Tag Archive | Words

Raw & Real #1 – Toxic Turmoil

Toxic Turmoil

In → a post last week I told about a meeting I went to.

My mind kind of went into the way back machine and began to remember where I began, and some of the steps that I had to take to grow out of what I call “The trauma and the drama”.

Way back in the beginning, let’s just say that it could be known as “Toxic turmoil”.

The Encarta Dictionary defines toxic as relating to or containing poison or toxin, causing serious harm or death and turmoil as a state of great confusion, or disturbance.

I remember as a tiny little girl, spending a lot of time alone.

I never thought about it much.

Though I do not remember in detail what those pre-school days involved, I know that it didn’t seem strange, this playing alone.

It is just the way it was; dancing in circles in my room.

I was content.

I remember that dad was always away at work.

He drove a delivery truck for a regional store.

When he came home, sometimes he would bring home trinkets to play with.

Now when it was time for kindergarten, I was so excited.

It was time for adventure, as I got to walk ALL THE WAY to the school.

Mom had taught me many things that the children at school didn’t know yet.

So, it was fun.

I was smart.

And fidgety.

I already knew what was being taught to the other kids.

What I didn’t have in my repertoire, were social skills.

This brought on no small amount of problems in my life away from my home.

The exciting new beginning, turned into exciting new habits.

Habits that followed me throughout my young lifetime.

Habits of wandering, and interrupting, and day dreaming.

Not only in my mind, but physically and verbally as well.

Back in the day, teachers did not teach according to a student’s skill set. 

It was strictly reading, writing, and arithmetic.

All students were expected to stay seated, and stay on task.

Learning styles were not taken into account as they are now.

Kids like me were labeled “Trouble”, regardless if our intent was to be difficult or not.

Attachment of these labels followed all through the educational years.

In →Psychology Today, I read an article that pretty well explains some of the behaviors kids may show.

They aren’t really being naughty, they are simply learning the way they learn.

One may note that even though teaching styles have changed, we still inflict labels on our kids.

Labels that follow them throughout their life.

They help to dictate who they may become.

To be sure, some of these labels are based in truth.

While others are given and never followed up on.

This post isn’t really about teaching.

It is a post that can show the reasons why sometimes we are the way we are.

Scripture, the Holy Bible, says that “words are spirit, and they are life”.

I believe we can speak things into existence.

That topic is for another time.

But if we keep speaking rotten things over our lives and our kids that is what they will become.

That little Debbie girl, she was trouble.

A phrase I heard on the daily.

Enough said about that.

Now on to the home life, early on it was turmoil.

When school began, other things began as well.

I enjoyed playing alone, but like any kid, I wanted to have some friends too.

Since my social skills were lacking, so were my friends.

The kids that I played with from the neighborhood were the ones, who like me, were lacking in social skills.

They were boys, so of course I learned to play like a boy; rough and tumble, and aggressive.

This didn’t make the little girls at school want to play with me.

These boys also had older siblings, who took advantage, mentally, physically and psychologically, of any one smaller than them.

My introduction to “real life” was early.

Although I did not have a name for it, shame became something that I wore like a coat.

It would be years before I could know the ramifications of these events, or the price I would need to consider for my freedom.

It all sounds so melodramatic when I place it all here on the page, but it is only the beginning of a pretty rough road.

“Raw and Real” is where we began.

Freedom is our destination.

Step by step, we will arrive.

Until next time …  

Playing to Your Strengths

Play to your strengths.

Speak what you are/need/believe.

There are a few things that have been on my mind and in my heart for quite some time.

If you’ve been here any time at all, you know that much of what I write about is from things that I have processed in the past.

I’ve spent a goodly amount of time in my own head.

After all, that is what we introverts are known for.

Well occasionally, some of that process actually comes to the front again, and falls out onto the page.

This is one of those occasions.

One of the things I spent a very long time thinking about was the fact that I was always told just how I would turn out, and none of that was good.

Problem? When a kid is told something time and time again, they tend to believe it.

After all, an adult said it, so it must be true, right? (Kind of like Google today)

Back “in the day”, we were taught that we should always listen and obey people who were older than we are.

“Respect your elders.”

That’s a fine thought, when your elders gain that respect.

