When I considered beginning to blog again, I pictured myself crashing back on the scene with such intensity that I might even surprise myself.
Well, I surprised myself, but not in the way I had imagined.
Instead of dazzling everyone with my new found wisdom, I came back instead, full of knowledge that I am not the only one who knows stuff.
In fact, the more stuff I know, the more apparent it appears, that I don’t know half as much as I thought I did, and that much of what I knew was only good for a season.
The past several months have been spent on a variety of different issues. As I have stated, so long ago now, there is always an “Inside job” to be done.
Well when you think you’ve finished all that inside work – look out! Rest up.
You will need it for your next season, the one where Holy Spirit comes and says “Come, let’s dig a little deeper”, so that you can “Come up higher”.
My first response was a bit like kicking and screaming, I was really comfy there, however that response didn’t last long because I really want to know what God has for me, comfortable or not.
The simple act of saying yes to God brought on several months of digging deeper, it was an excavation deeper than I had ever known possible, and months of uncomfortable-ness on my insides.
It all began with a “random” conversation with a good friend that I had not seen in a long time. The conversation went from one topic to another, you know how they do.
I began telling her about a book I had recently finished, and the effect that a certain chapter had had on me. This brought her to tell me about a college course she had just finished. Since her major goes right along with what is on the insides of people, her class work fit right into the conversation, and my current comfort level.
Even though it was quite comfy, it was in fact getting a tad boring. “Move along, nothing to see here.”
Within a day or two, I was in possession of her school books, and beginning the long dig into my past.
Make no mistake, I had been back there before, and was pretty sure I had worked it all out, because remember, I know stuff.
All the questions I never knew to ask were there in those books. Plunging me deeper and deeper into why I was the way I was, and why, even after all the “inside” work I had done, there was still so much left to do.
Eight months. That is how long it took me. Digging and digging and then having to take breaks because the emotional toll it was taking on my heart was so exhausting.
So here I am. I will never say “Done with that” again, because I have seen what the effect can be when I think that. I will just say that that part of my journey is over, and for now, I do not carry all the weight I carried before.
For now, I am comfortable with the past, and ready to see what is next.
I can’t say how this blog will go on, but I can say that it will, at least for now.
I’m traveling lighter now, and I’m not sure where to. God knows that.
A bit like Abraham before me, I will trust that He knows the way, and that it is good.
If you are at all interested in doing some “Digging” and “Inside work” and seeing what God has next for you – Here are some helpful tools;
Finding Spiritual Whitespace – written by Bonnie Gray – Especially Chapter 22
The Ultimate Journey – Phase 1