Tag Archive | Process

The Value of Quietude #1 – The Noise That Lies

Have you ever been told that you’re “Too much”?

I’ve been told this one way or another for my entire life.

How about you?

I’m here to tell you –

You are NOT too much –

You are just right!

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Go out there and be just as crazy, busy, quiet, bold, and heartfelt as you were created to be.

Shine with the things that you created to shine for.

You may never know how much your life will encourage someone.

Your voice may be just the one they need to hear.

Please feel free to comment after you see this video.

Let me know your best area to shine!

Until next time …

The Value of Quietude

After my last post regarding seeing silence as a skill, I decided to return to some past work I had done on the topic.

I found some work I had done that was dated 2019.

I had totally forgotten about it.

This work was work that I had done for/with a small group of gals that I had joined for a project.

I had done a series called “The Value of Quietude”

… On YouTube …

Video!

I was compelled to watch it all together in one sitting.

The problem with watching your own work is that you never really know if it’s any good or not.

So; at the risk of it being really good – or really bad, I have decided to place it here for you to peruse.

I needed to hear it all again because of finding myself with a distinct lack of quiet time focus as of late.

I certainly hope you find it helpful too.

Any comments or critique you may have will be most welcome.

I would however, ask you to be gentle, as this is WAY out of my comfort zone.

So here we go;

The Value of Quietude – The Introduction.

Introduction

Until next time …

Raw and Real #11 – Relate

After much time working out the “Soundtrack of My Life”, I began to HEAR people in a different way.

Before, I had heard their stories; but to be truthful, said “So what?”

I mean I was sorry, but I had my own issues to deal with right?

Somewhere well into my process though, I found that our stories crossed in many ways.

I was not the only one.

I began to RELATE the stories I was hearing, to the stories I had lived, and from there, I was able to RELATE to the person telling the stories.

It may not sound like much, but as I listened, I found I could help somehow.

Sometimes, it was just by showing up.

Sometimes it was a knowing look.  

Sometimes I could not stop the tears from leaking from my eyes.

Other times it was a gentle touch on the hand.

Sometimes it was a hug.

Whichever one it was, we were RELATEing.

“Hugs” by Isabel Bloom

Do you know how much healing there can be by just knowing you are not alone?

Of course you do.

But do you KNOW you’re not alone?

Have you found the one that you can RELATE to?

Our world seems to think that everyone has to like us, understand us, agree with us; this is so not true.

You know what?

I learned that I can RELATE with anyone, even if we come from different worlds.

Why?

Because we all feel pain sometimes, and we all just need one person to notice us.

When I was young, and going through “un-talk-about-ables”, my only wish was to be invisible, so that maybe those things would stop happening.

But maybe being visible to even one person, the right one person, much of my pain could have been avoided.

To that, I can RELATE.

It became my goal to somehow become that person.

One who can honestly say, “I see you”, and “You matter”.

Now, I am a dyed in the wool INFJ. →INFJ here.

An introvert.

I’m not shy, but I prefer my times of peace and quietude.

Here is what makes me unique; I am NOT a fair weather friend.

(a person who stops being a friend in times of difficulty.)

In fact, I am quite the opposite.

I claimed the term “Rainy day friend” for myself.

(Rainy day friends are the ones who listen to us when life is difficult, and remain faithful in friendship and relationship when the rest of the world turns their back to us.)

(Hmm. I thought I made that up until I Googled it)

At any rate, I will come out of my quietness when summoned to help with a problem.

I am tenacious.

I do not give up or give in.

That being said, when the answer is found, when you have been heard, when our RELATEing has brought an answer to your anxiety, some sanity to your chaos, some relief to your pain, I’ll be on my way back to my own stuff.

I am so blessed to have gotten this gift from all that I’ve experienced.

We all need someone with which we can RELATE.

Not a hundred some ones, not fifty some ones, maybe not even a handful of some ones, maybe just one.

Remember this; Jesus was followed by masses of people.

He personally taught twelve, hung out privately with three, but really only RELATEd fully with His Father in Heaven.

My personal belief is that the last is the most important, but truth be told, the three is probably the one we should hope for here on earth.

(Unless your one is God!)

So do this please;

Redo your soundtrack.

After you do, or even while you’re doing it, find someone to RELATE your learnings to.

It will be a great help to you both.

Don’t be invisible – the world needs you now!

Next time join me for  Raw and Real #12 – Freedom.

Until then …

Raw and Real #9 – Write

Looking back on the life I’ve lived has been a rich undertaking of good and bad, positives and negatives, highs and lows.

It has reminded me of joy and pain, happiness and sorrow, extreme faith right next to intense fear.

Being a hard core INFJ, I can’t always verbalize things right on the spot.

When I feel, or hear or read something, I must follow that with some quiet time for reflection.

Read more about being an →INFJ here.

There are a few ways that I can process my feelings and ideas.

First off is to sit quietly, daydreaming if you will.

This method can sometimes give my ideas time to come around on their own time.