But excuse me, when you’re constantly demeaned, (by your own adults) told your faults with consistent timing, and doing right or wrong things “Because I said so”; there is no respect for you.

The damage done internally sometimes is so much harder to recover from than you would imagine.

I often said of those times that, “I’d rather take a beating.”

So; that is what I wish to write about here.

A lesson I learned AFTER the fact, as an adult who was tired of believing I was less than.

Less than in my mind, less than in my body, less than in my talents, less than in my “Station in life”, less than anyone who may be in a place of leadership.

I read something once back in the beginning of my process, while I was raising littles of my own, the idea that we should to “Play to your strengths’ and not your weaknesses.”

I tried to do this with them, and realized, I needed to do this with myself as well.

Ever notice it’s always easier to do it for someone else?

I needed to learn to RESPECT my own self!

I noticed recently while talking to some teenagers, how much some of them spoke of themselves highly, while others were speaking in the negative about themselves.

It made me wonder, who was speaking into their lives, and what kind of things they were speaking.

Really, with any thought at all, it was pretty obvious that they were not all being taught to respect themselves in their hearts and minds.

In John 6:63the Bible says that “The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.”

In Proverbs 18:21 says that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits”.

I pretty firmly believe that.

So if all you have heard about yourself, or say about yourself is trash talk, then you will begin to believe it.

On the other hand, if you speak life, and joy, and ability to yourself, you’ll begin to believe that, and that will be the kind of fruit that grows in your life. 

Are you a writer? Write more. Avail yourself of those who can teach you to be even better.

Are you good at sports? Get more, involved, learn more about your sport. Be the best you can be at it.

If you clean houses, be the best dang house cleaner in your town.

Maybe math is your thing. How can you help someone who just doesn’t get it? Do that.

Talk to yourself about what you are learning.

Talk to yourself about what you are doing.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t.

Don’t tell yourself that you can’t.

Speak life to yourself.

Words of affirmation; words of affirmation are what keep me going.

That is one good reason why people’s negative words over my life were so devastating.

Do AFFIRM others – Don’t devastate!

Don’t let anyone’s words devastate you!

Think Lovely Thoughts about yourself.

Never mind what others think.

Respect yourself.

You will need to DECIDE to help yourself in this way.

And to tell you the truth, you will have to decide over, and over, and over.

But the more you decide, the easier it will get.

If you don’t like the thought you’re having; Have another thought.

It’s the easiest thing in the world to do – I’ve done it a million times! (Ha!)

Keep on deciding and going and changing.

You CAN do it – I’m cheering for you!

Until next time.

What Was That You Said?

“If my kids ever turned out like you I’d kill myself”.

WHAT ON EARTH???

These words said to him by one set in charge of leading and guiding him, one whose job was to help him to find his potential, not destroy it.

I’ve heard many horror stories like Rusty’s. I am sure you have as well.

Perhaps, like me, you were the one on the other end of those destructive words.

It has been scientifically proven that the words we TELL OURSELVES, can have a crippling effect on how we develop.

Oh the words we say over our children!

About them. In front of them. In front of others.

When those words are SPOKEN over us, the effects can be deadly.

In John 6:63 (ESV) It says; It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

If the spirit speaks life, then it stands to reason that it is evil that speaks death to living beings.

The nasty things that are said to us burrow deeply into our hearts.

They become “Our truth”, even though that is not how God intended it to be for us.

The Harvard Business Review says five positives to one negative is a good ratio for success. 

Remember Mearle from Rusty’s story above?

In my case, I had two Mearles.

First was a pastor named Gary, the second an apostolic teacher named Sharon.

These two never gave up on me. They encouraged me into a much more life affirming thought life than I had ever had before.

They still encourage me today.

Now I am here with you, espousing a life of “Quietude” for your own general well being, helping you to overcome the awful things spoken over your life.

For Rusty, he created one eighty, to help others to overcome the effects of the negative words and declarations thrust upon them by others. Visit his site and see what a positive thought life can do!

Resources on the words we speak;

Watching the Words We Speak – Rev. Lynette Hagin

The Power of Spoken Words – HuffPost

The Power of the Words We Speak – Christina Fox – For the Family ,org

Thanks for reading.

Please feel free to comment or message me if you would like to add to this conversation!