Tis the Season
Tis the season coming up quickly for proms, and graduations and for moving into adulthood.
It’s a time of being with friends and family in a whole new way.
The parameters have opened up, and many are just not certain what is next. It’s a rite of passage I suppose.
The anxiety. The uncertainty. The clueless-ness.
I’ve been to several events in the past couple of months. Band concerts, chorus concerts, and the like.
The difference is that for two of my grand children, these events carried the distinct designation of “Last”.
The culmination of 13 years of schooling. 13 years of always knowing (mostly) what comes next.
A New Designation
Along with the “Last” designation, comes a new one as well. “First”.
The “First” time of being really responsible, entirely, (mostly) for what comes next.
But that topic is for another time.
Here I wanted to share what I’ve observed during these “Last” times.
I’ll share it here with just a snippet of what I wrote in my journal.
Being so much of an introvert is OK, except for at those over the top social events. You know, the ones that are supposed to elicit great shows of emotions.
When you are an introvert, not so many people flock to your good bye. Not so many are devastated by your departure.
Your family celebrates you, and at the same time, they mourn your advancement into a new place of life, away from them … but you? You kind of fade into it. Quietly dismissing yourself, and making your way back to the safety zone that you have created for yourself.
It is a sad thing perhaps, but maybe hard to remember, at that moment, that it is a world you have created for yourself. A safe place.
Why Was it Visible?
I noticed this occurrence taking place in quiet corners in more than one school district. In more than one cafeteria, and at more than one event.
Those who were more extroverted, and were able to wear their emotions on their sleeves for all to see.
Those who were more introverted, put on a brave front, appearing to be OK, yet their smiles, never really reached their eyes.
Then, sadly, oh so sadly, I saw (felt) those who simply gave up trying to put on the act, not having the energy to fake it even one more time.
The extroverts, wondering why they are so emotional.
The introverts wondering if they could attempt to fit in just one more time.
The others, biding their time until they could escape to their own comfortable nests.
I saw this. I knew this. I felt this. Again.
It took me until I was full grown adult to realize that I was just wired that way. Quieter.
The noisy, raucous kid me, was all an act. A protection racket for the part of me that I saw as flawed
My quiet side has kept me sane, but at times it has also kept me alone.
What to Do?
The sadness I felt back then, can still be accessed by me, but it does not have to be. It no longer rules my life.
And still, when confronted by this, when I see this in my vision, when I feel this in my soul, when I see the struggle going on in front of me, I do not know what to do.
Telling them that everything will be OK, will not make it so. Only life itself, lived on one day at a time, can do that.
But the quiet part of me still seeks another answer. One that can help the loneliness subside, or at least to feel tolerable. Sooner rather than later.
Until then, if you see yourself in this narrative, please know;
You are wired a different way. A special way.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.