Tag Archive | Process

Raw and Real #11 – Relate

Mar2

After much time working out the “Soundtrack of My Life”, I began to HEAR people in a different way.

Before, I had heard their stories; but to be truthful, said “So what?”

I mean I was sorry, but I had my own issues to deal with right?

Somewhere well into my process though, I found that our stories crossed in many ways.

I was not the only one.

I began to RELATE the stories I was hearing, to the stories I had lived, and from there, I was able to RELATE to the person telling the stories.

It may not sound like much, but as I listened, I found I could help somehow.

Sometimes, it was just by showing up.

Sometimes it was a knowing look.  

Sometimes I could not stop the tears from leaking from my eyes.

Other times it was a gentle touch on the hand.

Sometimes it was a hug.

Whichever one it was, we were RELATEing.

“Hugs” by Isabel Bloom

Do you know how much healing there can be by just knowing you are not alone?

Of course you do.

But do you KNOW you’re not alone?

Have you found the one that you can RELATE to?

Our world seems to think that everyone has to like us, understand us, agree with us; this is so not true.

You know what?

I learned that I can RELATE with anyone, even if we come from different worlds.

Why?

Because we all feel pain sometimes, and we all just need one person to notice us.

When I was young, and going through “un-talk-about-ables”, my only wish was to be invisible, so that maybe those things would stop happening.

But maybe being visible to even one person, the right one person, much of my pain could have been avoided.

To that, I can RELATE.

It became my goal to somehow become that person.

One who can honestly say, “I see you”, and “You matter”.

Now, I am a dyed in the wool INFJ. →INFJ here.←

An introvert.

I’m not shy, but I prefer my times of peace and quietude.

Here is what makes me unique; I am NOT a fair weather friend.

(a person who stops being a friend in times of difficulty.)

In fact, I am quite the opposite.

I claimed the term “Rainy day friend” for myself.

(Rainy day friends are the ones who listen to us when life is difficult, and remain faithful in friendship and relationship when the rest of the world turns their back to us.)

(Hmm. I thought I made that up until I Googled it)

At any rate, I will come out of my quietness when summoned to help with a problem.

I am tenacious.

I do not give up or give in.

That being said, when the answer is found, when you have been heard, when our RELATEing has brought an answer to your anxiety, some sanity to your chaos, some relief to your pain, I’ll be on my way back to my own stuff.

I am so blessed to have gotten this gift from all that I’ve experienced.

We all need someone with which we can RELATE.

Not a hundred some ones, not fifty some ones, maybe not even a handful of some ones, maybe just one.

Remember this; Jesus was followed by masses of people.

He personally taught twelve, hung out privately with three, but really only RELATEd fully with His Father in Heaven.

My personal belief is that the last is the most important, but truth be told, the three is probably the one we should hope for here on earth.

(Unless your one is God!)

So do this please;

Redo your soundtrack.

After you do, or even while you’re doing it, find someone to RELATE your learnings to.

It will be a great help to you both.

Don’t be invisible – the world needs you now!

Next time join me for  Raw and Real #12 – Freedom.

Until then …

Raw and Real #9 – Write

Feb24

Looking back on the life I’ve lived has been a rich undertaking of good and bad, positives and negatives, highs and lows.

It has reminded me of joy and pain, happiness and sorrow, extreme faith right next to intense fear.

Being a hard core INFJ, I can’t always verbalize things right on the spot.

When I feel, or hear or read something, I must follow that with some quiet time for reflection.

Read more about being an →INFJ here.←

There are a few ways that I can process my feelings and ideas.

First off is to sit quietly, daydreaming if you will.

This method can sometimes give my ideas time to come around on their own time.

So if you see me looking like I’m somewhere else, know that I could be processing something I read or heard.

Of course it’s also entirely possible that I am really somewhere else!

Another popular way for me to get things processed is to get with “my people”.

I have many friends, but a handful of “people”.

Talking deep, saying what needs to be said, asking questions; these are all things to do with “your people”.

Long ago my mom told me that most often, when I kept talking, I answered my own questions.

Now she – she was “My People”.

I paid attention after she said that and found it to be true.

The last way I’ll share with you here is writing.

Writing in a journal, or on a computer are my favorites.

Some say handwriting is their go to, but I find that either works for me.

Suffice it to say that with my admiration for lovely penmanship, and my lack of it, I often use my laptop instead.

It’s always a cinch that I’ll be able to read it at a later date.

That being said, I have over 40 journals.

40 journals of this and that.

40 journals that would qualify in the junk category.

