Raw and Real #3 – Lament

As a noun, lament is described as a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.

As a verb, it is to express regret, or disappointment over something considered unsatisfactory, unreasonable, or unfair.

Looking back on my life, I see many choices that a child would have no control over. 

Where I lived, who my neighbors were, where I went to school, where my parents worked, and how much time we had together.

These things are true for absolutely everyone.

They are neither fair, nor unfair; they just are.

Then there are the unfair things.

Actions and deeds thrust on me that should never have been.

Things done by others that set my life on a course that I had no choice in.

These things caused my responses to everything else in my life to be off kilter.

Let’s face it, when you are that young, you still learning how to act properly.

This is the time of life that you are learning about yourself, your world, and how things work.

Your learning style is being developed.

Add in the actions of unprincipled people, and it confuses things even more.

The title of this post is “Lament”.

As a teenager growing into an adult, I knew that my life wasn’t right.

But it was much, much later, after the passing of my mother, that I even COULD lament or mourn.

It was during this time, that I learned that grieving was not only for loved ones or pets who had died, but for DREAMS that had died.

In my case, MY CHILDHOOD had died.

Well, it was really wrenched away from me, but in reality, it was a death.

It was a death of what my life could have been, should have been, and might have been.

It carried with it the exact same effects that plaque those who might suffer from PTSD.

It had caused my behaviors to be well out of the norm for that time.

I am quite certain that if today’s meds had been available, I would have been medicated to oblivion.

Instead, I was placed in the naughty, troubled category.

And except for the abusive episodes, (remember this was a cycle my entire growing up life) was pretty much left alone, or worse, harassed by my school mates.

Those words of theirs cut deep, and although healed now, caused exceedingly great trauma to my heart.

I did however finally, as an adult, learn that grieving is needed and that →lament can be healthy says Psychology Today.

“Lamentation, then, is about release, about letting the painful emotions flow: fear, doubt, bewilderment, anger, shame and guilt, perhaps, as well as sadness. It can be silent, but the release of energy is often accompanied by noises – the sounds of crying, shouting, sobbing, keening, sighing, whimpering – and the fall of tears, even the streaming of mucus. We have come to think of such powerful expressions of grief as ugly, and therefore seek to avoid them; to avoid even seeing them, much less grieving like this ourselves; but this is in ignorance of the resulting serenity of final acceptance when we eventually assimilate our losses and are ready again to engage with life anew and move forward. Without lamentation, without the emotional healing process advancing towards resolution, this cannot happen; in which case, misery can only persist.”

“Lamentation, then, is essential to psychological health, and is often the main pathway to personal growth, to greater equanimity, compassion and wisdom. Although painful, it is altogether natural, and a good thing.”

I share all of this with you to say this –

If you have had cycles of abuse, fear, distrust, or just plain naughty social behavior due to that abuse –

Take some down time to do the inside work.

Determine that which was stolen from you, and grieve its loss.

Mourn it for real.

Lament the unfairness of it all!

Then move on.

The symptoms of your grief may show on the outside through your behaviors.

But the work on your grief is an inside job.

In my next post, I’ll cover finding out who you really are, so that you can proceed through your healing process.

Until then …

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