Tag Archive | Toxic Thoughts

Well Adjusted?

Aug21

I’ve been reading, watching and hearing a lot lately about people who LOOK OK, but in reality, they are really undone on the inside.

In the age we live in, if you have a sickness or condition that can be SEEN; say poison ivy, a broken arm, or even the need for glasses or a hearing aid, there is all the sympathy in the world.

If you have a sickness or condition that is hidden from the eyes of others; say depression, chronic fatigue, traumatic brain injury, or some other form of mental issue, people my judge you in a way in which to say “Suck it up!’, or “Just get over it!”.

If you are mostly quiet, there MUST be something wrong.

If you are loud and boisterous, you must be OK.

Neither is correct.

The hidden condition is the one I speak of today.

This post will be brief, and hopefully helpful.

Volumes can and have been written on the topic, but not by me.

This is what is on my heart today.

  • Many of us have become very accustomed to covering our inner turmoil up, by ignoring it or otherwise somehow making ourselves look all kinds of normal to the general public.

“In short bursts, one can create the illusion of virtually anything.”

Mike Rowe on being well adjusted


  • Some do choose to ignore it completely.

They seem to have bought the lie that those things will never be better for them, that healing is just a pipe dream and that it would be better to suffer alone and silently until their days are done.

  • Still others, myself included, seem to be able to keep plodding through the malaise, and eventually come up with an answer.

I call this my “Junk yard dog” philosophy.

Tenacious until I get what I need.

My personal decision was that what God told me in His word was either true, or it was a lie.

God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? Numbers 23:19 (ESV)

I chose to believe that He always tells the truth, and wants what is best for me.

His word never does say that I won’t be sick – the kind of sick people can see, or the kind of sick they cannot see.

No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper Isaiah 54:17a (ASV)

(He did not say that weapons would not be formed, He said they would not prosper.)

What He did say was that He would always be by my side.

… for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5c (ESV)

He never even said that everyone would understand!

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 (ESV)

A friend of mine used these words to describe his journey;

“I just kept playing Bible roulette. (Every day) Little bits and pieces. (Of the Word)     Enough to keep me going until I could breathe again.”

Terry Simester


The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life. Job 33:4 (ESV)

Can you resonate with these ideas?

Are you tired of holding on to the illusion you’ve created?

Have you become exhausted of it yet?

Do you just want to breathe again?

Will you let your “Junk yard dog” take over until you get what you need?

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 (ESV)

I hope you’ll avail yourself of the Bible verses mentioned in this post, and that you find them helpful to you in getting you along farther on your journey.

See you next time.

And remember always; You are

Fearfully and wonderfully made.

Windows on the World

Aug9

Sunday Stills; My Way ← In this post I tell how “My photos are not primarily OF windows. They are mostly FROM windows. My home office window, car windows, hotel windows, plane windows.

The windows I want to talk about today, are the windows of our hearts; the windows of our minds; and the windows of our perceptions.

It all started when I happened across a TED Talk – called “The Price of Shame” – by Monica Lewinsky – from March 20, 2015.

She spoke about humiliation, shame, cyber bullying, public shaming, and online harassment.

She quoted Brene’ Brown saying that “Shame cannot survive empathy.”

We have freedom of expression, but also responsibility of that freedom.

Might our harsh words cause the demise of another?

Let’s face it, myself, and many others I am quite sure, heard Monica’s story while it was going on, and thought what a horrible person she must be, as well as the one she was involved with.

Did we consider her with compassion? Did we think of her as young and naive? Did we consider that she may have been being taken advantage of by another? Did we think of her as Someone’s Daughter?

Maybe for a moment, but the mainstream media of the day made it very easy to characterize her as a floozy; or many other names that she goes over in her talk.

Her stand in her talk was that we need to communicate, consume, and click with compassion.

We must take back our own narrative, and help others currently in that position.

As a child, I was bullied a lot. Every day.

I somehow knew (not in my head and not until much later) on a visceral level, that I was being protected.

I simply cannot imagine how much more infinitely difficult it is during THIS time period.

What with social media and TV media and print media all screaming insults and vitriol all over the place for no reason, and hardly any basis in fact.

So I ask you now to consider your own “Windows on the World”. (Heart, mind, perceptions)

  • Are you communicating your thoughts with compassion?
  • Are you consuming your media with compassion?
  • Are you clicking with compassion? (Clicking usually = dollars)
  • Are you listening to EACH side, or only the one you like?

Along with the link to Monica’s story above, I’ve added a few more links.

Perhaps they can help you to begin your search for your OWN WAY to do things with more compassion.

