Last time we talked about excavation.
Excavation and processing whatever we happen to find in our past.
I shared with you how in my excavation, I found much heart ache, most of it inflicted by others, but a goodly part of it, inflicted by my very own thoughts and behaviors.
I believe that the way I was wired, the fact that I didn’t mind being alone, probably saved me from even bigger problems.
I fully believe that God was there for me, hating what was happening, but allowing it for a reason, and protecting my heart of hearts.
That reason was to be of help to someone else at a later time.
It may even be you.
I was not without pain, in fact the internal pain was immense, but I always had a sense of “something”, God? being nearby, even though I was not yet aware of His name.
As an adult, I so appreciate that protection, and the fact that I have been able to “be renewed in the spirit of my mind” (Ephesians 4:23), it is a different kind of peace.
Peace without the weight of the past.
As my mind was being renewed, I learned to be at deep peace while I was alone.
In John 14:27 it says “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
So now, here we get to the “Over processing” part.
I began not just enjoying my alone time, but now I had the ability to indulge myself in it.
I enjoyed it so much that I began to demand it in every part of my life.
I chose always to stay home.
I chose not to be around others, unless I absolutely had to, because you know, people are messy.
I had reached a point in the process where I was;
Just. So. Content.
This was fine for a time.
A good long time actually.
But there is a →down side to quiet.←(Read more here)
I then began to feel a heaviness, the very thing I had worked so hard to get rid of!
So I ended up praying and asking God how to fix it.
He reminded me of something that Brene’ Brown said “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
What I learned here was the fact that just because I worked on my emotions, and had them under control, does not mean I never have to do it again.
It is very important to feel the bad as well as the good.
So did I have to do some more “inside work” to do?
Another thing I remembered hearing was that; even good things can become destructive when carried to the extreme.
These ideas being brought back to my memory, made me realize that in all of my quiet “processing”, I was making myself deaf to all of the other voices that I could be learning from.
I was hearing “God’s voice”, but many times God’s voice sounds just like mine.
So I had to be really sure I knew what He’s was thinking!
If I am getting input from like minded individuals, or even from those I disagree with, I can have the ability to think and compare.
Critical thinking gets dulled when you’re always alone.
Big changes were on the horizon.
It was slow and steady, but I began to allow some people around me back into my life.
Did I mention it was SLOW?
Very slow, and very thoughtful.
I began allowing people back into my circle.
They did not even necessarily agree with my world view, but they did have open minds, and listening ears, and I might add, positive attitudes, with a willingness to learn.
We have taught each other so much.
I said all that, to say this;
Process as long as you need to, but be aware when it is time to venture back out again.
You can always come back to your →cave to rest.← (read more here )
Join me next time for Raw and Real #9 -Write.