So if you see me looking like I’m somewhere else, know that I could be processing something I read or heard.

Of course it’s also entirely possible that I am really somewhere else!

Another popular way for me to get things processed is to get with “my people”.

I have many friends, but a handful of “people”.

Talking deep, saying what needs to be said, asking questions; these are all things to do with “your people”.

Long ago my mom told me that most often, when I kept talking, I answered my own questions.

Now she – she was “My People”.

I paid attention after she said that and found it to be true.

The last way I’ll share with you here is writing.

Writing in a journal, or on a computer are my favorites.

Some say handwriting is their go to, but I find that either works for me.

Suffice it to say that with my admiration for lovely penmanship, and my lack of it, I often use my laptop instead.

It’s always a cinch that I’ll be able to read it at a later date.

That being said, I have over 40 journals.

40 journals of this and that.

40 journals that would qualify in the junk category.

But strewn throughout those 40 journals, some true treasure is hidden.

The treasures can be identified by the highlighting, the underlining, the circling, the arrows, the different colors of ink.

I actually began doing a Table of Contents for my handwritten journals, but alas, too late for some of my earlier ones.

(So if you decide to do a handwritten journal, my suggestion would be to do the Table of Contents thing at the beginning!)

On my laptop, I have an ongoing document that holds many of my thoughts.

This allows me to read them over, and move them all around until they make sense.

I used to forget more than I remembered.

Sometimes that processing of thoughts comes at the most inopportune time.

Mostly it is when you are doing something else; when you didn’t see it coming.

Enter napkin notes, post it notes, grocery list notes, written on the palm of your hand notes. (the original palm pilot?)

They all pulled together at the end of the day to write down somewhere permanent.

Nowadays, it isn’t uncommon to see me in the checkout line, tapping notes to myself in my phone for future reference.

Back before cell phones, I had a boss who would call her home phone, and leave herself messages she didn’t want to forget.

I always thought she was strange, but oh!

Now I see she was brilliant, and she got things done!

As mentioned →Here← and →Here← the process takes on different forms.

For me, writing is the most important way that all of those thoughts are managed.

During the life of this blog, thought life has been discussed over and over.

If you’re interested in more of my perspective on this, you can just put “Thought Life” in the search bar.

(Another reason I enjoy the laptop writing.)

Sometimes, during the process, the words get long winded, and that’s OK, because these words you write down are not for everyone.

I encourage you to give it a try.

This note taking, this writing it all down.

Once you have been able to connect the dots, you can decide on what, if anything, you want to share with the world.

(Like this blog)

Join me next time for Raw and Real #10 for – Travel.

Until then …

Raw and Real #8 – Too Much Process

Last time we talked about excavation.

Excavation and processing whatever we happen to find in our past.

I shared with you how in my excavation, I found much heart ache, most of it inflicted by others, but a goodly part of it, inflicted by my very own thoughts and behaviors.

I believe that the way I was wired, the fact that I didn’t mind being alone, probably saved me from even bigger problems.

I fully believe that God was there for me, hating what was happening, but allowing it for a reason, and protecting my heart of hearts.

That reason was to be of help to someone else at a later time.

It may even be you.

I was not without pain, in fact the internal pain was immense, but I always had a sense of “something”, God? being nearby, even though I was not yet aware of His name.

As an adult, I so appreciate that protection, and the fact that I have been able to “be renewed in the spirit of my mind” (Ephesians 4:23), it is a different kind of peace.

Peace without the weight of the past.

 As my mind was being renewed, I learned to be at deep peace while I was alone.

 In John 14:27 it says “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

So now, here we get to the “Over processing” part.

I began not just enjoying my alone time, but now I had the ability to indulge myself in it.

I enjoyed it so much that I began to demand it in every part of my life.

I chose always to stay home.

I chose not to be around others, unless I absolutely had to, because you know, people are messy.

I had reached a point in the process where I was;

Just. So. Content.

This was fine for a time.

A good long time actually.

But there is a →down side to quiet.←(Read more here)

 I then began to feel a heaviness, the very thing I had worked so hard to get rid of!

So I ended up praying and asking God how to fix it.

He reminded me of something that Brene’ Brown said “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”

What I learned here was the fact that just because I worked on my emotions, and had them under control, does not mean I never have to do it again.

It is very important to feel the bad as well as the good.

So did I have to do some more “inside work” to do?

Another thing I remembered hearing was that; even good things can become destructive when carried to the extreme.

These ideas being brought back to my memory, made me realize that in all of my quiet “processing”, I was making myself deaf to all of the other voices that I could be learning from.

I was hearing “God’s voice”, but many times God’s voice sounds just like mine.

So I had to be really sure I knew what He’s was thinking!

If I am getting input from like minded individuals, or even from those I disagree with, I can have the ability to think and compare.

Critical thinking gets dulled when you’re always alone.

Big changes were on the horizon.

It was slow and steady, but I began to allow some people around me back into my life.

Did I mention it was SLOW?

Very slow, and very thoughtful.

I began allowing people back into my circle.

