.

The reason this is important to the story of this post has to do with the idea of process.

While I was caring for her, I felt strong.

I felt like I could do what needed to be done.

Even after her passing, I still felt strong.

I still felt like I could do what needed to be done.

I was not looking ahead to, or even aware of, what was about to hit me.

I refer to what comes next as the →Cave Days.

There had been no time to process 9/11, much less 9/17.

I was not prepared for the loss of energy, the loss of strength, the loss of enjoying anything I had enjoyed before.

Between the mental pain, the physical pain that was radiating through my body, and the brain fog;

it took several doctors, and several “might be” diagnosis and treatments to find the problem.

During that time, I spent hours, days, weeks, and years at home, in my PJs, not moving or thinking;

barely breathing.   

It took me nearly four years to even LOOK at the items in my house that belonged to my mom.

As it says in the →Cave Days post – caves can be places of burial, or places to rest and regain strength.

It was a choice that had to be made.  

But how?

I hope you’ll come back on Friday for Friday Favorites.

Then again on Monday, so we can explore “But how?” question together.

Until then …

Idyllic Venue – Serene Setting

As with many weekend trips, something always tends to happen; sometimes large, sometimes small, and for Americans, always considered to be first world problems.

Imagine, if you will, a weekend trip that turns out unexpectedly delightful.

  • The drive; perfect.
  • The event; perfect.
  • The weather; perfect.
  • The venue; perfect.
  • The sense of belonging; perfect and heartfelt.

It sounds almost too good to be true, right?

But it was true for us.

We have some dear friends that moved away from here several years ago.

We have managed to keep in touch.

When they left, they had six children; now there are twelve.

The event was the wedding of the second oldest son.

This is the third wedding we’ve been to for our friend’s family.

We look forward to at least nine more weddings, and all the subsequent babies that come along with the territory.

In this post, I will not share photos of the family, (well maybe one) but I want to share some of the venue.

You have to understand, we live in the country.

We know what “quiet” is.

This place was not only quiet, but carried with it a serenity that most people search a life time for.

Just a few photos for the blog, and then I prepared a short video to share the venue.

I hope the sense of peace and serenity will prevail as you watch and listen.

The wedding garden.
Oh. There they are.
No. Here they are for real!

Be well.

Time to Dream

I was reading an article about the proven benefits of daydreaming.

It shares this fun little chart;

The Scientifically Proven Benefits of Daydreaming
https://www.bachelorsdegreeonline.com/blog/2012/the-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-daydreaming/

Like many, I was often in trouble with teachers in my youth, for wasting my time being a day dreamer.

  • From promoting creativity
  • To problem solving
  • To increasing your IQ
  • To lowering the blood pressure

Turns out day dreaming can be quite a good way to spend your time!

If you have visited this blog in the past, you will find that am quite fond of cloud watching.

It is my favorite way to “Day dream” if you will.

There are many ways to “use” that day dream time; or “Quietude” as I like to call it.

The article mentions ““good daydreaming,” as in, when the mind is exploring imagination or creativity. “Bad daydreaming,” like focusing on a negative comment”.

One is helpful, the other not.

I enjoy reading a bit of scripture, (good daydreaming) and then using that time to consider what I’ve read.

Example;

TLB (The Living Bible) In this act we see what real love is: it is not our love for God but his love for us when he sent his Son to satisfy God’s anger against our sins.

  • What does it say?
  • What does it mean?
    • How much does God love me?
    • How does this make me feel?
  • There may be more questions.
  • Or there may simply be a space of calm and quiet.

Sometimes absolute silence is in order.

Other times call for a little quiet music.

Music without words could be less distracting.

Sometimes staring out the window.

Sometimes a little video will help the process.

Join me if you will, for just a moment of quiet reflection,

a little daydreaming session.

The world we live in will not give us a quiet place to be.
Sometimes we must find that place for ourselves.
A place to rest our soul, our body and our spirit.

I hope you were able to enjoy a few minutes of “Quietude” with me.

Hope to see you again the next time around.

Take a Breath

 

In lieu of many things on my mind as of late, I thought I’d re-run a post that I originally ran in September of 2011.

 

Psalm 139: 13-16   For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

These are the most important words.

I want you to hear them.

God created you.

You were His choice.

If you hear anything different than this,

It is a lie.

Straight from the enemy of your soul.

Designed solely to keep you away from your loving Father in Heaven.

Run from that lie,

And into His arms of truth.

Have a rest there.

Take a breath.

 

I’m working on Friday’s topic.    Until then, I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Whatever is on your mind.  A question?  An answer?  A bit of your story?

Or perhaps a topic you’d like to see discussed here.

Above all,  take a breath,

and I’ll see you back here on Friday.