Tag Archive | Toxic Thoughts

Windows on the World

Sunday Stills; My Way ← In this post I tell how “My photos are not primarily OF windows. They are mostly FROM windows. My home office window, car windows, hotel windows, plane windows.

The windows I want to talk about today, are the windows of our hearts; the windows of our minds; and the windows of our perceptions.

It all started when I happened across a TED Talk – called “The Price of Shame” – by Monica Lewinsky – from March 20, 2015.

She spoke about humiliation, shame, cyber bullying, public shaming, and online harassment.

She quoted Brene’ Brown saying that “Shame cannot survive empathy.”

We have freedom of expression, but also responsibility of that freedom.

Might our harsh words cause the demise of another?

Let’s face it, myself, and many others I am quite sure, heard Monica’s story while it was going on, and thought what a horrible person she must be, as well as the one she was involved with.

Did we consider her with compassion? Did we think of her as young and naive? Did we consider that she may have been being taken advantage of by another? Did we think of her as Someone’s Daughter?

Maybe for a moment, but the mainstream media of the day made it very easy to characterize her as a floozy; or many other names that she goes over in her talk.

Her stand in her talk was that we need to communicate, consume, and click with compassion.

We must take back our own narrative, and help others currently in that position.

As a child, I was bullied a lot. Every day.

I somehow knew (not in my head and not until much later) on a visceral level, that I was being protected.

I simply cannot imagine how much more infinitely difficult it is during THIS time period.

What with social media and TV media and print media all screaming insults and vitriol all over the place for no reason, and hardly any basis in fact.

So I ask you now to consider your own “Windows on the World”. (Heart, mind, perceptions)

  • Are you communicating your thoughts with compassion?
  • Are you consuming your media with compassion?
  • Are you clicking with compassion? (Clicking usually = dollars)
  • Are you listening to EACH side, or only the one you like?

Along with the link to Monica’s story above, I’ve added a few more links.

Perhaps they can help you to begin your search for your OWN WAY to do things with more compassion.

American SPCC – American Society for the Positive Care of Children

From Bystander to Upstander (Stand up Agaisnt Bullies)

Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Scroll for Help for Specific people Groups

V22Kill – Veteran – First Responder – PTS – Suicide

We do not need to agree on everything; in fact, we can disagree completely with another’s world view, and still listen to them, and treat them with compassion.

If we use compassion, we can have some really good conversation, and who knows: maybe everybody can learn something.

Matthew 9:36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

ADD and Quietude

Can they survive together?

This topic is huge. So huge in fact, in order to understand it totally, one would have to research and study a good long time to begin to see all of the nuances.

Let me be clear; I am no expert. I am no professional.

What I am, is an adult female who was diagnosed in adulthood with adult onset ADD.

“I thought I Was Stupid” is a really good article on the struggle of women with ADD/ADHD.

And growing up, I DID think I was stupid, when the truth was quite the opposite. I would finish my work early, then wander around the room and disturb those who were still working.

I never learned to study, so what happened was that at that very early age, when the neuron pathways were still being connected, without proper focus, I was self teaching my mind to wander.

Those connections were being made, but not exactly correctly.

This is not to say that everyone begins the same way. There are so many different scenarios that could happen. I simply believe that this is how it began with me.

Back in the day, no one was talking about this. The research just wasn’t there. We didn’t give little Johnny, or little Debbie extra work to do.

We did not guide them in the direction of their gifting. We did not “Play to their strength.”

We told them to sit down, sit still, behave, be quiet or write 500 times on the chalk board “I will stay in my seat during class.” Stop being a brat.

Consequently, at least in my case, my brain went everywhere, like monkeys in a tree, or a fart in a skillet. Everywhere except where it was supposed to be.

I would doodle. I would hum. I would whistle. I would tap my feet.

What a stupid thing – to not be able to focus. There must be something terribly wrong with me.

This is turning into a lot of words, but I need you to understand what was going on, not for me, but for yourself!

Some boys my age were diagnosed with ADD, rarely, but girls? Almost never.

“At the end of the day, if you’re just dealing with ADD, that’s great,” Solden said. “But most women—because they weren’t diagnosed as children, because they didn’t have hyperactivity or were smart—grew up absorbing a lot of wounds and shame. These women are often twice exceptional. They have incredible strengths and are really smart and creative, but they have these struggles that nobody understands, including them.” Sari Solden

Read – They had to work twice as hard!

Please read HERE for more on ADD/ADHD.

So began my obsession with Quietude – Quiescence – Quiet.

Like I said, I was diagnosed as an adult.

Here is my back story, at least in part.

