Raw and Real #6 – Identity

Feb12

Have you ever wondered who you are?

I mean really wondered.

Like, who could I possibly be?

I know I have considered the question over and over my entire lifetime.

I know that I had many aspirations; a teacher, a writer, a ballerina, a jockey, a barrel racer, a truck driver, a mom.

The list goes on, but I don’t recall ever being encouraged to be anything but a →“Good girl”.

When people are asked, “Who are you?” they will frequently answer with what they do.

Like the list above, it can vary from day to day.

But there came a time in my life when I found out that the answer to the question was very different.

I had been looking at it from through the wrong lenses.

The Holy Bible says in Galatians 4:6 (ESV) Because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” (Abba = Daddy)

And Psalm 100:3 (ESV) says; Know that the Lord, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.

Then, there is my life verse, a life verse of many;

 Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV) 13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

*We are His

*We are His sons

*We are created by Him

*We are fearfully and wonderfully made

*We are known by Him

This all sounds very different than the traditional answer we come up with.

Beginning to think of who we are in this manner takes some doing.

When I first began to change my answer, over and over, I had to remind myself that I was “a Kings kid”.

This thinking did not come readily, due to my personal history.

I had to learn that it wasn’t something I did, it was something I was.

It didn’t have anything to do with my job title, or even the events that occurred in my life.

It wasn’t connected to the guilt or the shame that tried to remain prevalent in my mind.

What it was, and still is, and forever will be,

is my relationship to God my Father.

Deuteronomy 31:8B He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Psalm 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

A quote from a friend of mine reminds me that “We are human beings, not human doings.”

Her quote, makes me want to BE with God.

Just Be.

It’s not what we do, or what has been done to us.

It’s about what we think of God.

This makes all the difference.

“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.“

A. W. Tozer

I hope you’ll join me next time when we talk about; Process.

Until then …

Raw and Real #5 – Little Girl

Feb10

Little Girl – 6 months – 6 weeks

I often refer to this part of my life as an “Excavation”.

I had no idea that the endeavor I was beginning would take as long as it did; or dig as deep.

I had worked on my “issues” for a long time.

I’d remembered, and forgiven, and moved on.

I was unaware that there was a lot of residual ickyness left over.

(In the form of grief, and fear, sadness, and more)

Then, while chatting with a friend, who had taken some courses in psychology and such, recommended one of her study books to me;

The Ultimate Journey – Phase 1 (book and workbook) I did not need to buy them because I could borrow hers. 

 My intent was to borrow the book, read it, and have it back to her in a couple of weeks.

The excavation that I thought would be with a teaspoon, and take a month, ended up being undertaken with a massive “digger-thing”,

(My husband tells me it’s a back hoe)

and would stretch out over almost a six month period.

The work involved answering many, many questions on different things from each “era” of life;

Pre-born, pre-school, grade school, middle school, high school, early adult.

I cannot possibly tell you every step.

What I can tell you that once I began, I literally could not stop.

It was a long, arduous, painful journey; but in the end, it brought LIFE.

The two parts, I think, that brought me farthest out of darkness into the light were these;

*The first thing was to go through a prepared list of beliefs that you hold about yourself.

If you agreed with any of them, you would check them off.

This was followed by a prepared list of ways that those beliefs might cause you to behave,

again checking them off along the way if they applied to you.

Can I tell you that they were questions that I NEVER would have dreamed up on my own, and I think that’s why they were so helpful.

I saw things in my life that I didn’t realize were even there.

I recognized behaviors, I never knew I had, but once recognized, they all made sense.

It took a significant amount of time to work through

Each. One.

Significant quiet time, with many tears.

Often with the ugly cry thrown in for good measure.

*The second thing was perhaps the most difficult for me.

It felt strange to do it, but after I did, there was so much release in my spirit that I felt like a different person.

If I did not believe this scripture;

Ephesians 4:23 (ESV) And to be renewed in the spirit of your minds;

I would have gone no further.

Because I do not believe God tells us to do things that though Him are not possible.

Here is what was next;

The study guided me to go back.

Go back to the little girl that I used to be, beginning BEFORE birth.

I know, I know.

But if I had not done it myself, I might not have believed it either.

Stay with me here.

I just re-read my work, the sadness was overwhelming.

(I kept the questions and answers in a journal because I would have to return the books eventually)

I was instructed to write a letter from her, to me; then answer her back.

Each “era” had the same exercise.

Through these letters, I was able to “take her hand”, and walk with her out of the darkness of all the misunderstandings that kept her trapped for all those years.

Scripture tells me in John 8:36 (ESV) If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed, and in John 8:32 (ESV) you will know the truth, and the truth will set you that free.”

In my mind and in my heart, I told her the truth, and she is free.

Truly, the hurts that used to take six years to get over,

changed from that to six months, then to six days.

Now today, if I hold a hurt more than six hours it’s too long.

Depending on the hurt, I’ve been known to get over it in less than six minutes.

It is not always easy, but it is always intentional.

There is no way that I could cover this topic in full, but I wanted you to realize the possibilities of being truly free of the things holding you in your past.

For me it was two things that keep me moving forward,

my belief in God’s word,

and the tenacity and intentionality that is kept in this introverted heart of mine.

I hope you’ll join me here next time, while we look at

Identity. Until then …

Friday Favorites – The Invitation

Feb7

Re-blogged from October 15, 2012

Even though the room has changed a lot since 2012,

the invitation is still the same.

This very post reminds me of my need to seek Him daily.

*

I’ve been given an invitation.

It’s a special invitation.

It’s an invitation that fills my heart with joy.

It is an invitation to a secret place.

No.

 It is an invitation to a sacred place.

This invitation is from a dear friend.

She has invited me to join her in her secret place.

She has invited me to her sacred place.

The place where she meets with ……………..

God.

Alone.

The place where she encounters God.

What an honor and a blessing.

Her invitation is a reminder to me.

A reminder that my Dear Savior longs for me to come to that secret place with Him.

Reminds me that He is waiting in that sacred place.

Reminds me that He wants to have an encounter with me,

as much as I need an encounter with Him.

You Dear Reader,

If you don’t not have such a place,

A secret, sacred place of encounter with God,

I strongly urge you to get one.

Find one.

Make one.

Make a place where you can rest with your Savior.

A place where you can abide with Him.

A place where you can go daily.

Be it early before your day begins,

or late and at the end of your day.

It may even be when your children are napping.

No matter.

Just do it.

When you encounter Father God there,

even your problems will seem to have an air of grace in them.

Remember the line in “Field of Dreams”?

“If you build it, they will come.”

Well if you make this place for Him,

He will come.

My own secret place is not fancy.

This chair belonged to my Mother.

It is older than I.

It sits next to the window in my office.

It only has three legs with an empty can from some dark chocolate

rolled wafer sticks serving as its fourth .

When I place myself in that seat,

even for a few moments.

He comes.

We encounter each other,

and joy fills my heart.

If you make  it,

He will come.

I promise.

—————

Fearfully and wonderfully made

*