But strewn throughout those 40 journals, some true treasure is hidden.

The treasures can be identified by the highlighting, the underlining, the circling, the arrows, the different colors of ink.

I actually began doing a Table of Contents for my handwritten journals, but alas, too late for some of my earlier ones.

(So if you decide to do a handwritten journal, my suggestion would be to do the Table of Contents thing at the beginning!)

On my laptop, I have an ongoing document that holds many of my thoughts.

This allows me to read them over, and move them all around until they make sense.

I used to forget more than I remembered.

Sometimes that processing of thoughts comes at the most inopportune time.

Mostly it is when you are doing something else; when you didn’t see it coming.

Enter napkin notes, post it notes, grocery list notes, written on the palm of your hand notes. (the original palm pilot?)

They all pulled together at the end of the day to write down somewhere permanent.

Nowadays, it isn’t uncommon to see me in the checkout line, tapping notes to myself in my phone for future reference.

Back before cell phones, I had a boss who would call her home phone, and leave herself messages she didn’t want to forget.

I always thought she was strange, but oh!

Now I see she was brilliant, and she got things done!

As mentioned →Here← and →Here← the process takes on different forms.

For me, writing is the most important way that all of those thoughts are managed.

During the life of this blog, thought life has been discussed over and over.

If you’re interested in more of my perspective on this, you can just put “Thought Life” in the search bar.

(Another reason I enjoy the laptop writing.)

Sometimes, during the process, the words get long winded, and that’s OK, because these words you write down are not for everyone.

I encourage you to give it a try.

This note taking, this writing it all down.

Once you have been able to connect the dots, you can decide on what, if anything, you want to share with the world.

(Like this blog)

Join me next time for Raw and Real #10 for – Travel.

Until then …

Raw and Real #8 – Too Much Process

Feb19

Last time we talked about excavation.

Excavation and processing whatever we happen to find in our past.

I shared with you how in my excavation, I found much heart ache, most of it inflicted by others, but a goodly part of it, inflicted by my very own thoughts and behaviors.

I believe that the way I was wired, the fact that I didn’t mind being alone, probably saved me from even bigger problems.

I fully believe that God was there for me, hating what was happening, but allowing it for a reason, and protecting my heart of hearts.

That reason was to be of help to someone else at a later time.

It may even be you.

I was not without pain, in fact the internal pain was immense, but I always had a sense of “something”, God? being nearby, even though I was not yet aware of His name.

As an adult, I so appreciate that protection, and the fact that I have been able to “be renewed in the spirit of my mind” (Ephesians 4:23), it is a different kind of peace.

Peace without the weight of the past.

 As my mind was being renewed, I learned to be at deep peace while I was alone.

 In John 14:27 it says “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

So now, here we get to the “Over processing” part.

I began not just enjoying my alone time, but now I had the ability to indulge myself in it.

I enjoyed it so much that I began to demand it in every part of my life.

I chose always to stay home.

I chose not to be around others, unless I absolutely had to, because you know, people are messy.

I had reached a point in the process where I was;

Just. So. Content.

This was fine for a time.

A good long time actually.

But there is a →down side to quiet.←(Read more here)

 I then began to feel a heaviness, the very thing I had worked so hard to get rid of!

So I ended up praying and asking God how to fix it.

He reminded me of something that Brene’ Brown said “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”

What I learned here was the fact that just because I worked on my emotions, and had them under control, does not mean I never have to do it again.

It is very important to feel the bad as well as the good.

So did I have to do some more “inside work” to do?

Another thing I remembered hearing was that; even good things can become destructive when carried to the extreme.

These ideas being brought back to my memory, made me realize that in all of my quiet “processing”, I was making myself deaf to all of the other voices that I could be learning from.

I was hearing “God’s voice”, but many times God’s voice sounds just like mine.

So I had to be really sure I knew what He’s was thinking!

If I am getting input from like minded individuals, or even from those I disagree with, I can have the ability to think and compare.

Critical thinking gets dulled when you’re always alone.

Big changes were on the horizon.

It was slow and steady, but I began to allow some people around me back into my life.

Did I mention it was SLOW?

Very slow, and very thoughtful.

I began allowing people back into my circle.

They did not even necessarily agree with my world view, but they did have open minds, and listening ears, and I might add, positive attitudes, with a willingness to learn.

We have taught each other so much.

I said all that, to say this;

Process well.

Process as long as you need to, but be aware when it is time to venture back out again.

You can always come back to your →cave to rest.← (read more here )

The Garden Tomb

Join me next time for Raw and Real #9 -Write. 

Until then….