They did not even necessarily agree with my world view, but they did have open minds, and listening ears, and I might add, positive attitudes, with a willingness to learn.

We have taught each other so much.

I said all that, to say this;

Process well.

Process as long as you need to, but be aware when it is time to venture back out again.

You can always come back to your →cave to rest.← (read more here )

The Garden Tomb

Join me next time for Raw and Real #9 -Write. 

Until then….

Raw and Real #7 – Process

So. If you read the title, and came here for an easy answer, I apologize straight away.

There are so many ways to process the events of our lives.

These events may be physical, mental, and/or spiritual.

Many times these events and their repercussions stay hidden deep inside.

Repercussions of continuous abuse.

If we do choose to address them, admittedly, we choose to work on the parts that seem “easiest”.

This generally means a little here and a little there.

Eventually, the hard stuff is what’s left.

What is the hard stuff?

It’s the stuff that makes up the “Soundtrack of our lives”.

It’s the stuff that has buried itself deep in our consciousness.

Being a “Soundtrack”, means that it can readily get played over and over.

What we believe about ourselves is often the thing that has been repeated to us over time.

Repetition is an amazing teacher.

So what of this “Soundtrack”?

Is it positive, or is it negative?

Do we even realize the harm it is doing?

For me at least, I came to the point where I was faced with doing a “deep dive”.

An  →“Excavation” if you will, to get to the heart of the issue.

My belief in the Holy Bible gave me a jumping off point.

In Ephesians 4:22-23 (ESV) to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds.

And in 2 Corinthians 10:5 (ESV) We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

In the simplest of terms, what these verses are telling us that it is possible to change the way we think.

My “Soundtrack” was full of what every person I had ever come in contact with said, or thought about me, both positive and negative.

Unfortunately, the negatives are much stickier than the positives.

I’m told that it takes seven positives to overcome a negative.

So how does one go about renewing those thoughts, or “taking them captive”?

Scripture has an answer for that as well.

Philippians 4:8 (ESV) Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Wow!

That’s a tall order.

To tell the truth, I had read all of these verses before, but it seems like only when I was truly ready to put them in place, did they come alive to me!

Believe me friend, it took all the intentionality I could muster to change those thoughts!

Here is some of what I thought followed by what God was thinking about me.

“You’re no good” – God says I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

“Use your head for something besides a hat rack.” – Blessed is the one who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (I’ll need my head for that!)

“You’re so dumb.” God says I have the mind of Christ.

“You’re so bad, God will never forgive you!” He is faithful and just to forgive me of my sins.

“What tribe you from? Blackfoot?” – How lovely on the mountains are the feet of Him who brings good news.

Blackfoot, bigfoot, gunboats, monkey toes – He drew me out of the pit, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

(There is a foot verse for any foot joke there is!)

Now in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” – “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”

The only way that we can overcome, is to change the way we speak about ourselves.

We need to believe what God says, and to repeat it to ourselves again and again.

Remember that repetition is a great teacher.

After some time, I began to believe God said too; and my symptoms began to fade.

I keep adding the true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy statements to my tally of positives.

I believe God’s thoughts more and more, and am exceedingly more capable of living a most grateful and joyful life.

Thanks for joining me here today.

If you’d like to read→another post on “Excavation”, you can do it here.

My hope is that you too will be able to change the “Soundtrack of your life” into to one that is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy.

  • Psalms 139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
  • James 1:12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
  • 1 Corinthians 2:16 “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.
  • 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
  • Isaiah 52.7 How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news
  • Psalm 40:2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

All verses from the English Standard Version

Join me back here on next time for #8 – Too Much Process

Until next time …

Take a Chance

I’ve been reading lately about how to make this blog a better place to visit.

My first thought, long ago, was to tell my personal story, then use it to help some to crawl out of the pit that they, or someone else, dug for them.

Camera Photos 6-12 - Deb age 4 and 7 003

I have for many years, off and on, written random and not so random things in journals. I’ve kept them all, even shared bits and pieces of them, in an attempt to help others.

2019-02-19 11.29.59-1

 

From there I went on to showing people the value of some quiet in their life, and hopefully, helping them to create some for their own.

Next came the photographs that I so love to take.

Some have been made into my little films, calendars, puzzles and coffee table books.

13aug2017 (1)

Now I’m even thinking of, gulp, my religious and political leanings.

I must say, I hate confrontation of any kind.  (Confrontation there would most likely be!)

The prolonged temper tantrum I see all around makes me angry, and quite frankly, sick to my stomach. This is not to mention that it intimidates me a lot.

Tantrum.jpg

What do I do?

What would You do?

What would you like to see here?

What would make you want to come back?

I’ve been a blogger off and on since 2008.  I’m still not happy with where I am, but I am also not compelled to quit.

All the years of processing cannot be for nothing. Can I ask? Where have your processes taken you? Would you care to share in the comments?

There. It’s out there. My fears. My questions.

Do I pick just one topic, hope for the best, and stay comfy and safe?

Can comfy and safe really change the world?