American SPCC – American Society for the Positive Care of Children

From Bystander to Upstander (Stand up Agaisnt Bullies)

Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Scroll for Help for Specific people Groups

V22Kill – Veteran – First Responder – PTS – Suicide

We do not need to agree on everything; in fact, we can disagree completely with another’s world view, and still listen to them, and treat them with compassion.

If we use compassion, we can have some really good conversation, and who knows: maybe everybody can learn something.

Matthew 9:36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

ADD and Quietude

Jun24

Can they survive together?

This topic is huge. So huge in fact, in order to understand it totally, one would have to research and study a good long time to begin to see all of the nuances.

Let me be clear; I am no expert. I am no professional.

What I am, is an adult female who was diagnosed in adulthood with adult onset ADD.

“I thought I Was Stupid” is a really good article on the struggle of women with ADD/ADHD.

And growing up, I DID think I was stupid, when the truth was quite the opposite. I would finish my work early, then wander around the room and disturb those who were still working.

I never learned to study, so what happened was that at that very early age, when the neuron pathways were still being connected, without proper focus, I was self teaching my mind to wander.

Those connections were being made, but not exactly correctly.

This is not to say that everyone begins the same way. There are so many different scenarios that could happen. I simply believe that this is how it began with me.

Back in the day, no one was talking about this. The research just wasn’t there. We didn’t give little Johnny, or little Debbie extra work to do.

We did not guide them in the direction of their gifting. We did not “Play to their strength.”

We told them to sit down, sit still, behave, be quiet or write 500 times on the chalk board “I will stay in my seat during class.” Stop being a brat.

Consequently, at least in my case, my brain went everywhere, like monkeys in a tree, or a fart in a skillet. Everywhere except where it was supposed to be.

I would doodle. I would hum. I would whistle. I would tap my feet.

What a stupid thing – to not be able to focus. There must be something terribly wrong with me.

This is turning into a lot of words, but I need you to understand what was going on, not for me, but for yourself!

Some boys my age were diagnosed with ADD, rarely, but girls? Almost never.

“At the end of the day, if you’re just dealing with ADD, that’s great,” Solden said. “But most women—because they weren’t diagnosed as children, because they didn’t have hyperactivity or were smart—grew up absorbing a lot of wounds and shame. These women are often twice exceptional. They have incredible strengths and are really smart and creative, but they have these struggles that nobody understands, including them.” Sari Solden

Read – They had to work twice as hard!

Please read HERE for more on ADD/ADHD.

So began my obsession with Quietude – Quiescence – Quiet.

Like I said, I was diagnosed as an adult.

Here is my back story, at least in part.

Finding the doctor that I found was simply a miracle. All others before her told me I was depressed. Told me I was anxious. Told me I was something. You’ll get over it. Well I’d spent my entire life this way, so I probably was not going to just get over it.

She wanted to do a different kind of test. One for adult onset ADD.

I took a very long test followed by some in depth counseling with her, and the findings were conclusive.

This indeed was my issue; Mild enough to not be dangerous, but strong enough to keep things from settling in my brain. I did correct her about the “adult onset” part. She agreed I was most likely right.

She prescribed a low dose, medication that worked by “improving the way parts of the brain communicate with each other.”

Enter Quiet Time!

Over some time, a year or so, I saw much improvement.

I was able to actually train myself to sit quietly in my chair by the window, and calm my thoughts, and actually follow through on finding what God had in store for my life.

My doctor and I decided that since the medication had showed me how it felt to string two thoughts together, what calm(er) felt like and what it felt like to focus, perhaps I could wean off of the medication.

I did so successfully.

I had made some Quiet time rituals. I follow them to this day;

  • Same time every day
  • “Do Not Disturb” settings on all devices
  • Bible or other devotional type book
  • Quiet music or silence
  • Journal/note pad for catching random thoughts
  • Strict determination to make it work
  • Some days it is just quiet. No music. No book. No paper. Just quiet.

To close, I would like to say that EVERY day may not be successful, but I can tell you that when I began the art of “Quietude” ANY day that there was a space for quiet was a success!

Nowadays, I do have to keep track of things closely.

I still forget sometimes that “Quiet” is what I need.

On those days, like I’ve said here on this blog before – two minutes – six minutes -ten – Whatever I can do to make it work.

Introvert, Extrovert – Does not matter. Every one can benefit from a few minutes of quietness in their day.

I must tell you, YOU can overcome the issues keeping you from a quiet space.

The effort that you pour into this endevour will pay you back a thousand times over.

Because of this prolonged practice, I believe that moments that SHOULD stress me out, don’t. I believe it’s because of accumulated Quiet time.

Thanks for reading.

See you next time!