Finding the doctor that I found was simply a miracle. All others before her told me I was depressed. Told me I was anxious. Told me I was something. You’ll get over it. Well I’d spent my entire life this way, so I probably was not going to just get over it.

She wanted to do a different kind of test. One for adult onset ADD.

I took a very long test followed by some in depth counseling with her, and the findings were conclusive.

This indeed was my issue; Mild enough to not be dangerous, but strong enough to keep things from settling in my brain. I did correct her about the “adult onset” part. She agreed I was most likely right.

She prescribed a low dose, medication that worked by “improving the way parts of the brain communicate with each other.”

Enter Quiet Time!

Over some time, a year or so, I saw much improvement.

I was able to actually train myself to sit quietly in my chair by the window, and calm my thoughts, and actually follow through on finding what God had in store for my life.

My doctor and I decided that since the medication had showed me how it felt to string two thoughts together, what calm(er) felt like and what it felt like to focus, perhaps I could wean off of the medication.

I did so successfully.

I had made some Quiet time rituals. I follow them to this day;

  • Same time every day
  • “Do Not Disturb” settings on all devices
  • Bible or other devotional type book
  • Quiet music or silence
  • Journal/note pad for catching random thoughts
  • Strict determination to make it work
  • Some days it is just quiet. No music. No book. No paper. Just quiet.

To close, I would like to say that EVERY day may not be successful, but I can tell you that when I began the art of “Quietude” ANY day that there was a space for quiet was a success!

Nowadays, I do have to keep track of things closely.

I still forget sometimes that “Quiet” is what I need.

On those days, like I’ve said here on this blog before – two minutes – six minutes -ten – Whatever I can do to make it work.

Introvert, Extrovert – Does not matter. Every one can benefit from a few minutes of quietness in their day.

I must tell you, YOU can overcome the issues keeping you from a quiet space.

The effort that you pour into this endevour will pay you back a thousand times over.

Because of this prolonged practice, I believe that moments that SHOULD stress me out, don’t. I believe it’s because of accumulated Quiet time.

Thanks for reading.

See you next time!

Toxic Thoughts

Toxic Thinking Although I did not buy the product, I DID buy the idea, and so went on a journey of my own to detoxify my mind.

“75% to 95% of the illnesses that plague us today are a direct result of our thought life.”

Dr. Caroline Leaf

Toxic Thoughts

What are Toxic Thoughts, and how do I get rid of them?

“Consciously control your thought life and start to detox your brain!” Medical research increasingly points to the fact that thinking and consciously controlling your thought life is one of the best ways, if not the best way of detoxing your brain. It allows you to get rid of those toxic thoughts and emotions that can consume and control your mind.

On Dr. Leaf’s About page, she gives several examples of questions to consider when beginning to get rid of toxic thoughts. Feel free to stop now, and visit the link to see her questions.

Welcome back.

Now that you’ve seen the questions, you may be wondering just exactly how they will be helpful in your search for “Quietude”?

Here’s the thing; When ever these thoughts are present in our minds, our minds become like a playground. Those thoughts are like the littles all running and jumping around! They are raucous and noisy. Some are ill mannered and disrespectful.

At any rate, it is near impossible to contain all of their activity without a plan.

So with the help of one of Dr. Leaf’s questions, we can begin.

Here is a sample of beginning to control at least one of those thought patterns.

The question I chose for this example was #5;

How much is speculation taking out of your day?

Back in the beginning, before I began to transform/renew my mind, I really had no idea just how much time and energy I spent running ideas, thoughts, speculations through there.

Now I’m not dissing the thought part, what I am dissing, is all the time and energy I spent mulling over the things I either A. Didn’t have the answer for or B. That I had no control over.

When I learned to recognize those thoughts, and then refused to give them time, it actually freed up a lot of space in my head. (And energy in my body!)

It did not happen overnight, but over time, with practice, and I might add, the Word of God, my mind (at least in the area of worrying) became a little more quiet.

I did find that reading a Proverb from the Bible every single day, helped me to isolate some of those random thoughts and concerns. (Thirty one days in a month, thirty one Proverbs – neat how that works!)

Proverbs 19:21 (ESV) Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

Now choose another question.

Note; Working on too many of these questions at the same time may not be helpful, but one or two I found to be very doable.

After a bit, you will no doubt come up with questions of your own to consider. Everyone is different.

At first it may seem counterproductive to add more questions to your already noisy mind.

However, it has been my experience, that once the answers are reached, then the mind actually will begin to quiet itself down, because it is no longer trying to figure out a hundred things a minute!

Little by little, toxic thinking shrinks and shrinks, and thinking that produces and brings life takes its place.

Join me next time as we take a brief look at the effect that ADD/ADHD and the like have on building up our quiet time.