At the beginning of this year, I was invited to a new meeting, new for me anyway.
The name of the group is “Raw and Real”.
(That should tell you something!)
My husband asked me before I went what it was all about.
I seriously did not know, and I told him so.
“So why did I agree to go?” was his next query; because I 100% trust the friend who invited me.
Turns out, it is a growing group of woman from many different walks of life, just sitting for a couple of hours and sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I was dubious, because I dislike the small talk involved with meeting new people.
I love the DEEP talk – just not always the small talk of getting there.
But did I mention I trust my friend?
This group was all women with a similar world view, even though their life histories were very different.
It was actually quite a joy to hear some of their stories, and heartbreaking to hear some others.
Let me tell you folks, no matter how bad you had it – someone always had it worse.
You can never tell by looking at them, just how difficult their journey has been.
I won’t share their stories, but I can sure tell you what happened in my mind while I was there.
I did not share my story there, but as I listened I was reminded, and considered my own journey.
Sometimes when you have walked thru so much, over such a long period of time –
You know where you’ve walked, but some of the steps get forgotten.
What I’d like to do here, is share the BIG steps that I remembered during this meeting, and then in subsequent posts, share some of the little steps that were involved in becoming the free woman that I am today.
So here is the list I made while listening – many of their steps reminded me of my own!
1. Toxic turmoil
2. Lament
3. Quiet (pjs)
4. Introvert
5. Little girl – 6 weeks – 6 months
6. Identity
7. Process
8. Too much process
9. Write
10. Travel
11. Relate.
12. Freedom
During the process of writing this out, I am positive that even more will be revealed and remembered.
Over the years I have come to “Love the process”.
It always takes me to new places, with further vistas, and hopefully, you can realize some new freedoms too, just by following along.
I know its cliché , going into the year 2020 seeking “New Vision”.
But seriously, at least for me, that’s a pretty important thing.
Some things I’m pretty clear on, while other things are as clear as mud.
I have found that if I divide my life into sections, and deal with reach separately, I can get to a pretty clear conclusion.
Then, by adding all of the conclusions together, I can come up with a plan to make things happen.
Anyway, what are those sections?
1APersonal, which involves spiritual and physical self care.
1BPersonal, which involves writing, photography
2AWork – Corporate, which involves working with local, state, and regional members in a group that I’ve been in for twenty years.
2BWork – Volunteer – as a member for the non-profit that my husband operates.
2CWork– As in home
3. Relationships – both personal and corporate.
1. Personal care, has taken much time in scripture, as well as just being quiet; settling down the recalcitrant child inside.
It has also taken much time with dealing with past traumas and dramas; airing them out, painfully I might add, going through them one by one, and asking God about the truth in each one.
It’s odd how we can see things so differently than they actually were.
The personal work, the “Inside job” has been a real treat for me.
It has suited my introverted parts really well.
Although admittedly, there were times I just wanted to cry.
It has taken a long time to change the filters, but I can see much more clearly now.
The second part of personal care, the physical part, has involved being in an exercise class for the past nine years.
There have been times I had to drag my sorry butt to that class kicking and screaming, but all the while knowing that if I didn’t, I would turn in to a pile of dust.
Writing all the time is a good thing, sitting around without moving, can be deadly.
2. For personal work on an actual work level, as in day to day work; I have spent very few dollars through the years on education after high school.
I’ve been self taught on pretty much everything.
On marriage, on parenting, on keeping a home, on running a business, on spiritual matters (dealing with the trauma and the drama).
Since about 2012 or so, I’m being self taught on writing and photography.
Slow and steady wins the race, and tenacity gets you there eventually.
Honestly, 2B (Work – corporate) can really give me fits, and it has, for as long as I’ve held the position I have.
To be totally truthful, this section has eluded me for the last several years, but every year I face it again.
I found out just this morning that this year I’ll have some help, so moving through this section can begin in earnest.
I have told myself that when others are in the mix, things can’t always be the way you want them.
That is only partly true.
Yes others being involved is a thing, but I’ve come to know that timing is an important factor as well.
What if, perhaps, I thought I had it all together before?
And it wasn’t the right time, and things still didn’t work out, or they worked out poorly, and some of the nuances would get lost in the shuffle.
(Can’t be losing those nuances!)
To be sure, there would be things learned from the experience, but there is also much to be learned through tenacity, and holding on – being a necessary place holder.
2C (Working – volunteering with my husband’s non-profit) is always a work in progress; constantly growing and changing.
3. Relationships are interesting because we need to find out why we respond the way we do to others, and what makes them respond to us the way they do?
When we figure that out, we can find that those relationships may or may not work out, and that’s OK.
We can move on, or we can make different decisions on how we deal with them from that point.
Making the time to get to know one another is essential.
Often I find if I have an adverse response to someone first off, when I take the time to engage with them, I find that we have something for each other.
There are times when this doesn’t happen.
Sometimes what they, or I, carry on the inside of us, just doesn’t mesh, no harm, no foul.
If we didn’t take that time, we would never know which way it might turn out.
So to summarize what’s worked for me;
I begin with a visit each of my sections, thinking them through, analyzing each, and where they are at this time.
Each year begins at a spot further down the road than last year.
Then what it really boils down to scheduling, (then keeping the schedule).
I literally have an Excel sheet divvied up by half hours for each week.
This works for me!
I can give as little or as much as each one needs.
This is not to say that just because it is on the sheet it is carved in stone, (stuff happens) but it is to say that I DO have a certain time allotted to do each thing.
There are days I throw the schedule to the wind, and do something else, but never more than one day in a row.
Doing nothing isn’t on the list, but it should be.
Sometimes taking a nap IS the best use of your time.
But for me, more than one day is how bad habits start.
It’s easier to get OFF the path than back on it again.
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